Should I Get a Divorce

Sally and Mark got married when they were 20 years old, much against their parents wishes. Soon after their honeymoon, Sally realized that her marriage with Mark was not something that she had imagined. She found that Mark was irresponsible and did not care about helping her around the house. Moreover, she not only had to concentrate on her own studies, but sometimes also had to complete Mark's assignments. Though she found it difficult to live with Mark, she continued to do so because she knew that she loved him very deeply. However, after five years, when she was in college, she met Ronald who was the perfect picture of what she wanted in a husband. He was caring, hardworking, understanding and loved Sally a lot. Although Sally knew that she had a better future with Ronald, she felt guilty about leaving Mark and started questioning herself if she should continue with her marriage.

The story of Sally is not a unique one. Rather, there are many men and women who marry thinking that they have met the perfect partner, only to realize that they were wrong and their partner is not even a bit of what they had thought. However, though the only thing one thinks about is separation in such cases, divorce is surely not a decision that should be taken in haste. Margaret Atwood's quote, a divorce is like amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you, does explains the after effects of ending a marriage.

All married couples will understand that marriage is surely no cake walk. How much ever you love your spouse, you are sure to have some kind of differences with him/her while living together. This is inevitable and according to some people, necessary to make the marriage more stronger. This is because, to make the marriage work, it is important for couples to understand that it is extremely crucial to put aside their differences and work towards a single goal. However, when one realizes that the one's partner is cheating on him/her or is not ready to take up the responsibilities that marriage brings with it, divorce becomes an inevitable answer.

Nevertheless, divorce is not a solution of all marital problems. Here are some things that you have to consider before taking the final decision.

Is Divorce a Solution?

There are many people who think that they can use divorce as a tool to make their spouse do what they want. However, this does not happen, rather divorce can only break your family apart. Hence, people should understand that divorce should be the last resort, only after knowing that there are no chances of reconciliation. Here are some reasons which can lead to legal marriage separation.

Emotional Attachment
If you are considering a divorce seriously, the first thing that you need to ask yourself is whether you still love and care about your spouse. If the answer to this question is yes, you must reconsider your decision of divorce. This is because if you love your spouse, somewhere down the line, you may feel that you have made a mistake. Hence, even if you find that your spouse is cheating on you, it is important to give him/her a second chance. It is then up to your spouse to accept his/her mistake and promises to be faithful towards you in the future. Consulting a marriage counselor may help in saving your marriage from divorce.

Commitment Towards Each Other
As I said earlier, commitment is surely the most important factor that makes a marriage wok. However, the commitment should not be one sided i.e. if you realize that it is only you who have been making compromises and sacrifices in the marriage, then this is not correct. Such marriages will not last long as sometime or the other, you will feel frustrated and used. However, rather than filing divorce, talk to your partner about this directly. If he/she does not understand this and does not show any signs of change in behavior, then divorce may be the only way out.

Emotional Decision
Another very important thing that you have to consider is whether the decision of getting divorced is an emotional one. In other words, if you just blurted out that you want to get divorced to your partner during a major argument, then your decision may not be the right one. You must understand that decisions that are taken when one is emotionally overwhelmed can cause further problems. Divorce should be a result of true self awareness and only when you are sure that you will be able to handle the stress which accompanies divorce proceedings. More on avoiding divorce.

Apart from the above given factors, there are some more aspects that have to be considered while getting divorced. The most important among them is the child. One must understand that children are definitely most affected by the divorce of parents. However, this should not be the only reason for not getting divorced too. If children are constantly exposed to situations where parents are fighting and arguing with each other, this can hurt them more than divorce. So, whatever decision you make, you have to consider all the factors of your marriage carefully. However, if you are being physically, emotionally or mentally abused by your spouse, nothing should hamper you from getting a divorce from him/her. All the best!