Teaching Children - Teach Children How To Be Happy

To be or not to be happy
In the larger context of teaching children, the issue of happiness is often overlooked. We try to ensure children are happy by keeping them moving, entertained or occupied.

But wouldn’t it be better if we could teach children to be in control of their own happiness? And how, as parents responsible for teaching children, would we achieve that?

Happiness comes from making deliberate decisions and applying practical techniques and actions. For many parents faced with the task of teaching children, happiness is perceived as an intangible, and perhaps elusive, emotion. Viewed this way, experiencing happiness can be something of a hit-and-miss affair.

Alternatively, for those who see happiness as the direct result of generating certain states, activities and outcomes in and through the human body, being happy or generating happiness is a more dependable part of life.

If you are able to take control over your own experience of happiness this puts you in the driver’s seat, not the victim’s who is at the mercy of mysterious emotional shifts or external forces.

If we teach children the "What" and "How" of this process, they can have more of what they want, whenever they want it - for life.

What are the components or steps in this deliberate internal take-over?

• Defining happiness - Step One
  To begin, if you don’t know, or can’t say, what happiness is, how can you exert any sort of control? Try these definitions and add any others that come to mind for you – yes, there are individual differences, especially when it comes to specifics.

o getting what you want (constructively of course);
o experiencing good things: physical, sensual, intellectual, emotional;
o self-actualization and achievement;
o discovery of the world;
o beneficial connecting with others;
o doing some of these things with others.
The list here could be long. Don’t stop, keep adding to it.
And, note if any of your definition options are, really, self destruction. Best to ditch them.

• Being there – Step Two
  To participate in any of these definitions or examples of being happy, you absolutely must be fully engaged in them. How to do that? Build another list based on this one, adding extras for yourself and becoming more and more specific about what you are doing, exploring, building, tasking.
  o going out and getting it (find, locate, access);
  o constructing it (build, physical engineering, locating, accessing materials, earning the money to do any of this including acquiring the skills);
  o creating it (imagination, project management, dedication, vision);
  o exploring (physical or mental movement beyond current boundaries, risk-assessment and management);
  o savoring (learning to use the senses, mind and emotions to experience the pleasure, in detail, of both the process and the outcome);
  o stretching, upskilling, pushing self, demanding of self, tasking self (the joy of growth, competence, pursuing a goal).

• Linking the thing, the being there, with the emotional state – Step Three For many folk, children included, this happens automatically. For example: a child, being healthy, skipping down the street will find they automatically feel good, could even be smiling. Sometimes we need a reminder to connect the happy feeling to the doing part. Use a process something like this:
  o define the enjoyable action (physical, mental);
  o feed your mind with positive self-talk about that action, including that it is your reward (your body’s reward, God’s reward?) to yourself for that action;
  o clearly explain to yourself the link between the doing and the feeling.

• What to do with negative emotions and situations – Step Four
  o take control – no victim mentality;
  o go back to step one and make different choices so you are putting your mental, physical and emotional energy into pleasure-generating activities;
  o work your way through steps 2 and 3 and see the real difference you can make for yourself and your own happiness;
  o Move further into step four.

• General positive and negative self-talk – More of Step Four
  Learn, by deliberate choice and repetition, to identify and replace any of your unhelpful self-talk with positive self-talk.
  
  "You silly cow" could be replaced with "I know how to success/do it/have fun/etc".
  
  Jump on the negative self-talk and replace it as soon as you hear it. To do that, you have to be listening.
  
  Transferring this to any child you are teaching, simply give them the positive self-talk phrase/s at the appropriate action point. This will help them avoid or minimize a lifetime of negative self-talk and self-sabotage.

Some extra points to remember:

• Set yourself up for habitual (daily) implementation of your Being There list and your positive self talk. Start the day with it, shower with it, eat lunch with it, go to sleep plotting it.


• An additional word on diet and happiness: sugar and simple carbohydrates create moods or moodiness. They take control away from:
  o your decisions and actions to be happy; and
  o your body’s natural ability and inclination to be happy.
  More self-sabotage, or sabotage of the health of the child, if this is not brought under dietary control.


• A final note about other forms of depression and other health problems like ADD and ADHD. See the medical experts and do your research.

Notice how practical these steps and actions are. Even though happiness can seem like an intangible thing, we are still able to generate it for ourselves by simple, practical decisions and actions.

Homework for the Parent-Teacher
To teach children something, you need both knowledge about it and experience of it yourself.

• Knowledge can be gained from human sources, say, your parents, and text-based sources like this article.


• If experience of consciously-applied happiness is lacking in your life, take some time over the next few days to apply the steps above. Keep it simple and time-limited so it’s not a burden, so you will do it.

Experiment with yourself.

• Start with one or two simple things in your life from step one above: Defining Happiness.


• Then, pursue your decision to be happy in some small way by apply one of the options from step two: Being There.


• Do some linking between action and emotion: step three.


• Practice some position self-talk: step four.


• Catch yourself in any negative self-talk around this pursuit of happiness.


• Replace it with the positive self-talk you’ve developed.


• Repeat and repeat to build:
  o familiarity,
  o a comfort zone around this deliberate choice to be happy,
  o ease of application (doing without so much thinking),
  o satisfaction with your results, and
  o satisfaction with your efforts (enjoy the process and the outcome).

Now, do you see what you have done? You have just taught yourself how to be happy.

• Having taught yourself


• and gained the experience of the application process,


• you have first-hand knowledge and experience,


• and this puts you in the prime seat for teaching children.

Simple enough, hey.

It doesn’t matter whether you are teaching children or adults how to be deliberately happy, it’s the same process.

• Simple step-by-step explanations and application.


• If things aren’t going too well, go back a step or back to the start.


• Each step must be understood and integrated before the next can be added to the whole for the technique to work, to last for the long haul.

Before you apply this exercise to yourself and gear up to teach children how to be happy, set a baseline for yourself. Use this POLL to check where happiness generation currently fits into your life.