Taking a Chapter from the Liberals' Stimulus Plan

I have a mortgage and credit card debt. My daughter has been accepted at a high profile pricey college, and it'll break her heart if she can't attend. I know my situation sounds dire, but fear not my friends.

I've decided to implement President Obama's plan to right my family's economy. Spend, spend, spend is now our family motto. I've maxed out my Visa, and am working on my American Express. After that, I'll hit the Discover and maybe apply for a Mastercard too.

My daughters' are about to get brand new wardrobes, courtesy of Abercrombie and Fitch credit. We need a new car, and I'm thinking if I conduct all of the buying within a short period of time (before they find out I'm broke), my 800 FICO score should be enough to dupe the poor suckers into extending me credit.

My daughters will get stuck with the bill, because the amount of debt I'm acquiring to get my financial house in order is overwhelming. But that's okay. They're young and strong and intelligent. They can handle it better than their mother and dad. And they will thank me in the end.

I'm just glad I've seen the light. All these years I thought the way to prosperity was through fiscal responsibility. I guess that's old math.

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