Space Invaders Land On Earth
Show Us Your Vegetables.
When space invaders finally landed on Earth it was shocking – they looked just like us…only bigger.
Katherine Frey is a hairdresser in Miami. She approached one of them, a female, and said, "Didn’t I do your hair last week?"
Turns out the space invaders speak English.
"It’s as good as any other tongue," one of them said.
Raymond Childress is a machinist in New Jersey. He remarked on their size. "They look like Shaquille O’Neal on steroids. That one, the one standing on the sidewalk, he must be 8 feet tall and 400 pounds."
Their leader demanded to see our leader, the President of the United States.
The Secret Service deemed them passive visitors and allowed their leader and her entourage into the Oval Office.
"What brings you here?" the President asked. "This nation, this entire world, wants to know."
"We are looking for vegetables," their leader answered in perfect English.
There was a pause. The President’s Chief of Staff fidgeted with his car keys.
The President of the United States took it all in, and remarked to himself that "this is one gigantic woman."
"You see," the space invader’s leader said, "we have very little soil left on our Earth."
There was another pause. All the President’s Men were hesitant to comment.
"Because," the leader said: "We have managed to pave over our entire planet. If we see a single corn stalk we deem it a tourist attraction.
Therefore…" and she measured her words, "we have all become shall we say larger than life by eating synthetic foods."
The President’s staff made notes on paper.
"How about a coffee?" the President asked the space invader.
At 7 feet 8 inches, and 385 pounds, it was a sight to see the space invader leader break down in tears.
"Synthetic coffee is so awful," she said.
Her assistants all whispered into her ear.
"We would be grateful for a cup of coffee," she told the President of the United States.
The President was thinking this thing through.
"You don’t need vegetables," he told her, "you need land."
With that comment, the space invaders’ real motive became clear.
"Cancel that coffee," the President quickly directed his staff.
"We will escort you back to your space crafts and ask that you leave and find your solution elsewhere," the President of the Free World said.
That turned out to be a mistake. The space invaders broke into action, tearing the room apart and throwing human bodies against the walls. Before guns could be drawn all humans had been quieted.
The space invader leader gradually but firmly moved to the President’s desk in the Oval Office and sat down.
Her first command was: "Bring me the Secretary of Agriculture."
Katherine Frey is a hairdresser in Miami. She approached one of them, a female, and said, "Didn’t I do your hair last week?"
Turns out the space invaders speak English.
"It’s as good as any other tongue," one of them said.
Raymond Childress is a machinist in New Jersey. He remarked on their size. "They look like Shaquille O’Neal on steroids. That one, the one standing on the sidewalk, he must be 8 feet tall and 400 pounds."
Their leader demanded to see our leader, the President of the United States.
The Secret Service deemed them passive visitors and allowed their leader and her entourage into the Oval Office.
"What brings you here?" the President asked. "This nation, this entire world, wants to know."
"We are looking for vegetables," their leader answered in perfect English.
There was a pause. The President’s Chief of Staff fidgeted with his car keys.
The President of the United States took it all in, and remarked to himself that "this is one gigantic woman."
"You see," the space invader’s leader said, "we have very little soil left on our Earth."
There was another pause. All the President’s Men were hesitant to comment.
"Because," the leader said: "We have managed to pave over our entire planet. If we see a single corn stalk we deem it a tourist attraction.
Therefore…" and she measured her words, "we have all become shall we say larger than life by eating synthetic foods."
The President’s staff made notes on paper.
"How about a coffee?" the President asked the space invader.
At 7 feet 8 inches, and 385 pounds, it was a sight to see the space invader leader break down in tears.
"Synthetic coffee is so awful," she said.
Her assistants all whispered into her ear.
"We would be grateful for a cup of coffee," she told the President of the United States.
The President was thinking this thing through.
"You don’t need vegetables," he told her, "you need land."
With that comment, the space invaders’ real motive became clear.
"Cancel that coffee," the President quickly directed his staff.
"We will escort you back to your space crafts and ask that you leave and find your solution elsewhere," the President of the Free World said.
That turned out to be a mistake. The space invaders broke into action, tearing the room apart and throwing human bodies against the walls. Before guns could be drawn all humans had been quieted.
The space invader leader gradually but firmly moved to the President’s desk in the Oval Office and sat down.
Her first command was: "Bring me the Secretary of Agriculture."
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