The Art of Conversation

Throughout a single week nowadays, we have more contact with friends, family, strangers, neighbors, than our ancestors did in the medieval days. However, our preparations for these meetings are similar to theirs – none!

Since we were nothing more but some young children, the adults taught us to read, write and so on. Because they corrected us when we made mistakes, we have come to do very well with these activities.

When it comes to conversation, well, that’s another story. We have been taught words and how to spell and pronounce them, but no one has ever taught us how to have meaningful and efficient conversations with others.

Not all words really mean what we think they mean. Sometimes people use the meaning of words to manipulate and turn a situation around in their favor. Here are some examples from adds in the paper about real-estate

What people say?- VERSUS- What they really mean?

Buy: unique occasion!-versus- We’re having problems with sales.

Optimum use of space-versus- Very small

Interesting -versus-Ugly

Multiple development possibilities - versus-Cheap neighborhood, dirty and below standard level

Original features- versus-The toilet is outside.

Ideal for people that are Handy with small reparations- versus-Fixing it will cost a fortune

Scientists are convinced that more then 60% of direct communication is made through non-verbal channels and only the rest through verbal and vocal channels. Some words and expressions serve as gestures and we can figure out what a person is really trying to say by analyzing them. They become clichés and we instinctively point them out at times.

Why use this kind of language? If we cast aside this kind of hidden code from our everyday conversations, there would remain a meaningless dialog, short and abrupt, to the point that we would be seen as lacking manners, impolite and indifferent towards others. This kind of special "language cushions" (against the blows we sometimes give each other), allow us to manipulate without being seen; we show our own virtues and exteriorize ourselves in a series of emotions, remaining mannered at the same time.

For instance, a dialog between two strangers always begins with a series of clichés. It usually starts with ‘How are you?" followed by an "I’m good" and after that an "I’m glad" or something comparable. This ritual at the beginning of a conversation sinks too deep inside us ,so deep that it becomes automatic and we might find ourselves in a situation similar to this : in stead of answering "I’m good" , the persons tells you that his/her grandmother died and your answer might consist of the same old’ I’m glad’ line.

Goodbye rituals are also often used.

We should avoid having conversations that consist only of these kinds of clichés! Words do not mean everything and we can communicate through so many ways! The expression of our face can communicate a great deal to others regarding our state of health, peace of mind, stress. Words are sometimes insignificant and meaningless, yet in situations that require their use, they should be wisely chosen and spoken.

We should not accept our conversations to leave the wrong impression about ourselves. That’s the big danger in using the same old lines that everybody uses!

A conversation should always reveal a part of your personality and it should be a reaction of your signature. We are not each other` s clones so let us not act like it.

We need to learn to actually listen (so really, really listen!) to what people tell us, and that way, we gain precious information that we can ask about later on and keep the conversation going.

Conversation, ether verbal or non-verbal, is what links us and what helps us live together. It is not to be taken lightly, because words can hurt more than bumps on the head so we should sensibly choose them.

The way you speak, act and react, shows a lot about your personality! Actually, these actions say almost everything about your personality! You could easily create a wrong impression of yourself to those around you and they will take the impression you project as being the real you. Once they have done that, it’s rather difficult to prove the opposite, to prove that you are different.

Talk when it is your time to talk and listen carefully to what other people say and give your best interest so that your relationship with those around you will be a fruitful one. We need to learn to co-exist and to have meaningful conversations, good for our souls, relaxing and choose words that have a positive impact on our chat partner.

Let’s talk!