Signs of a Controlling Relationship

Kathy had heard getting into a relationship would be the best things to happen to a person. She felt it would help her feel more complete about herself. However, as time passed, Kathy felt more depressed than ever. She felt she was losing her identity and doing things she really hated to otherwise. Kathy found herself being the object of verbal abuse and always trying various ways to keep her partner happy. Though she really loved him, Kathy sometimes resented meeting him. This was when she finally started thinking about breaking free from the relationship. Although she loved him dearly, Kathy resented being controlled and watched over every single moment. Well, what Kathy experienced was nothing more than a very possessive partner who wanted to control the relationship as per his ideologies in life. Needless to say, Kathy finally decided to follow her own dreams and did meet someone who honestly appreciated her in the true sense.

A controlling relationship is quite a common situation these days. When it comes to a couple, a controlling relationship is not really good news. A healthy relationship is all about having the right balance in life. A couple needs to work on the drawbacks and use the good points to make it work. There are times when the relationship looks really beautiful in the beginning. However, before one realizes it, sometimes, one of the partners starts dominating it to cause unhappiness to the other. In that case, there are various signs of a controlling relationship that can give you an idea about the kind of relation you share with your partner. Here are a few signs, which indicate a controlling relationship.

Signs of a Controlling Relationship:

Violent Temper:
First and foremost, a violent temper that makes you do things according to his/her will, are signs of a controlling relationship. Such a person will have a very frightening temper. This can be expressed with sudden bursts of temper over simple issues. This may even be followed by driving the car at a fast speed or throwing things around the house. Anger that reaches such levels is often a sign of showing ‘who’s the boss’ in the relationship. Although it may not be entirely directed towards you, it is better you keep a distance from such a person to avoid being his/her target in the future.

Lowering your confidence levels:
When a person wishes to have complete control in a relationship, he/she would make it a point to always insult you especially in public. Its strange people can actually carry out such an act and term it as ‘love’, but these are the signs you need to be aware of from the beginning itself. A person who wishes to have complete control of a relationship would always lower your confidence levels. Such people even have the audacity to tell you about being unattractive or criticize you for everything little thing. This would always have you conscious about everything for fear of going ‘against’ the wishes of your partner.

Complete control over your plans:
When was the last time you decided where you would go on a date? Did you even voice your opinion? If you are constantly doing things he/she ‘lovingly wants’ you to do…well, I think it’s time you think again about this relationship. When in a controlling relationship, he/she would want you to always agree with many things between you both as a couple. If you end up on the compromising side such wearing the kind of clothes he/she wants you to always or eating the kind of food, which only he/she is fond of, you sincerely have a problem on hand.

Constant flicker of emotions:
A person who wishes to be the controlling person in a relationship would be very lovable to you one day and insult you on the next day. You would always be at the receiving end of the verbal abuse. This ultimately results in you hoping for a change in your partner. Well, despite everything, this pattern continues ultimately resulting in a lowering of your self-confidence and your approach towards things. Apologies would surely follow, but the constant change of emotions would always continue.

You are always at fault:
This is what a person who wishes to have control would always do. While in a relationship, such a person would constantly blame you for everything. He/she would pick fights and blame you for ‘spoiling the mood’. He/she would tell you that you have spoilt a romantic evening just because of one sentence uttered from your mouth. You would be the one being blamed for a perfect evening being ruined; although it’s not really your fault. This would obviously leave you in a confused state of mind feeling scared about voicing your opinion. It would also leave you in complete control of your partner.

Jealousy and constant watch over your actions:
In the initial stages of a relationship, constant phone calls may seem cute, but when a person keeps tabs over every minute of your life, well, you do have a problem on hand! A person who loves to control the partner would keep calling to know why you shopped or who is it you are hanging out with at the coffee shop. Letting your partner know about your plans is a nice thought but giving explanations all the time is not so nice really. Besides, such a partner would be jealous when you catch up with your buddies.

You may be good, but not good enough:
When in a controlling relationship, your partner would always make you feel you are not really good enough for him/her. Even if you try to bake the best of cakes or take the person to an exotic place for a date, he/she would make it a point to say your efforts were really not good enough. Such a person would never be satisfied with any amount of effort from your side.

We all know love is blind, the question is when you have experienced something like this, would you really risk your happiness for the sake of love? Besides, there can never be pure love in such a controlling relationship; everything would be a very selfish attempt from your partner’s side. Are you prepared to lose your peace of mind and identity for such a person? These are some things, which only you can answer and decide for yourself. Whichever path you choose, remember you would definitely meet someone who loves and respects you. He/she may not be in sight right now, but you would surely find happiness if you look at things with a positive attitude!