Silent Tears - 2

CHAPTER 2:

‘And I don’t wan’ the world to see me….
Cause I don’ think that they’d understand….
When everything’s meant to be broken….
I just want you to know who I am…."

The music that followed filled Alian’s ears. It was 2 in the night and he couldn’t catch a wink of sleep. He was nevertheless content. Recalling the evening, for the seventh time. Slowly unraveling the memory, letting it touch his heart. He allowed his mind to roam free. Perhaps cause his heart was still watching Fanaa try her fingers over the guitar strings. He had never allowed anyone to touch it before. She was the first one. And she didn’t know what she was playing…. "Sorry, but I’m not blessed with the sense of hearing…."
She had said that as if it was like saying her name. didn’t it hurt her? Didn’t she know that it hurt him? How would she? The innocent little author from the bungalow beside the river moon café. He’d never felt so content. It was a strange warm and yet silky feeling. He didn’t know how to describe it. Fanaa….

((ALIAN))…

At this moment I’m rolling on my low set bed. The lights in my room are mellow. I can hear the rain outside. And I can feel myself outside. Ugh! Something is wrong with my head. Can’t even play my regular goo goo dolls iris! Its been 6 and a half hours since she stopped crying. It was abrupt- the way she started crying and then stopped, continuing the conversation with a smile and lip reading of course. Maybe she stopped crying cause our burgers were ready and she said she had to get the burgers…. I stood up before she could gather herself and in minutes I was setting the plates on our table. My guitar sat next to her. She was looking at it in between bites and in between looking at me. I saw her blush… lucky me, the light was on her or she would have seen me turning cheeky and all. I had my dinner at the café. But before dinner we had a nice long full chat of about 2 hours and 90 minutes. It was utter bliss. She was telling me about the river, how beautiful it was to go boating in the summer evenings. She wanted to go but her parents, she said; were not living with her. My new ‘friend’ is an author.

She has deadlines and lots of projects to complete. We both are standing at the same dawn, of the same spring…. She finished her deadlines and projects and took a break of three months to come to the summer villa of her parents. Says she writes under her pseudonym and she didn’t tell me what it was. I went on asking her about her likes and dislikes. Her novel lay unread in her lap. She was I hope, enjoying her time with me. And we talked about many things…. So many that I have no words just the memories of it all…. All too soon, when it we were in the middle of our conversation about the types of guitar her cell phone which was lying motionless since the evening started vibrating. Her mum had called to check on her. He he he, she lied and said that she was peacefully reading a novel at the café. Sigh… then we realized that it was about to be 10.30; she had to go home, do some chores, make some office calls. I remember asking her;
"Uh… um… Fanaa, may I have your number? I’d love to get in touch again…."
She smiled and said, "Sure… I’ll show you my place, it’s just beyond the curve you must have taken… give me your number… I’ll give a missed call…"
And in that glorious moment (alright, I had no bad intentions) I got her number. Sounds a bit too fast forward? Well… that’s how I am… totally unpredictable.
It is now 3 in the night. I’ve been listening to songs… maroon 5, greenday, goo goo dolls, simple plan, click five… the list keeps growing. Anyway… I’ve planned to pay a visit to Fanaa sometime soon. She said she’ll show me her pottery works. And… hey! My mobile’s showing a message! Oooh! 3 in the night! Who could it be?
***
‘Fanaa’. The message blinked at him. Alian cradled the mobile carefully in one hand and half sat himself with support of the pillows. He could hear his stomach growling. Fanaa was up? At this time of the night? Was she feeling the same for him?
He flicked open the lid of his touch screen cell and read-
‘Hi Alian… if you are awake can I chat through messages and if you are asleep sorry for the disturbance…’

Alian settled more comfortably in his bed and began texting her back-
‘Honestly… I could use some company’

He waited for a few desperate minutes after which he got a reply. Excited, she was really there he continued, the message read;
‘I was workin’ on some pots, unconsciously misshaped two of them… he he he. Have you ever seen pottery?’

‘Not really. On discovery, Indian pottery’

‘Are you busy doing something else?’

‘Not at all. Was thinking of some good memories…’

‘Want to share those good memories or are they personal?’

Alian smiled to himself and typed-
‘someday I will… I’d like to know more about you. What’s ur pseudonym?’

‘no way. I’m not telling u my pseudonym. U’ll come to know sooner or later. And… what were u doing till so late in the night?’

‘precisely. What are u doing at this time of the night?’

‘I asked u first… answer me first…’

‘Fanaa…. I was just whilin’ away my time….’

She replied and her reply tore his heart to pieces-
‘Hey if u were listening to music u don’t have to hide it from me. I’ll understand… instead I’ll be happy to see u getting connected to music’

‘Its not that. I thought u’d feel awkward… u r very frank Fanaa.’

‘trust me with the experiences I had in my home town and college days, frankness is nothing…’

‘Why did something bad happen?’

‘nope. People don’t respond to a lip reading creep very affectionately. Plus I do it in a very obvious way. It can freak u out, but it helps me a lot. If I don’t do it so obviously, I myself won’t get the meaning of things people say’

‘talking to u makes me feel very … inferior. Very guilty that I don’t take life the way it comes.’

Fanaa’s reply cane three minutes late in between which he grabbed a washed apple and munched on it with one hand. His mobile beeped-
‘let me put it in a way you’ll be able to understand better. If life was either an mp3 player or a radio what would u choose?’

Alian replied without much thought-
‘I’d prefer my life to be an mpr player. Why?’

‘it explains the type of person u r. You’d like to have things your way. You want to be in control of your life… am I right? If I’m not correct me’

‘Excellent observation. Had I not wanted to be in control of my life I wouldn’t be yelling my head off at myself…’

‘Come on, its ok. U know that. Why did u get angry at yourself?’

‘I feel that I’m drifting away from the love of my life.’

Fanaa sent a quick reply-
‘Are u committed?’

He replied equally fast-
‘YES’

‘may I know the name of the love of your life?’

He wondered if she was feeling bad. Why to play games with someone like her. She was so innocent, so caring, so considerate.

‘music.’

‘Oh! I thought u were in love with someone and were going out, so it wouldn’t be appropriate to talk to u at this time of the night. Sorry if I hurt u.’

‘Hey now u r hurting me…. I don’t want sorry from u. Please Fanaa.’

‘Alright… its gonna be 3.30 I’m planning to have a warm glass of milk and tuck in. Any questions?’

‘Yes mam! What is the meaning of ur name?’

‘its an Urdu term my parents liked a lot.’

‘what does it mean?’

Fanaa sent a beautiful reply, one that completed his happiness.
‘Fanaa means to die for the one u love.’

‘U have a very beautiful name’
He wanted to add- one that is as beautiful as your mind. But held it.

‘thank you… what r u planning for tomorrow?’

Alian replied, his eyes were feeling heavy now;
‘planning to go back to that café. When is it the most free?’
He thought to himself- or rather when do u come there?

‘It’s a working day tomorrow. It’ll be free till 5 in the evening and then after 7. Have a nice day tomorrow. Me going to sleep Alian’

‘Same here. Drooping eyelids…. Going… going… gone to sleep. Kidding. Sleep well sunflower.’
He knew he was taking a risk by saying that but still, bigger risks, bigger achievements.

‘u 2 bunny. Good night. It’s late for night. So good dawn. He he he. Bye I’ll see if I can come over tomorrow. We’ll plan to drag u to my place someday. I wanted to show u the misshapen pots’

‘Tomorrow, promise.’

‘alright Alian- tomorrow.’

‘Thanks, had a nice time. Tuck in fast. Before the sun rises up. Good night Fanaa.’

That was the last message Alian got before he knew Fanaa was asleep and that he too was going to sleep.
He plugged in the mp3 player and kept it at his bed side… some song was on. He didn’t know the artist but knew the lyrics. And they brought a smile to his lips as he fell asleep thinking of how true the song was-

‘I’m falling even more in love with you,
I’m lettin’ go of all I’d held on to….’

***
If anyone knows the artist of the above song, I'm falling even more in love with you, kindly tell me. It's a video of blood+ haji and saya on youtube. And he he he. Its a partially true story.... now which part is true and which part is not.... HE HE HE Do comment and let me know what name I should give Fanaa. Her pseudonym. Something uncommon.