Stress Know Thine Enemy, Take Simple Steps to Help Yourself

Stress is a part of everyday life. Stress can happen because of many life events; for example, getting married, getting divorced, financial worries, illness and almost an infinite number of other reasons. To maintain our health it is important that we should manage our stress levels. One of the biggest problems facing the developed world including us here in Scotland is that the pace of life and the number of things that we have to deal with seems to increase year on year. A lot of the time we are able to manage our stress effectively but sometimes it can become overwhelming and we become ill. The best part is that professional help is available for stress management. I have spent many years with Glasgow Counseling services dealing with this problem and in this article I show what you can do to help yourself.

What is Stress?

There is not a single definition of what the man in the street would call stress. Symptoms can include headaches, raised heart rate, anxiety, heightened awareness, sleeplessness or under/overeating. Stress comes from a biological response called fight or flight. We try to protect ourselves from harm so when we perceive a threat the body gets ready to meet that threat. There are two responses, fight to protect ourselves or flight (run away) to get us away from the threat. In both cases you can see how an elevated heart rate, anxiety, higher hormones would all be needed to help us fight or escape.

This response is very useful if you are a caveman, or being threatened by a mugger on the street. However, if the source of the stress (threat) is your boss, it is hard to fight or flight that situation. The problem gets worse, because your body can of course take the stress response. After all it has evolved to work that way, the problem comes when the body is in this heightened state, all or most of the time, there is no rest bite from the anxiety of will I be attacked, my heart rate is constantly elevated. The system is under pressure all the time. We become irritable and can't switch off.

Unhealthy ways of coping

Many clients, who come to my practice, and other practices, try to find ways of coping with stress. Most of these are attempts to switch off or push the stress away, rather than dealing with the underlying causes

• People drink, smoke or use drugs (including prescription drugs)
• People over or under eat
• People withdraw and become distant, perhaps not going out with friends or answering the phone
• People spent all their time in bed
• People lash out at others taking their frustration and anger out on others (usually those close to them who are worried)

All these are bad for us to different degrees; indeed some will actually increase our stress. If someone speaks to us about our alcohol intake we can feel threatened, or we worry about putting on a lot of weight etc.

So what can I do?

Broadly there are two ways to deal with the stress. First you could remove the thing that is stressing you. So if it is your job, could you change job or your hours etc? Second you can choose to react to the stress or differently you could try to think what you will do with your new qualification and how much it will help you move on, rather than the stress of the exam and that 'you'll never pass'.

• 'No' is an important word in stress management and you should get used to saying it. One person can only do so much. Know your limits and say no. Stick to those limits, because once you've got too much on your plate it's a surefire recipe for more stress.
• If you can avoid those who stress you out do so. If you find that someone in the toddler's group wind you up try to talk to others away from the person. Is there another group or a different day you can go on? At worst limit your contact with that person, give yourself the chance you need.
• Avoid situations that make you tense, if it's driving home from work - can you change the time you work at or can you leave 30 minutes later. If it's the drive to work, leave earlier and enjoy a tea at your desk before the daily work starts.
• Avoid things that you know upset you. If it's religion, avoid discussing the subject. If it's football choose to do something else while others discuss what happened at last night's game. (Of course in cities like Glasgow this can prove a huge challenge with the massive following that the two local clubs have)
• You need to think about being more assertive, that is making sure that your needs are heard, express those feelings don't bottle them up - this is where a counselor or a good friend can make a big difference they can help you to explore those feelings and identify the situations and events that you need be wary of.
• You need to be able to compromise you are not going to get it all done. Be more realistic with yourself - live within what you can cope with, say no if it's going to overload you. Focus on what you have done not what you haven't.
• Spend some time looking after yourself and working to relax the tension you are carrying. There are many relaxation tapes you can buy, but sometimes it's sitting with your favorite TV program or reading a book or taking a bath that helps the most.

In the same way as different people have different stresses; there are many ways to tackle the problem. In this article I have tried to share some of that methods I use in my practice, counseling in Glasgow, but all these methods will transfer. I hope that you will find them useful and you find the peace you need.