Stepchildren Issues

Remember The Brady Bunch, the hugely popular sitcom from the 1970s, which followed the misadventures that occurred when two widowed people married and brought to the union, six children? The Brady Bunch had a homogeneous, perfectly blended household, which seemed to find nothing unique about their family. There was something romanticized about the entire series. Maybe it was the fact that the familial disputes caused by stepchildren issues, were at times milder than fights in even typical nuclear families.

With a rise in the number of divorces and an increase in second marriages, combined families are not so unusual anymore. There are several families which have step parenting dynamics in place. Introducing your potential husband or partner to your child can be a huge step in itself, and and conditioning your children to the idea of a new parent can be quite difficult. Stepchildren and step parents both have to fight preconceived notions, like the evil stepmother, made infamous by popular fairy tales like Cinderella.

Stepchildren Issues

Acceptance of a new adult in one's life can take some time, especially in cases where the kids have witnessed the death of a parent, as the step parent can be viewed as a replacement. Power struggles may be the first sign of addition of members to your family. Stepparents often end up bearing the brunt of all the fears and frustration of a child, especially as they are viewed as someone to whom they are not answerable. It is difficult to tread on such territory, especially due to lack of experience, and then the entire relationship starts functioning on the basis of a guesswork game. Several thousands of people are stuck in similar situations with stepchildren issues, with studies showing that there are more step families in the US, than biological families. Many of these step parents have absolutely no idea as to how to go about becoming a parent to someone else's child, let alone making him/her one's own.

Stepchildren problems can differ depending upon the age of the stepchild. If you are becoming the step parent to a toddler, then your problems are going to be very minimal, compared to entering an established household with teenagers. The problem may multiply, if you have kids as well and you and your partner are moving in together with your respective families. In such cases, the kids have to adjust not just to a step parent, but also step siblings. Sibling rivalry between the kids can reach new levels, especially if they are of the same age and of the same gender. Fights can be about minor things like using the bathroom or sharing bedrooms, to extreme competitiveness over studies, co-curricular activities and even relationships.

Stepchildren and your marriage can be affected when conflict arises between you and your partner over parenting decisions, like the limits set for your children, child care or discipline issues. There also may be occasions when you find yourself stuck between your partner and your step child during an argument between them. As a step parent, you may often be accused of taking your partner's side, or in case of fights between step siblings, taking the side of your biological child. This balancing act will take a lot of practice, and more importantly patience.

Bonding with Your Stepchild

If your partner has a child, then insist on meeting him/her before you become serious about the relationship and decide to get married. Step children and marriage cannot be treated as two separate things. Go on outings together. Try and find out what his/her interests are, and try to plan your trips around these likings. This maybe a little difficult with older children. It is important that you try and develop a friendly and strong relationship with your stepchild. Do not expect to have an instantaneous relation with the kid; it will take time for him/her to trust and like you, especially because there will be constant comparisons with their biological parent.

Try and have new family traditions and things to do. Initially, you could earmark a day for family outings and also have family meetings to resolve any issues that seem to be cropping up. But don't make these meetings serious affairs, use them to plan other fun events to improve family relationships. Give the kids their share of influence in the family decisions. Ensure that you respect the choices that your stepchild makes. If your step children do not stay with you but visit you on weekends, then make sure that they feel like a part of the family. Maybe you can give them their own space with place for their stuff. Try and include them in family chores and give them responsibilities and duties.

Stepchildren issues can often result from infringement of space (or what they consider their space). Therefore it is a good idea to shift into a new house, especially if you are combining families, as this starts both sets of kids on neutral ground. If you and your partner are planning to have a child, then you may have to deal with problems between stepchildren and a new baby, as they may harbor feelings of jealousy, envy and even anger. This can maybe be a result of a feeling that the newborn baby is more of a part of the 'family' compared to the stepchild.

If you get along famously with your stepchild and are planning to initiate stepchild adoption process, then talk to your kid about the effects of this move and ensure that he/she will be happy. This step will make the child your legal heir. If you have stepchildren, in intestacy (the situation of being or dying without a legally valid will), according to law, your step kids have no right to your property, if they are not legally adopted.

While it is easy to write an article on how to deal with stepchildren issues, and give suggestions, in reality the situation may definitely be a lot tougher (or easier). Hopefully, you will have it easy.