SHERYL CROW, PORTRAIT of a P-E-R-F-O-R-A-T-E-D P-S-Y-C-H-O!

STANZA 1

"From mild-mannered school teacher to smokin' hot grammy award-winning vocalist."

"Where did it all go so terribly wrong?"

"SHERYL CROW, PORTRAIT OF A P-E-R-F-O-R-A-T-E-D P-S-Y-C-H-O!"

"Tear it off on the dotted line, honey!"

STANZA 2

"To Lance Armstrong bike ornament to break-up with Lance Armstrong roadkill."

"Where did it all go so terribly wrong?"

"SHERYL CROW, PORTRAIT OF A P-E-R-F-O-R-A-T-E-D P-S-Y-C-H-O!"

"Tear it off on the dotted line, honey!"

STANZA 3

"She seemed so sweet." (Evil Laugh.) "Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"She seemed so tame." (Evil Laugh.) "Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"Nobody knew that this chick was insane!" (Evil Laugh.) "Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"SHERYL CROW, PORTRAIT OF A P-E-R-F-O-R-A-T-E-D P-S-Y-C-H-O!"

"Tear it off on the dotted line, honey!"

STANZA 4

"Oh Sheryl, Sheryl, Sheryl, what the hell happened?"

"Oh Sheryl, when did it all go so terribly wrong?"

"Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! I know! I know! I know!"

"Well, according to most experts and Arnold Horshack, April 19, 2007 was the day when Sheryl Crow went totally P-e-r-f-o-r-a-t-e-d P-s-y-c-h-o on our ass!"

"April 19, 2007, a day that will live in infamy!"

"It is the day when Sheryl Crow uttered these words."

"I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit except of course on those pesky occasions where two or three squares could be required."

"Experts believe with these ill-fated words, Sheryl Crow sealed her fate as one of the biggest laughingstock's in history!"

"Case in point, this parody!"

"Anyhoo, back to the show!"

STANZA 5

"Sheryl Crow, a woman scorned, a woman out-of-control and a woman out of her damn mind if she thinks that i'm only using three squares of toilet paper when I gotta' take a dump!"

"This chick is c-r-a-z-y!"

"Sheryl, can kiss my 800 toilet paper square-wiped booty!"

"Anyhoo, back to the show!"

STANZA 6

"Frustrated, hurt and pissed off at the world for not limiting their toilet paper use to three squares per restroom visit, Sheryl Crow had had enough!"

"She reached her breaking point!"

"The chick finally snapped!"

"It was right then and there that Sheryl decided to get revenge the only way that she knew how."

"Sheryl decided to get revenge the "P-E-R-F-O-R-A-T-E-D" way!"

(Evil laugh.) "Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"Tear it off on the dotted line, honey!"

STANZA 7

"Sheryl, quickly gathered together what was left of the few fans that she had after that "limit toilet paper to three squares, B.S." and did the unthinkable!"

"That's right, Sheryl Crow convinced her fans to sneak into chocolate factories and carve three dotted lines into all of the chocolate candy bars so that they would be "P-E-R-F-O-R-A-T-E-D!"

(Evil Laugh.) "Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"I got you guys! I got you guys, good! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! That'll teach you, that'll teach you to mess with Sheryl Crow!"

"When probed by reporters about her bizarre revenge plot Sheryl said that she was inspired by some lyrics from the Alanis Morissette hit song, "You Oughta' Know."

"According to Sheryl, the minute that I heard the words, 'Every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back I hope you feel it! Well, can you feel it!' I knew what I had to do."

"Now everytime a person tears off a piece of chocolate on the dotted line, I want them to feel my toilet paper pain. I want them to feel it! I said I want the jerks to feel it! I hope they feel it!"

"Because I, Sheryl Crow, am here to remind you,
Of the mess you left when you used more than three squares of toilet paper a day!
It's not fair to make fun of me,
For the toilet paper conservation cross that I bear that you selfish jerks gave to me!
You, you, you guys oughta' know, BETTER!"

STANZA 8

"And that concludes our intimate portrait of Sheryl Crow, Portrait of a P-e-r-f-o-r-a-t-e-d P-s-y-c-h-o. Until next time, goodbye and I hope that you enjoyed the show."

(Evil laugh.) "Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"And don't forget to tear the toilet paper and the chocolate off on the dotted line, honey!"

DISCLAIMER:
Nothing in this parody should be taken seriously it is strictly for entertainment purposes only, plus I love Sheryl Crow!
Sheryl, i've got nothing but love for you baby!
But come on Sheryl, three squares of toilet paper max per restroom visit, get a life!

P.S. Don't forget to scroll down to the end of the page and vote in my poll and let me know how many squares of toilet paper you use per restroom visit.

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