Silent Tears - 1

CHAPTER 1

It was raining. Fanaa could only see it. No noises interrupted her vision. No sounds distracted her from feeling the marred perfection of the moment. Marred, because people can listen to the rain drops striking the ground or roof or whatever surface. She, on the other hand, could not. But knew what few people did, that we only listen to the rain drops touching a surface not falling rain drops. The friction of the wind against the falling water was too little, too meager to be of any auditory value. In spite of not being able to understand any and by any I mean literally any sound, Fanaa understood the meaning of sound- its origin, the intensity. She called it feeling the sound. She compared it to various other things she felt. Like comparing feel to sound, apples and oranges. Her sense of touch was somehow connecting itself to the sense of smell. She had no idea how. For some reason unknown to her she felt it would come in handy.

***
"Hey listen up! I’m in no mood to start hoping onstage, I just finished a performance!"
Alian was losing his patience as he continued yelling at his manager. The ‘manager’ a bald man in his fifties was shaking his head with an exasperated look. The boy in front of him was being unreasonably difficult. Sighing, he said, "Alian! Would you care to notice that your last performance was last week. As in 6 days back. What is wrong in performing for yet another crowd?"
"Because it is YET another crowd! Don’t you understand? My life is getting monotonous and its killing me. I’m not living the way I want…." All because of a stupid contract, he thought. You can’t exactly mouth off someone who is you dad’s age or technically who happens to be your stage manager.
The manager, nodded slowly and said in a kind tone, something rare but there, "Alian, I want you to see me at 7 today evening. How about I take you out for a treat on my daughter’s university selection?"
"Yeah sure," he mumbled and stood up to leave. With a ‘see you at 7’ look, Alian grabbed his backpack and left. It was drizzling outside, as expected. He stood by the gates of the studio as his chauffeured car turned around to pick him up. Throwing his backpack before him he thrust himself inside. There was so much of water dripping from his wavy locks. Sigh! Why me?
It was 2 in the afternoon when Alian had last seen his manager. And now it was 6.30 p.m. Half an hour to get refreshed and move toward the Hotel where he was supposed to meet the manager and his daughter. Alian almost had a doubt that she had a crush on him because of the very obvious ways of flirting she tried with him…. Still he felt like blowing up every now and then. Music did not calm him down like before. He tried all sorts of music, heavy soft, pop, rock everything and nothing seemed to be helping. Checking his watch Alian stood up to leave. Music…. It was his life.

***
Fanaa stashed the novel in a small handbag and headed out towards her favorite café. It was run by her cousin’s friend. And she liked Fanaa a lot. No problem sliding in and out of that place. It was busy only till 7 in the evening. Beyond that it was a library for avid readers to enjoy the peace of the river breeze. They said music from the studio across floated over the river and that made it all the more peaceful. She had time till 10 in the night. Dinner was from the café today. Different but alone again. She was a loner kind of person. Independent. Then why did loneliness bother so much?
"Hi Fanaa! How you doing?" Sarah asked her as she understood what Sarah was saying by lip reading. Practice makes man perfect. No man is perfect. There are certain exceptions to both these rules. And with practice, Fanaa had perfected the art of lip reading.
"Great Sarah! How’s the new bakery coming?"
Sarah’s expression plummeted down to her knees. She explained, "Actually, we are running low on the budget and the construction workers are killing us. If don’t cough up the rest of their pay by the end of next month there’ll be no bakery… we have already taken a loan but I don’t think August would like to get any deeper into debts…."
August was Sarah’s fiancé. They were working hard to set up a good café and the plan was unfolding steadily but slowly. August had a full time job as an algebra professor but still. Some dreams need more investment. Fanaa watched Sarah serve the dishes with a smile on her face, the pain behind those eyes hidden by a layer of mascara and eyeliner. A few minutes more and the place would be half occupied by readers who’d settle down in corners and do their own work. Not minding others or the sad little owner of the place. She asked for a plate of tomato salad and lime juice, settling down with her book as Sarah left the dishes on her table. It was drizzling beyond the shade but the wind was not too cold for her. Moreover, she didn’t feel like leaving Sarah till before August returned. She was looking extra ordinarily sad…. If only she could help….

***
"And then I was literally pulling my hair out! I was so so happy!"
The manager’s girl ranted on and on about her happiness as Alian tried to put on a humble smile. Trying to show he was nothing compared to her. Duh! Who wouldn’t be happy on their graduation? No it was Alian who didn’t want to be there at that time. He hadn’t touched the French fries that lay before him. After sometime, during which he hadn’t noticed there was a silence over the three of them, the manager spoke, "Is something wrong Alian?"
The girl, what was her name? Ah yes- Prudence, chimed in, "Yeah Ali, what’s eating you?"
You are what’s eating me. And its Alian not Ali.
Alian said politely in spite of the impoliteness that swelled in him, "Nothing much, I don’t have much of an appetite tonight. Had indigestion… Sir, if we could please hurry up."
He smiled apologetically as the manager nodded in the most understanding manner. He asked Prudence to wait for him in the waiting lounge and began, "I was wondering if you are having a mental frustration about your life… Because I consulted my wife and she said your symptoms are included in that category…"
Symptoms?
The manager continued, "According to her you just need a break from the ..uh monotonicity of your life. How many days would you require? Precisely?"
A balloon swelled inside him. He was actually being asked to take leave to relax! Yay! He remembered saying something like- I’ll call you up and give you the details. As of now I’d like to take a leave of a week… if possible. He recalled the manager nodding his head and himself running off toward his car. There were springs in his soles. He was feeling peaceful. It wasn’t what happiness felt like, more like satisfaction or something. All he knew was he was headed to a secluded place to play some blues on his guitar in the coziest possible place he could think of- beside the river.

***
Alian pulled on a sweatshirt and three- fourths, slinging his guitar over a shoulder he walked towards his car for the third time. He laid the guitar softly against the seat next to him and drove through the town. It took him twenty minutes to reach the river side. A few café’s lined the river side. One was not as empty as he desired, the other one, far away and much closer to the river was almost fully empty. Perfect he thought, heading toward the River Moon Café.

***
Destiny awaited him as Alian lifted the guitar and humming to himself stood outside the café. Fanaa sat engrossed in her book a few feet away from him. Her shoulder length hair rolled and blew gently with the wind. She sat in a world of her own, tense a minute, smiling and blushing the next. He stood there watching her. It was a strange feeling. She wasn’t in the true sense a beauty, but she was certainly very cute. A sharp nose a heart shaped face, soft light brown hair that looked like waves and… hazel eyes. He noticed that when she looked up, suddenly pulled out of a world because of his intrusion into her space. He regretted having interrupted the wonder before him….
"Aren’t you Alian?" her lips uttered a question he had heard too many times but for the first time they sounded so true, so innocent to him As if asking a long lost friend…
Alian tried to say something but he realized his voice had gone dry… he was silent for a bit too long. He opened his mouth twice, nothing came out. So he licked his lips gently and mumbled, "Mind if I join you?"
She couldn’t read his lips but understood his incoherence, "Forgive me please, I’m not blessed with the sense of hearing… could you repeat?"
He digested what she had said in that ringing low pitched voice of hers and followed her, "Mind if, I, join you?"
She shook her head, straightened her legs under the table and pulled her bag down from the table. She had been eating something, probably salad from the look of it.
He was still digesting- I’m not blessed with the sense of hearing could you please repeat?
She didn’t look it. She was so cheerful… in spite of not having music in her life. Her eyes were full of peace when he looked at her. In the mellow light of the bulb overhead he noticed her eyes looking at his lips. Oh! She could understand by reading lips. Was there any sympathy there… in his eyes? If so he wanted to hide it. She didn’t want it and he understood that. The gentle breeze blew across them. Carrying her scent to him. What was wrong with him. Why couldn’t he talk?
She said, "May I introduce myself?"

Her voice had a mischievous tone in it. Shit! He had stayed quiet too long. He nodded gulping down his stupidity.
"I’m Fanaa…. And you must be…."
"Alian." He finished for her. Her eyes. Her eyes. Her eyes.
He found his voice, ok only a part of it and said, "It’s a pleasure to meet you Fanaa… hope I’m not intruding…"
"Not at all…." In fact you are rather amusing close by… pretty nervous she thought.
Fanaa filled in the silence which was far from uncomfortable, "How come you are here, come to see the river side?"
"No…" before he could rein it, the truth rolled out, "I took a leave for a few days from my job…"
Fanaa frowned and prodded gently, "Your job as in your singing career?"
Alian nodded. He felt the glum settle over him. She was not like the others he met. She was different. Not fawning over him, giving him his space, allowing him to relax.
"Well… you see… from the past few months I’ve not really been living the way I want to. It’s like… it’s just that… I don’t know… I’m feeling low. Hey! Wanna listen to my guitar?"
The moment he said that, he regretted it. Shit how impolite.
Fanaa smiled at Alian’s bowed head. She was mature enough and too used to that kind of thing to feel hurt. "Hey Alian… if I can touch your guitar while you play it, I’ll be able to feel the music…"
Feel the music?
Anything to get the guilt off my dear.
Alian pulled the guitar out as Fanaa pulled her chair closer to his and settled next to him. It was so peaceful… so calm…
"Uh… Excuse me… what may I get you?" Sarah’s voice came over.
Alian looked at the waitress and waited for Fanaa to reply which she did, "Hi Sarah…this is Alian. Guess you already know that." Sarah nodded and tapped her pencil against the notepad, so Fanaa continued, "I’d like to have one of your fabulous jumbo burgers with extra sauce… Alian, what would you like?"
He mumbled softly, "Hello m’am, I’d also like the same."
It was the costliest thing on the menu and also the tastiest. Fanaa had probably earned herself a hug from Sarah.
Alian went back to tuning his guitar as Fanaa saw him pluck a few strings here and there. He was tuning it… ah! He took the platinum nimbly in his fingers and played softly. According to what his lips said, it was what every guitarist knew- country roads…. Alian continued playing but waited for her to ‘feel’ the music. He saw her lift a hand gingerly and place it on the guitar’s side. The vibrations inside the guitar alternated with the song on his lips. A few readers turned to look at them. He continued playing till the others started clapping. Fanaa showed no reaction. When she finally looked up, there were tears in her eyes. He looked around to see the others back to their work. Somewhere a plate fell but all he could see were the tears in her eyes. Unspilled, unheld. On the brim of flowing down but still in equilibrium at the tip of her eye lids. He raised an eyebrow and was about to ask her something… when he heard her whisper, "It… it was beautiful… it felt great. I felt so close to hearing it. Thank you."
Somewhere in his heart strings were plucking madly threatening to turn into palpitations. Was this what was called pure, untainted joy?
He watched her in awe as she felt the strings, plucked them but showed no reaction to the random tones she was gently creating. A tear fell off her cheek and over the guitar.
It was 7.45 pm. Would this evening continue?