Social Etiquette For Yuppies

Many Americans have a love-hate relationship with the aristocracy. The raise their eyebrows and groan when they read about the antics of Bonnie Prince Charlie and his brood, but would fall all over themselves – and start practicing curtsies – if they ever got a chance to meet him. So I wonder how many of them have heard of Debrett’s Peerage. This venerable volume has been in continuous publication for three hundred years and meticulously records the personal details of every Lord and Lady in England’s green and pleasant land.

Which is why it was quite a shock to find that even Debrett’s has finally capitulated to the distressing republican notions you Yanks have been propagating all over the world (just kidding! I love you guys); and come out with a guide for commoners, entitled "Etiquette for Girls." Debrett’s also seem to have acquired the American panache for catching eyeballs. Take a look at a picture of the book dust jacket included with this article. I bet none of the men noticed that the girl is eating oysters.

Debrett’s, of course, are "recognized internationally as the arbiter of etiquette and behaviour" (their description, not mine) and their stated noble purpose for bringing out this tome is to act as a "survival guide for modern life’’ to needy women in metropolises around the world. (Did you think it was about profit? Gosh! You’re common.). It offers measured advice for modern women on how to break up with a married boyfriend, deal with your boss, attend a rock festival or commit the social sin of smoking. Who says they don’t move with the times? Way to go, Debbie!

Debrett’s editor, Jo Aitchison, intones (as only the English can) "Manners make society a much nicer place", no matter that it involves such plebian activities like text message adultery or after-work partying. In other words, you can fool around and still be polite about it.

Only those familiar with Debrett’s would realize what a huge leap into the unknown this is for them. Debrett’s has always labored under a dusty, if distinguished, image as a chronicler of all things English, such as the correct way to address the wife of a Duke. Long years ago, Jane Austen referred to Debrett’s "Guide to Etiquette and Manners" as the bible for good manners, but the new Etiquette for Girls bears only a passing resemblance to the original stiff advice on grouse shooting, house parties in the country, or how to curtsey and behave at Royal Ascot.

However, Aitchison insists that "Debrett’s time-worn status as arbiter of old-fashioned manners gives it great authority to indicate the right way to behave in racier, more unbuttoned times." Don’t you just love Britspeak?

There is some good stuff in this volume. Like this gem. "A one-night-stand is a bit like fast food: tempting, but with nauseating afterthoughts, but if one must do it, make health and safety a priority, avoid dark-alley gropery, and unladylike fumbling in the back of a cab; discuss the necessaries to avoid planting any love children or disease, and you’re away.’’ Well said, ed. Miss Manners, eat your heart out.