Silent Tears 10

CHAPTER 10:

Fanaa sat in the limo in which Alian had come (with all glory and pomp and show). For some reason her heart felt heavy. As if a part of her still missed the time she had spent with Julian….
He’d said he’d loved her all along… that he had always known the feelings she had for him. He wasn’t really made for her. But still. Why the tears? Why all the pain when he had done it for the billions she was the owner of? She couldn’t stop… bleeding, the tears wouldn’t stop. She could hear sobs wreaking inside her. Hoping they would her mark the end to that horrible first love. Praying she’d never fall in love again….

Alian sat solemnly across Fanaa. He was giving her some private space. They had laughed about all the act they had done. But then her mood had gone down beat; she said she was guilty of hurting him. He wondered if she was insane. And she was upset cause she had expected him to say sorry…. Strange, very strange. ‘But then’ thought Alian, ‘isn’t how my life is? I must lose her to the past…. She doesn’t even love me…. Too many expectations…. Sigh!’

He gazed at her as she balled her hands into fists and pressed her knuckles to her mouth. The tears fell off her face as she trembled slightly. He handed her another tissue, as he had been doing since the past few minutes. She mumbled a small thanks and continued her efforts to control her crying.
***
((Fanaa))

I had been crying from a very long time. After Julian left we had a nice time. But Alian stayed back. What was he waiting for? Had he not been there, I wouldn’t have been able to put up that show. I would have begged him again. To let me in his life. I’m a beggar, that’s just what I am. I’m a sick deaf and helpless female who has no confidance over herself. I’m the worst specimen of a pity party ever known…. My tears won’t stop. Poor Alian, he can’t do anything. He looks so sad. I wonder what depresses him more- me or Julian…. What if Alian’s in love with me. What if I could go to the national ball with him…. I’d love to dance with him… even if it’s just moving bodies and lights around me… no music… nothing at all. Its weird… falling for someone who’s life is music…. I’d make him deficient. I’d just make his life incomplete rather than completing it….
***
((Alian))

Fanaa is so sad, there is a certain degree of loss written on her face. I know she’s missing her ‘ex’… ugh! Man! He didn’t even look worthy of her. Sigh! As if I get to decide who’s worthy of her…. Fanaa…. Fanaa…. To die for the one you love…. What a beautiful name. what a beautiful owner for that lovely name. Ok…. She would have caught me gazing at her but luckily, she doesn’t really seem to be minding it. Still…. She’s hurt…. Maybe I should do something to distract her…. Kiss her? Na na na…. it’ll be too big a risk…. Just a small one on her soft cheeks? No no no… she’s crying over her ex I can’t do things like this. She’ll probably think I’m taking my chance. Ok ok…. I know what to do. I just have to be myself…. Just have to be who I am when I am with her….

***
Fanaa glanced at Alian. He seemed to be trying to get her attention. She dabbed at her eyes, and looked at him with questioning eyes.
"Are you alright now?"
She just nodded her head as the limo stopped outside Alian’s bungalow. They got off and the limo sped off to someplace Alian requested.

Alian held the door for her. She had apparently stopped crying and the expression on her face was so that it didn’t even look like she had been sad. It was pure awe. The door was ordinary wood but beautifully carved. The right wall was covered by speakers of different sizes arranged artistically, till the ceiling. Two three woofers sat in between the speakers. There was a small shelf on the adjoining wall. Alian opened it to switch on the air conditioner. It was an electric panel. The same wall, the one opposite the door, was decorated with works of modern art. Then she turned to the left wall. In between two huge and long sofas stood a tall lean table which held a glass show- case. Inside the glass show case sat a black colored vase with ‘Fanaa’ etched into the glass at the bottom. She felt a balloon swell inside her. How he’d treasured her token. She smiled with emotions bubbling through her. On the left wall were guitars of different times. The room was filled with music though she couldn’t hear it.

"Is some music playing in the room?" she asked softly.
"No…"
She spoke after a few seconds- "Doesn’t music generally play here?"
"Yes…"
"Can you do me a favour?"
"Anything…"
"Can you sing for me?"
"If you want me to…"

Fanaa closed her eyes and waited.
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
Was it this that made Julian say that her life was dry?
Was it this that made her pity herself?
Was it this that made her strange… very strange?

Alian looked at her, eyes closed. Listening to nothing but the silence. He continued singing. His mellow but metallic voice filled the room as he increased the volume of the karaoke of his first romantic song playing in the background. He could hear his voice being carried around the room and rebound off the walls and get absorbed into the substances filling his living room. She couldn’t listen to a word of his song. But he hoped the emotions would survive the barrier of sound. That his heart would touch hers in a way no other had. That she would give him what he had already given her. That she would surrender her heart….

She opened her eyes. The hazel in her eyes holding the dark brown in his. Their eyes never left each other. She took a step towards him and mouthed- "Don’t stop". And then another step and a few more and she was standing at a distance of a few inches from him.
Alian could feel his heart trying to escape his chest. He could feel his voice fall but got it back on track almost as quickly as it fell. Fanaa continued looking at him. As if asking permission. He just continued singing. Not stopping, not pausing, not wanting the seconds that passed to steal the moment from him.
The gentle beats were a rhythm to his wildly beating heart. The piano carried the song, the guitar which he himself had recorded made everything have life. The remote control in his hand was clutched tightly as Fanaa raised her pale fingers to the point below his Adam’s apple. He didn’t stop. Couldn’t stop. He saw her close her eyes.

Fanaa felt the whirr of vocal cords. Feeling the music. His music. Every time he took a breather, she could feel the vocal cords relax and attain their normal position. Then in a second the tense and slow movement began again and again…and again and… till there was no movement, only a nervous bobbing of his Adam’s apple. The song had ended. He had stopped singing. She let her fingers linger over his skin, her cool fingertips traced their way to his neck and held themselves there. She opened her eyes and looked into his inquisitive eyes. there was nothing but care. Had he hurt her? Had he brought on bad memories?
Her eyes said no but still there was no doubting the care, the love… love?

She said in an awe laden voice- "Your voice is like silk against silk…"
Alian gulped and said, but no voice came through, "I hope I granted your favor…"