She Will Be Loved - Chapter 9

Chapter 9

While we enjoyed winter and spring, we were looking forward to summer. I wouldn't call the first day of June summer but it's a start. The sun shines bright as it prepares itself to enter the summer solstice in twenty more days. But I am more than happy today. I smell like strawberry banana shampoo and vanilla mint tea conditioner. I usually wear my hair down but today, everyone gets to see my face. It's a different me. I am ready to face the world. I wear my favorite blue shorts and my favorite black and white tank top. How can I not be prepared for such a hot sun? Brett was already holding his skateboard.

"Come on! Can we meet Spinner by the skate park?!" He was so hyper today.

"Sure." I grabbed Trey's leash. "Come on boy!"

Trey was getting to be a big dog now but he was still my little puppy. We walked together to the skate park. I felt my skin was a little too exposed but this was my new start. Graham was sliding his skateboard softly with his foot across the pavement. I sat next to him. He looked at me and smiled.

"You're not helping." He whispered in my ear.

"Oh well." I sat in his lap.

"Not cool, Leslie." He kissed my neck. "You smell so good." He breathed in my scent making me shiver.

"You seem to be enjoying yourself." I blushed, running my hands through his hair.

"Hey lovebirds! Catch!" Spinner threw a huge water balloon at us. It soaked us as it hit against Graham's chest. I laughed.

"You are going to pay!" Graham grabbed a water balloon from Brett. I followed his lead and giggled.

We chased each other down the streets. Little children ran out to join us. They were happy and I was too. Graham wrapped his arms around my waist.

"You're special to me." He whispered in my ear. "And very pretty. Please don't ever forget that."

Brett likes a girl. I can tell from by the way he has been dressing and he has been taking extra money with him whenever he goes out. Spinner won't tell me so I try to pester it out of him.

"I'll make you ice pops the entire summer." I knew he couldn't resist that offering.

"And every time you come to see us in Washington D.C.!" Spinner added hugging me.

"Sure." I smiled and hugged him back. We grabbed our trays and headed to the table. I wish school could be over.

"Her name is Alice. She is sixteen. She has brown hair and these wide glassy green eyes. She mostly keeps to herself. She doesn't like your brother but he likes girls that play hard to get."

"Oh Spinner!" I giggled. "That does not sound like my brother at all."

"Okay, it's the other way round. He keeps to himself and he doesn't like her. She likes boys who plays hard to get."

"What is so wrong with her?" I asked, biting on my bottom lip.

"She is flat chested, duh!" Spinner ducked under the table before I could hit him.

"Hey, it's the truth!" Tim laughed. "Boys don't like flat chested girls."

That makes me sad because I barely have anything. I keep my eyes fixed to my food.

"Thanks a lot, Tim and Spinner." Graham sighed. "Now you got me into trouble."

I bit my lips trying to hold back my laugh. Graham is so full of himself sometimes.

Graham's wanting is so tempting, I hate the fact he refuses to give me more of those tongue kisses. Am I so needy for it? It's that me again. Lusting for him more and more each day. Especially since it is almost summer time and the hot sun makes me ache more. Even when he's not here. It's a weird sensation, that I'm not use to. So, tonight I am going to take charge. Even though, we're studying for our final test on our baby plant, which died a week ago. Don't let my teacher know that though. He might just fail us both all together!

I know I can reel him in because I am really smart at this. I just have to be tempting. But how?

"You are not very good at hiding what you are thinking about. And you won't get it out of me." He didn't even lift his eyes off the textbook.

"What!" I lean back on my bed. He towered over me.

"You want to seduce me but it won't work. I, on the other hand, can control my wanting. Unlike you who can not."

"But why don't you want to?" I frowned up at him.

"There should be a smile on that pretty face of yours. I barely even get to see it with all this black mess on your head." He ruffled my head and leaned to kiss me. I rolled away.

"If you kiss me, you have to give me more than kissing." I demanded.

"No way!" He shook his head and looked away from me. "I am not going to-"

"What you are so afraid of?! That I'll scream? That I'll cry?" I bury myself under my bed sheets. "It was one night. I was stupid, drunk and naive. Just like all those girls back then, but I am different. And I am not just giving it to you like it's a birthday present. So, you can go home and when you feel that you don't have to be the bossy one or the one that makes the decisions because you still believe that I am stupid, drunk and naive, I'll be waiting."

My words were particularly harsh. I thought I heard my bedroom slam shut but it was the sheets that began to move.

"I made a promise to you. To never leave you. This is me, not breaking it. If I leave, I know you will feel I left forever. But the day that I will leave forever will never come." He kissed me ever so softly. "So, you are gonna bear with me and stop being so pushy just because you know now. I don't like pushy girls. And I don't like the pushy you. It's not my Leslie that I am hearing or seeing right now. What's happening to you?"

Is it a crime to want to be loved for once?

"What was it like?" He asked, pushing my hair out of my face. "Knowing that burden..."

The burden he speaks of is my father. How he was never home. How he never appreciated my drawings or my sweet cupcakes. How he would come home and eat dinner in front of the tv.

"Daddy! Look at this!" I showed him my picture of our family. One of his friends shoved me out the way.

"Can't you see the men here are trying to watch tv!" His face wasn't gentle.

"Leslie..." Graham's voice came into my thoughts.

"He was wicked. Even at six years old, I knew. I had become naive because of Brenda's addiction." I traced the mountain bed sheets.

"Addiction?"

"To boys. She loves their touches and their body parts." I coughed lightly. I can hear the rain hitting my window pane loudly. "I use to replace that need for a while. Just by holding her hand and tell her she was loved by me. But she never returned the favor."

"I guess that explains a lot." He nodded and then looked up like he remembered something. "And who was wicked?"

"Her father. He had brought my father into that lifestyle of leaving home behind. His wife and kids were his last priority. He met friends on the job, and introduced them to that lifestyle as well. Brenda hated her father. I can't say I feel the same way about mine."

"What are we going to do?" He sat up now. "I am nervous, you are not. Your story never seems to end. You tell it in pieces each day. I am confused, you are not."

"It's better if you just give in sometimes. I won't turn into another Brenda." I joked, he did not find that funny.

"Ugh, can't I sleep on it first?" He looked very uncomfortable.

"If I didn't love you so much, I would say no." I crawled into his lap and listened to his heartbeat. "I am nervous and I am confused."

"I love you." And that's all it takes. We can't help it. We are going to complete this because we need to.

"I love you too." I moaned as his kisses went crazier and all over my body.

The next morning, I felt loved and great. Is this what it feels like to be made love to? To wake up to a light sun shining through the shades. The bed sheets all over the place and the one that you love right next to you. Naked. Carefree. I just want him again as I comb my fingers through his hair. He moans and turns to hold me again. And I already know what he wants. He isn't nervous anymore. Neither am I, but then again, I never was.

The day has been set. Blaire becomes my stepmother on June 20th. Nobody is thrilled expect for Blaire, my dad and Ricky.

He attacked me today. When I was fixing my locker. He stood behind me and traced my hip bone. Graham was right down the hall with his friends. Why can't he come save me now?

"You know, my stupid mother is so happy. She talks so much about your dad. I kinda like your dad. But I am more happy that you will my stepsister. The one I get dirty with on the holidays." He pressed against me. The tears start to fall.

"Why did you..."

"Because I loved you and you were not listening to me. I had to get it some way or another, right?" He ran his hands through my hair. "I loved your body and it's smell when I touched you. It was amazing because you wanted it. You wanted me to touch you. Like I am right now..."

His hand traveled under my shirt. If I hit him, he would tell Blaire. My dad would not be happy. I couldn't stop him but I wanted Graham to look up. I wanted him to save me.

"Please stop it..." I begged, shoving his hand off as it got too close.

I didn't bother closing my locker as I ran away. Right then, I knew Graham looked up. It's too late, you fool!

When I was safe and curled up in my bed, I didn't have to think about his ugly breath or his dirty hands roaming my body. My bed smells like Graham. I swallow myself into his scent. Why haven't I washed these dirty sheets, yet? Am I obsessed with him because I love him or because I want to feel something?

"You know, I could get into a lot trouble for this but after what we did last night I can not let you run away from me." Graham pushed his way under the sheets with me. "Is it a remainder? Was it that enjoyable? Don't you realized that we were late because of you this morning?"

"Who told you to give in." I laughed, tracing his pale ears with my fingers.

"Did you leave just so you could hold me again and confess how much you love me or did something happened?" He stroked my cheek up and down with two fingers. I blushed.

"You'll get very angry. You'll round up all your friends to beat him up. Then you and your friends will go to jail and..."

"I didn't want to come to you. I thought he was tormenting you and that you would hurt him. But he lingered and his hands weren't visible. What did he do to you, Leslie?"

"You'll get-"

"I am getting angry with you right now. I am beginning-"

"He touched me. Happy, now? You have made me feel so much better now. He touched me. Stuffed his hands all over my body like it was normal. And I needed you but you did not come. You're a jerk."

"I am sorry." He pulled me into tight hug like he usually does. His hugs are his only way of showing his apologies are sincere. "And I am not a jerk, Leslie. Don't say that about me."

"I told you have a bad temper with me. I won't be surprise if one day you'll strike me and-"

"Heck no!" He laughed. "I would never hit you. I would never want to see this beautiful face of yours bruised by the touch of me or anyone."

What is with love? How do we find love? Is it the kisses or the fact that another person can feel so strongly about you that it hurts? He claims you as his one and only. He would never look at another girl. But some boys are not as sincere as Graham. He can make you cry, laugh and angry but in the end, he will give you that tight hug. The one that makes you feel warm and whole. What is with love? How do we find love? Love is something I will never truly understand but I do understand if you lose this love, you go to bed with a broken heart. I don't know how we find love. I don't know what about me on the first day of school as seniors in high school that made him love me. If it was my gray cloud, I give you one big happy thank you. But I love Graham. Even his annoying buddies and their rude comments about girls.