Surviving Infidelity in Marriage

Due to various reasons, the number of cases of infidelity in marriage has increased manifolds in the last few decades. Statistics of various surveys reveal that though both men and women may get into extramarital affairs but the percentage of men cheating his wife is much higher. Moreover, it is more common in young couples than in the older ones. Discovering infidelity in marriage comes as a shock and the betrayed spouse really does not know how to react. The sense of disbelief may continue for the next few days or it may last for several weeks. The faster you are able to accept the fact that it happened in your marriage the better is the chances of surviving infidelity in marriage.

Identifying the Factors Leading to Infidelity

There can be numerous reasons behind extramarital affairs in a marriage. It is a myth that infidelity cannot happen in a good marriage. Infidelity can happen both in good marriages as well as in marriages with marital problems. A spouse may be involved in such affairs with or without any sense of guilt. Of course, one of the key factors responsible for such a situation is lack of affection between the two. Most married couples take their spouses for granted and get busy with other aspects of life such as, pursuing their career or raising children. Thus they forget the need of their spouse. In such a scenario, an emotional void is created and they start looking for someone who can fill up this gap.

Those with lack of self-esteem or addicted towards sex and romance or those who are looking for more power and influence in their lives, are more prone to get involved with someone outside the marriage. Physical intimacy may or may not exist in marital infidelity. It may involve flirtation or deception only. Today, chatting with someone of the opposite sex over internet can be considered as a form of emotional infidelity and is posing big problems in many marriages. Emotional infidelity in marriage is as bad as any physical relationship.

How to Save Your Marriage?

The decision whether you should save your marriage or opt for divorce depends upon you because nobody knows the exact circumstances better than you. However, if you are brave enough to give your marriage another chance, the following measures will help you a lot:

Get Rid of Anger: When a person is deeply hurt, it is natural to feel a strong sense of anger. However, you should get rid of this emotion as early as possible. Bottling up the anger will cause more harm to you than anyone else. Moreover, this feeling is so strong that it will not let you think of the situation logically. It can also lead to some more negative feelings like the desire for revenge. Once the anger subsides, you can focus on the relevant relationship issues like your future life and goals.

Forgive your Spouse: If your spouse confesses truly and sincerely that the affair was a mistake on his or her part and promises to put an end to the extramarital relationship then you should consider to forgive him or her. It is not easy to find the strength to forgive for such a mistake that has almost devastated your life. Think it this way that you are giving a second chance to your marriage by forgiving your spouse.

Communicate: The key to surviving marital infidelity is communication. When we say communication, it means simple conversations and not any sort of arguments or shouting at each other. You can ask as many questions as you want, but you should also listen to what the other person has to say on the issue. It is through such healthy discussions you can find out if your spouse is ready to abandon the affair or not, whether he or she is genuinely repentant on the wrongdoing and both of you can also decide on your future plans.

Counseling: Seeking a professional help from a good marriage counselor is essential for surviving infidelity in marriage. It will also be beneficial for coping infidelity with proper relationship advice. Certain things have to be changed in your relationship to make it survive all over again. These necessary things can be identified by the marriage counselor in a much better way than you and your spouse. After counseling, both of you will feel that you have gained something after the session.

Repair the Damage: This is a time taking process and you have to invest a lot of time and effort to make things better for both of you. It is a teamwork and both of you should be equally involved in it. You have to understand each other and cooperate with each other to succeed. Set real, achievable goals for yourselves. Try to spend as much time as possible with each other. Participate in all those activities in which both of you are interested to rebuild the bond. Most importantly, slowly but surely try to re-establish the trust.

The best part of surviving infidelity is that you will end up discovering a lot of new things about yourself, your spouse and your relationship. You will find that you have grown up as a stronger and better human being.