She Will Be Loved

Chapter 1

I wish I were younger. You know when your parents could be fighting or making love and you would be playing with your toys. You were oblivous to things then. The older I got, the more I saw. It was a huge slap on the head. I don't mind my father leaving. He never did anything for me. I wish my mother could leave too. I am eighteen years old getting driven to high school by my mother who refuses to buy me a car. The thing about my mother is she is lonely. She depends on me. She uses random unwanted conversation to know me better. I usually just nod and smile.

Before you say I'm a horrible daughter take a look at what my mother has done. She has called me fat, stupid and awful. She even blames me for most of her problems but I still love her. Just one more year then I will be off to Maine to start my life as a college girl. I kissed my mother goodbye as I ran off into the school building. It was raining today. I wasn't trying to get wet today. As I walked to Life Science, room 409 I believe. I wish I had my mother's looks. She had bright short blond hair and beautiful almond brown eyes. I wish I had her sense of fashion and curvy body. She was a forty year old woman who looked like a twenty year old model. My dad gave up something really pretty. I wouldn't have been hurt if he gave me up. He wasn't a stud to die over.

"Watch where you're going stupid!" Some boy I bumped into knocked my books on the floor. I gave him the finger when he walked away and picked up my books.

I had a plain body, long really straight black hair and regular black eyes. One thing I did get from my mother was her pale smooth skin. Only it looked much better on her. I took a seat at the back of the class. I wasn't planning on paying attention. Mr. Priner had begun taking attendance when he first walked through the wooden door. He was dripping wet and pale looking just like me.

"Graham, how nice of you to join us." Mr. Priner gave late kids a hard time. This was going to be the last year with him and I think I will miss listening to him nag everyday.

Graham, I believe his name is, gazed at Mr. Priner from his long eyelashes and said, "The bus was late. I had to run."

"Too bad. Take a seat next to Leslie and stop disturbing my peace." Graham gave him a confused look as Mr. Priner pointed at me. "Leslie Roberts."

Graham made his way down the aisle of tables and chairs with a grimace for a smile. I don't blame him. Nobody ever likes to sit with me. His outfit somewhat matched something in my closet. Black sneakers, jeans and short sleeved rock band shirt with black hoodie thrown on. Only I was wearing a black shirt with black tights. He sat down next to me smelling like saltwater and body wash. He had brown hair that was really curly and all over his face. He barely looked at me. His skin looked cold but when my hand brushed his hand, it was really warm.

"Take a look at the person sitting next to you. That is going to be your partners for the rest of the year in my class. In front of you are plants with names. You are going to feed, raise and love them. Pretty simple, eh?"

Graham didn't look at me the way I looked at him. His lips were still in that grimace and his hand was crushing a pencil. Mr. Priner handed out the worksheet for our assignment. Graham slid the paper down to me without even taking his eyes off whatever he was staring at. In my eyes, he was sexy. I think that is the impression every girl got when they looked at him.

"Now, I want you all to discuss how you're going to carry out the assignment for this month. You can leave with your plant when the bell rings."

Mr. Priner wasn't old. He was one of those regular thirty year old men that had perverted dreams of high school girls. His hair was still on his head but I could still see the little bald patches. I felt his knee hit mine. Graham's knee was touching my knee. How the fire surged through me.

"It's just a stupid plant." He muttered signing his name on his worksheet. "We can take turns. You can have," he checked the label, "Spider tonight and I'll have it tomorrow night."

Why was he whispering to me? What, he didn't want his friends to know he was talking to me? I gazed out the rainy window feeling hurt. Again, I was being trapped into unwanted conversation.

"Leslie?" He tapped my shoulder. I looked into his eyes. They were blue. A bright blue that burned into my black eyes. I shivered as he broke our gaze. "I don't like it when people don't listen to me."

"Sorry. I agree with your idea." I bit my bottom lip which was already swollen from my constant nibbling.

"That's great. Hey, do you want to give me a tour around this hell hole?" He asked leaning back in his chair chewing on the same pencil he was crushing in his hands. My knee was still resting on his knee. He was new here?

"Maybe." I shrugged looking out the window again. We barely talked after that. Mr Priner continued with plant lesson.

When the bell rang, I followed him. It turns out we have History class together in Room 502. He led the way and I followed him with my head down. Something strange happened. He wasn't calling ugly or shoving my books to the floor.

"Do you mind me walking with you? I have no cool how to get around this building. Plus you are pretty, right?" He smiled at me. The grimace was finally gone.

"Maybe." I shrugged.

Our History teacher this year was Ms. Smith. I am not sure where she is from. She looks like she comes from a foreign land and her tops never seem to fit her. Her stomach is always hanging out, she smells like burnt coffee, she always uses her hands to talk and she is very mean to me. Plus, she is also the art teacher this year. Oh boy, I thought to myself, what a year this is going to be. Graham instantly took a seat with me. Our knees touched under the table again. Mrs. Smith was not going to start off with introductions or deal with late kids. She was determined when it came to her job. She was here to teach us not be our friends. I sometimes shivered in her class. It was always so cold but I felt warm, strangely. I was staring out the window like I usually did when she called on me.

"Leslie, do you think Jefferson made the right choice?"

"Maybe." I shrugged without stealing a glance at her. I felt Graham's eyes on me.

"That doesn't answer my question does it?" Everyone's eyes were on me. I knew instantly I hated Ms. Smith.

"Maybe." I replied again.

"Do you know any word other than that?" Mrs. Smith was so focused on me.

"Maybe." I said again. I didn't know what was wrong with me.

"What are stupid or something?!" Ms. Smith would have to get in line.

"Why don't you just leave her alone?!" Graham was angry. I realized it takes little to get him worked up. "Your job is to teach us not nag her. So teach!"

Ms. Smith had never been spoken to that way before. She slammed her book shut and gave us both detention and told us to go wait in the office. Again, my head bowed, I followed Graham out.

"Ugly teacher!" Graham kicked the lockers. "I hate this stupid school already. Plants with names, teachers would slappy attitudes and girls who look all the same. Can you believe that?"

He pulled out a cigarrette and I eyed it carefully as he smoked. I watched with intent eyes.

"Maybe," I wrapped my jacket around me as we stood outside. "Can I try?"

"Do you know any other word besides maybe?" He asked trying to figure me out. I looked at the school lawn that was covered in water from pouring rain.

"Ma-"

"Don't." He finished his cigarrette and slammed it out with the heel of his sneaker. "We better get back before they find out we are gone."

My mother met me in front of school building after school. She was talking on the phone to her co-worker, Lenny. I waved bye to Graham who was standing at the bus stop. My mother ended her call and looked at me.

"How was school today?" She pat my head and smiled. I felt like I was six than eighteen.

"I met Graham. Got a plant named Spider and got detention for Friday afternoon all in one day." I could have said.

"It was the same." I said instead.

"I have a date on Friday so I won't be home. Aunt Shelley is stopping by for the weekend." My mother smiled.

"What's his name?" I asked feeling uspet.

"It's a surprise!" My mother flipped her hair. "Just you wait. You'll love him."

I am not sure how Graham got my phone number but he did. I was doing my homework while listening to some rock band. I was shivering in my pajamas when my brother knocked on my door. Brett is only fifteen but he cares a lot about me. He handed me the phone with a big grin.

"It's a boy." He laid back on my lavender sheeted bed with a even big grin.

"Hello?" I breathed into the phone.

"Hey Leslie. I was bored." Graham sounded so happy over the phone. I guess cause he was home. I heard a guitar playing.

"What's that?" I whispered.

"Whatcha you guys talking about?" Brett was very nosy.

Brett is really short for a fifteen year old. He has black hair like mine but great almond brown eyes. He is like a replica of our mother. Brett took the divorce like it was something bound to happen. He wasn't shocked or sad. He still gets to see dad on the weekends. Some weekends I go with him when I feel like it.

"It's a guitar. Is that your brother?" He asked strumming more notes into the phone.

"His name is Brett. Very protective." I shoved Brett out my room and closed the door.

"I have a little sister named Gracie. I barely see her though." The guitar notes had stopped. "She lives with my dad."

We spoke on the phone for an hour or two. I had to go because I had dinner. My father was trying his hardest to make things normal by bringing his fiance, Blaire. I barely spoke. Brett had a lot to say. I zoned out some point until Blaire began speaking to me.

"You know, I have this nice pool. Maybe you can come over and teach me how to swim."

"Maybe." I nodded finishing my plate up.

Blaire is as young as me which scares me. Truth is, she is only thirty-one and she is the real reason my parents divorced. Brett likes her a lot because she is "cool". After dinner, I brushed my teeth and cuddled up with my stuff animal. I closed my eyes as Graham's beautiful eyes flew through my mind. And just as summer and fall had come, winter began.

I decided to take the city bus to school the next day. When Graham saw me sitting down, he was shocked. He took a seat next to me. He didn't talk figuring I would not answer his questions. Then he turned to meet my eyes.

"Do you want to skip school today?" He asked, his face bent to mine. He smelled like cigarettes and spicy vanilla body wash mixed with winter snow.

"Yes." I smiled.

We didn't get off the bus until the last stop. It stopped in front of the mall. We walked around and stare at the people who were there buried in bags from expensive stores. I felt parched and sick to my stomach. I didn't even know when Graham got us both a cherry Ice drink. It went down my throat with such calmness. The feeling was so familiar.

"So what's the deal?" He asked drinking his in fast slurps. "Everyone has their own rumors about you. You use to be popular girl with the rocking hot boyfriend. Now, you are just like me. A nobody. A mysterious nobody."

"My parents got divorced. I guess those things can kill you." I licked my lips. They must be red.

"My parents were never married. They had me and Gracie but never really felt the marriage in them." He told me. His lips were red making me thinking of a vampire. Not the modern-day ones but the ones that can't go out in the sun and drink human blood while killing people. "My mom bathed Gracie in a very hot bath burning her. She is okay but the court suggested it was best for Gracie to live with my father. I stayed with my mom because I don't have to worry about being bossed around too much."

"My dad is weird. I don't like being around him. My mom always forces me into unwanted conversations. I can't chose sides." I shrugged feeling full of cherry ice.

"That's sad. Your brother Brett seems nice. Wouldn't stop talking about how I was the first boy to call since-"

"Since Ricky." I shivered. "Everyone worries too much about me."

It felt weird drinking a cold Ice in the winter time but I love it. I felt quite unique.

"Why did you and Ricky break up?" We sat down in front of the Famous Shoes store. He handed me a napkin for my running nose.

"I rather not talk about it." I blew my nose and threw the napkin in the trash.

"Fine. You will when you are ready. I had a girlfriend named Stacey." He handed me a cookie as he ate one himself.

"Why did she break up with you?" I asked nibbling on the cookie.

"I broke up with her." He corrected. "For her own good. She was driving me to the point I would have hit her."

"Oh, why?" I took my first big chunk out of the cookie. He was going to make me fat treating me so nicely.

"She was cheating on me with some boy. I wasn't sad or upset just outraged." He handed me another cookie.

"Are you trying to fatten me up?" I asked declining the cookie.

"Yes because you have dark circles under your eyes and your thighs are the size of two sticks." He observed poking my legs.

"I wasn't always this way. I just lost a few pounds over the summer." I took the cookie now. It was warm and sweet.

"A few pounds is just lying to yourself." He sat back on the bench.

"You're new to our school. How do you know so much about me?" I asked looking at him. There was two cherry Ice filled cups and a plastic bag of cookies in between us now.

"I have my connections. Plus, what's her name...." He scratched his head trying to remember Brenda Scott's name. How could he forget Brenda's name?! Every boy made it an honorable mention if Brenda even talked to them. "Brenda is her name. Yeah her. She said I shouldn't talk to you so here I am talking to you. She said a lot of nasty things about you too. Trying to make me cringe but nothing worked."

"Nasty things like what?" If anyone was doing anything nasty was her! Leaving me at that stupid party. Didn't she know what happened to me?

"You know my memory doesn't survive me right today." He shrugged. "Besides, I rather worry about the new you and not the old you."

True enough. I ate another cookie. I don't know how long we sat there staring at people who were buying shoes. Mostly winter boots. It is going to be a long winter. I look at my brown winter boots. They cover my faded blue jeans at the bottom and little bit up. Graham didn't wear boots at all. He wore his regular sneakers to and from places mostly. He never really did have to tell me anything about him. I was really good at observing boys better now than I did back then. I am not naive anymore. My eyes travel to his black jeans that he likes so much. I can tell because he wore them on the first day of school. He doesn't wear a winter coat. Just a light jacket with a scarf and a hat. The cold doesn't bother him as he walked to school in the rain and snow without a coat. Maybe it has to do something with his skin.

"What's up with your blood?" I asked touching his hand softly feeling his warmth.

"If you mean why I am so warm, it's you. And if you wonder why I don't dress like it's winter because I don't feel it." He got up with starled me. "Come on, time to move on."

We tossed our little snacks in the trash and moved on. We weren't those type of teenagers that came to the mall to act mad and cut school. Everyone threw us suspicious glances but I only tried to smile. Graham, he acts like he feels nothing. I hate when people stare at me.

"I know you do." He whispered as we walked outside.

"Where are we going?"

"Home." He smirked as we headed back on the bus. I saw a few kids from our school which meant school was about done.

"Do we have to?" I asked feeling how my mother would be pissed when she came for no child in front of the school building.

"I would say come over to my place and sleep with me with your pretty self and then kick you out when I am done with you but I am not that type of guy am I?" He joked but my stomach turned cold.

I felt like throwing up all that cherry and cookie in my stomach. I leaned my head against the window and counted slowly as the coldness disappeared. After we reached the stop just before my house I reached up to leave and ran. He tried to stop me but he couldn't. I ran and slammed the door in his face. I threw up in the toilet feeling worthless. I could never keep anything good down. It always came back up.

"Leslie, was that him? What did he do to you?" Brett was banging on the bathroom door.

"Go away!" I screamed at him washing my face.

"Fine! Be that way!" He stomped off to his room slamming the door shut. I did the same when I ran down the hall.

I laid across my bed feeling the sickness go away. So much for trying to fatten me up.