Tell Me Something Romantic
Don't be mislead by the title...
He did not know it then, but it had all started to go wrong for Sebastian when he first told her he loved her
"I think I am falling in love with you" she announced [declared?] after sex the night they returned from Venice. With admirable restraint Sebastian managed to hide any surprise he might have felt, and after a suitably long pause designed to give outwardly the impression of a man wrestling with his emotions (and specifically not one who had his thoughts on what he was going to have for breakfast tomorrow interrupted) he looked back into her eyes and acquiesced "I was thinking exactly the same thing"
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"Needless to say I was not thinking the same thing at all" Sebastian confessed to his friend and in this case apparently his moral compass Tobermory on his return to England.
"She was on Chapter 26 you were just reading the blurb on the back..." Tobermory was going through a phase of creating obscure analogies for everything. Sometimes they were insightful but in this instance Tobermory had erred
"Well no -its more like she is on chapter 26 and I'm lost in the aquarium at Chester Zoo"
"I see" said Tobermory "Then why did you say it?"
"Under such situations as this" rationalized Sebastian to himself as much as Tobermory "one is under obligation to say the right thing, whatever that might be: half-truths, white lies or"
"I love you?" interjected Tobermory.
"Well yes if necessary - one has to do what one has to do, and in this case it involved saying I love you"
"When you patently don't"
"Look Tobermory you can sit on your moral fence of virtuous virtual virtuosity all you like but tell me what you are supposed to say to your lover after she's flown you to Italy, dragged you around Venice, paid for everything, even the cigarettes she hates you smoking and then tells you she's falling in love with you immediately after sex while your naked and still inside her?" What?" demanded Sebastion. Tobermory couldn't provide an answer.
"Pat her on the head, roll over and mumble something about fetching water?" Sebastion, asked indignantly aware that he was winning, if there was such thing as winning and a losing when debating retrospectively the morality your actions.
Tobermory reclined in his chair and inhaled on his cigarette and gave himself pause for a brief reflection of the matter. "All I'm saying is that it's wrong to tell someone you love them when you don't and furthermore, I think you may be breeding trouble for yourself in the long-term"
It was only two months later when she invited herself to Tokyo to visit him that Sebastian began to fully realize the accuracy of Tobermory`s prophecy.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Tell me something romantic" echoed like unwanted 6am church bells in Sebastian's ears on each night of her stay. It had become a sort of post coitus catchphrase that he would end up dreading almost as much as the sex. It was somewhat fortunate that as an Italian she had little or no knowledge of English pop music lyrics and even less of the clichés of the English language otherwise she would have heard his words as the hollow vows of a fraud that they were. Or maybe it would have been preferable had she known for they almost certainly would not have been so effective in cementing her unknowingly unrequited love. It was during her stay that Sebastian came to realize the hard way that it was difficult, no; nigh on impossible, to be original on the topic of love, on a nightly basis when you feel nothing of what you are saying.
After two nights of the 'Tell me something romantic" ritual Sebastian's initial indifference to the Italian grew into a firm dislike and before the week was out he realized that he actually despised her with more venom than he had previously been aware he was capable of. Her touch made him shiver, he dreaded sex (and consequently did his best to avoid it with an imaginatively concocted array of ailments) and for the first time in his life he actually looked forward to work, going in early and staying late. Once again though, in Sebastian's mind he was a hostage to circumstance. She had flown all the way from Italy to visit him, he couldn't phase her out like he normally would with tiresome women, he couldn't avoid her calls, he couldn't cancel dates last-minute and ferment disinterest, she was living with him, heck she was buying scented candles for his apartment. He had to just ride it out; keep up appearances, say the right things, count down the days until her departure when it will be all over and she would be safely 3000 miles away again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tell me something romantic was the verbal pierce de resistance of the character features the Italian possessed which Sebastian despised but it was merely the tip of the iceberg as far as he was concerned. At the midpoint of the Italians unwelcome sojourn into Sebastian's hithero relatively trouble-free Tokyo life he attempted to explain his problems to an unsympathetic Tobermory.
"I don't have time now to be exhaustive" began Sebastian when Tobermory asked why he disliked so vehemently this girl who had traveled 3000 miles to visit him. "It's no, that she isn't a nice girl; that you have to understand, a touch racist perhaps but fundamentally she mans no harm"
"Except to blacks?" asked Tobermory unhelpfully.
"Well no, the criminal element of foreigners in Italy, if you must know but that's not the point"
What is the point?" Asked Tobermory, again not particularly earnestly.
Sebastian considered the question and a light flashed in his eyes as he found the answer. "She bought a fucking tablecloth for my coffee table! - that's the point" Sebastian looked up hopefully for recognition but received none. "A table-cloth!"
Tobermory was nonplussed "You hate this girl because she brought you a table-cloth? Granted; you aren't exactly a tablecloth type of man but it's hardly a hatable offense"
Exactly! - I'm not a tablecloth man, say what you will about me but I'm not a tablecloth man". Ignoring Tobermory's cynicism Sebastian went on "and that's not all, it went with the scented candles, the bathmat and the mat she brought for under the sink..."
Tobermory for the first time looked a little flustered "A mat for under the sink?"
"No, I don't know either" Said a Sebastian pouncing on the chink that had appeared in Tobermory's tranquility " AND, AND that's not the worst; she brought these bead things, that she's hung all over the curtain rail, "Italian style" she calls it" Sebastian was now a little out of breath and in apparent anguish at the memory of the offending he beads continued "Its disgusting".
Appararntly starting to soften to his friends plight, Tobermory conceded to the reality about the beads -"It doesn't sound great"
It's not just not great, it's diabolical; She's thinks she's civilizing me. Civilizing Me in my house! I am a project. Thrusting upon me her Italian Style" Sebastian emphasized in a mock Italian accent "And that's another thing - she thinks she is the Queen of all style, the history and the future, which essentially can be translated into an obsession with designer labels" Sebastian took final drag on his previously forgotten cigarette that had been lingering in his ashtray. To his displeasure his cigarette provided a lot more burning filter than nicotine. With a grimace and a little less gusto he resumed his tirade. "She's got a Louis Vuitton Suitcase for fucks sake"
"But did she not buy you that rather dashing overcoat you're wearing?" Enquired Tobermory at the mention of fashion.
"Well yes but not before trying to hound me into some Valentino monstrosity" Sebastian smiled a little at the memory of the resilience he had shown to the coat situation.
"So she buys stuff for your house, buys you dashing and expensive overcoats, pays for everything you do together and you hate her." Tobermory reflected in the pause that had straddled the Sebastian's smile. "Nobody can call you a tablecloth man, that is for sure, but you are certainly a hard man to please"
Not to be persuaded into reflection, Sebastian plowed on "She takes pictures of everything! EVERYTHING. 'one take a picture of me next to this building, take a picture of me next to this tree, take a picture of me next to this funny looking Japanese person minding their own business" Sebastian took another cigarette from Tobermory's packet. "It's driving me crazy".
Tobermory readjusted his chair, scratched his ear and resumed his unsympathetic angle. "Josephine takes pictures of everything, heck she'd make Diana's paparazzi wince. You've never mentioned that it annoyed you before."
"Its different with Josephine" said Sebastian with a hint of annoyance.
"Well obviously; she never buys you anything, would never sleep with you and definitely doesn't love you".
It was clear to Sebastian that Tobermory wouldn't listen to reason. Disgruntled, Sebastian leaned back on his chair, sighed and went to the bar to fetch another drink.
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"This holiday has been like a fantasy" She purred annoyingly during the dreaded pillow talk on the last night of her stay.
"I couldn't have put it better myself" lied Sebastian knowing that he could have put if much better himself simply by replacing the word "fantasy" with "Nightmare""
"I wish it never had to end" he continued in while wishing it had never begun.
She looked into his eyes with a satisfaction that only the knowledge you are loved can give. "Will you miss me when I am gone?"
"I will never forget this time I have spent with you" replied Sebastian secretly pleased that he had managed to say something that was at least within touching distance of the truth.
"Me neither" she replied, blinking away the tears. "Oh, my English Disaster" she whispered as they embraced each other. He held her tightly and whispered back, "I wish we could stay like this forever". Now that the finishing line was in sight Sebastian found that the clichés that she craved rolled off his Tongue more easily than usual. Sebastian slept soundly and happily that night oblivious to the tossing and turning that was going on beside him.
The next day Sebastian awoke to discover her examining his school's Calendar. In the happy and peaceful knowledge that she would soon be gone, Sebastian didn't give it much thought and when back to sleep. It certainly didn't alarm him in the manner that it would have had he known the reason for her investigation. That reason would be made stark a few hours later. They were sat on the train that would take her away to the airport from there to the airplane that would take her 3000 miles away from him. Sebastian was savoring this thought when the bombshell was sighted.
"You've got a weeks holiday in May" She chirruped with a rising intonation that might have deceived the less pessimistic into believing it was a question. Sebastian looked at her sharply and if she had been more astute she might have realized that it was sheer terror that had caused Sebastian's pupils to dilate. Paralyzed; Sebastian could only muster a mumbled confirmative before she hit him like a cannon ball to the face with his worst fears.
"So do you want to come to me or shall I come to you again?"
The End
Authors note:
Sebastian replied that going to her was definitely better, hoping that time would allow an alibi, an excuse,or that he could feign some sort of argument with which to excuse cutting her off. Unfortunately for Sebastian but much to Tobermory's amusement this was not the case and Sebastian is currently somewhere over Russian on his way to Italy.
"I think I am falling in love with you" she announced [declared?] after sex the night they returned from Venice. With admirable restraint Sebastian managed to hide any surprise he might have felt, and after a suitably long pause designed to give outwardly the impression of a man wrestling with his emotions (and specifically not one who had his thoughts on what he was going to have for breakfast tomorrow interrupted) he looked back into her eyes and acquiesced "I was thinking exactly the same thing"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Needless to say I was not thinking the same thing at all" Sebastian confessed to his friend and in this case apparently his moral compass Tobermory on his return to England.
"She was on Chapter 26 you were just reading the blurb on the back..." Tobermory was going through a phase of creating obscure analogies for everything. Sometimes they were insightful but in this instance Tobermory had erred
"Well no -its more like she is on chapter 26 and I'm lost in the aquarium at Chester Zoo"
"I see" said Tobermory "Then why did you say it?"
"Under such situations as this" rationalized Sebastian to himself as much as Tobermory "one is under obligation to say the right thing, whatever that might be: half-truths, white lies or"
"I love you?" interjected Tobermory.
"Well yes if necessary - one has to do what one has to do, and in this case it involved saying I love you"
"When you patently don't"
"Look Tobermory you can sit on your moral fence of virtuous virtual virtuosity all you like but tell me what you are supposed to say to your lover after she's flown you to Italy, dragged you around Venice, paid for everything, even the cigarettes she hates you smoking and then tells you she's falling in love with you immediately after sex while your naked and still inside her?" What?" demanded Sebastion. Tobermory couldn't provide an answer.
"Pat her on the head, roll over and mumble something about fetching water?" Sebastion, asked indignantly aware that he was winning, if there was such thing as winning and a losing when debating retrospectively the morality your actions.
Tobermory reclined in his chair and inhaled on his cigarette and gave himself pause for a brief reflection of the matter. "All I'm saying is that it's wrong to tell someone you love them when you don't and furthermore, I think you may be breeding trouble for yourself in the long-term"
It was only two months later when she invited herself to Tokyo to visit him that Sebastian began to fully realize the accuracy of Tobermory`s prophecy.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Tell me something romantic" echoed like unwanted 6am church bells in Sebastian's ears on each night of her stay. It had become a sort of post coitus catchphrase that he would end up dreading almost as much as the sex. It was somewhat fortunate that as an Italian she had little or no knowledge of English pop music lyrics and even less of the clichés of the English language otherwise she would have heard his words as the hollow vows of a fraud that they were. Or maybe it would have been preferable had she known for they almost certainly would not have been so effective in cementing her unknowingly unrequited love. It was during her stay that Sebastian came to realize the hard way that it was difficult, no; nigh on impossible, to be original on the topic of love, on a nightly basis when you feel nothing of what you are saying.
After two nights of the 'Tell me something romantic" ritual Sebastian's initial indifference to the Italian grew into a firm dislike and before the week was out he realized that he actually despised her with more venom than he had previously been aware he was capable of. Her touch made him shiver, he dreaded sex (and consequently did his best to avoid it with an imaginatively concocted array of ailments) and for the first time in his life he actually looked forward to work, going in early and staying late. Once again though, in Sebastian's mind he was a hostage to circumstance. She had flown all the way from Italy to visit him, he couldn't phase her out like he normally would with tiresome women, he couldn't avoid her calls, he couldn't cancel dates last-minute and ferment disinterest, she was living with him, heck she was buying scented candles for his apartment. He had to just ride it out; keep up appearances, say the right things, count down the days until her departure when it will be all over and she would be safely 3000 miles away again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tell me something romantic was the verbal pierce de resistance of the character features the Italian possessed which Sebastian despised but it was merely the tip of the iceberg as far as he was concerned. At the midpoint of the Italians unwelcome sojourn into Sebastian's hithero relatively trouble-free Tokyo life he attempted to explain his problems to an unsympathetic Tobermory.
"I don't have time now to be exhaustive" began Sebastian when Tobermory asked why he disliked so vehemently this girl who had traveled 3000 miles to visit him. "It's no, that she isn't a nice girl; that you have to understand, a touch racist perhaps but fundamentally she mans no harm"
"Except to blacks?" asked Tobermory unhelpfully.
"Well no, the criminal element of foreigners in Italy, if you must know but that's not the point"
What is the point?" Asked Tobermory, again not particularly earnestly.
Sebastian considered the question and a light flashed in his eyes as he found the answer. "She bought a fucking tablecloth for my coffee table! - that's the point" Sebastian looked up hopefully for recognition but received none. "A table-cloth!"
Tobermory was nonplussed "You hate this girl because she brought you a table-cloth? Granted; you aren't exactly a tablecloth type of man but it's hardly a hatable offense"
Exactly! - I'm not a tablecloth man, say what you will about me but I'm not a tablecloth man". Ignoring Tobermory's cynicism Sebastian went on "and that's not all, it went with the scented candles, the bathmat and the mat she brought for under the sink..."
Tobermory for the first time looked a little flustered "A mat for under the sink?"
"No, I don't know either" Said a Sebastian pouncing on the chink that had appeared in Tobermory's tranquility " AND, AND that's not the worst; she brought these bead things, that she's hung all over the curtain rail, "Italian style" she calls it" Sebastian was now a little out of breath and in apparent anguish at the memory of the offending he beads continued "Its disgusting".
Appararntly starting to soften to his friends plight, Tobermory conceded to the reality about the beads -"It doesn't sound great"
It's not just not great, it's diabolical; She's thinks she's civilizing me. Civilizing Me in my house! I am a project. Thrusting upon me her Italian Style" Sebastian emphasized in a mock Italian accent "And that's another thing - she thinks she is the Queen of all style, the history and the future, which essentially can be translated into an obsession with designer labels" Sebastian took final drag on his previously forgotten cigarette that had been lingering in his ashtray. To his displeasure his cigarette provided a lot more burning filter than nicotine. With a grimace and a little less gusto he resumed his tirade. "She's got a Louis Vuitton Suitcase for fucks sake"
"But did she not buy you that rather dashing overcoat you're wearing?" Enquired Tobermory at the mention of fashion.
"Well yes but not before trying to hound me into some Valentino monstrosity" Sebastian smiled a little at the memory of the resilience he had shown to the coat situation.
"So she buys stuff for your house, buys you dashing and expensive overcoats, pays for everything you do together and you hate her." Tobermory reflected in the pause that had straddled the Sebastian's smile. "Nobody can call you a tablecloth man, that is for sure, but you are certainly a hard man to please"
Not to be persuaded into reflection, Sebastian plowed on "She takes pictures of everything! EVERYTHING. 'one take a picture of me next to this building, take a picture of me next to this tree, take a picture of me next to this funny looking Japanese person minding their own business" Sebastian took another cigarette from Tobermory's packet. "It's driving me crazy".
Tobermory readjusted his chair, scratched his ear and resumed his unsympathetic angle. "Josephine takes pictures of everything, heck she'd make Diana's paparazzi wince. You've never mentioned that it annoyed you before."
"Its different with Josephine" said Sebastian with a hint of annoyance.
"Well obviously; she never buys you anything, would never sleep with you and definitely doesn't love you".
It was clear to Sebastian that Tobermory wouldn't listen to reason. Disgruntled, Sebastian leaned back on his chair, sighed and went to the bar to fetch another drink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"This holiday has been like a fantasy" She purred annoyingly during the dreaded pillow talk on the last night of her stay.
"I couldn't have put it better myself" lied Sebastian knowing that he could have put if much better himself simply by replacing the word "fantasy" with "Nightmare""
"I wish it never had to end" he continued in while wishing it had never begun.
She looked into his eyes with a satisfaction that only the knowledge you are loved can give. "Will you miss me when I am gone?"
"I will never forget this time I have spent with you" replied Sebastian secretly pleased that he had managed to say something that was at least within touching distance of the truth.
"Me neither" she replied, blinking away the tears. "Oh, my English Disaster" she whispered as they embraced each other. He held her tightly and whispered back, "I wish we could stay like this forever". Now that the finishing line was in sight Sebastian found that the clichés that she craved rolled off his Tongue more easily than usual. Sebastian slept soundly and happily that night oblivious to the tossing and turning that was going on beside him.
The next day Sebastian awoke to discover her examining his school's Calendar. In the happy and peaceful knowledge that she would soon be gone, Sebastian didn't give it much thought and when back to sleep. It certainly didn't alarm him in the manner that it would have had he known the reason for her investigation. That reason would be made stark a few hours later. They were sat on the train that would take her away to the airport from there to the airplane that would take her 3000 miles away from him. Sebastian was savoring this thought when the bombshell was sighted.
"You've got a weeks holiday in May" She chirruped with a rising intonation that might have deceived the less pessimistic into believing it was a question. Sebastian looked at her sharply and if she had been more astute she might have realized that it was sheer terror that had caused Sebastian's pupils to dilate. Paralyzed; Sebastian could only muster a mumbled confirmative before she hit him like a cannon ball to the face with his worst fears.
"So do you want to come to me or shall I come to you again?"
The End
Authors note:
Sebastian replied that going to her was definitely better, hoping that time would allow an alibi, an excuse,or that he could feign some sort of argument with which to excuse cutting her off. Unfortunately for Sebastian but much to Tobermory's amusement this was not the case and Sebastian is currently somewhere over Russian on his way to Italy.
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