She Will Be Loved - Chapter 8

Michi- Haha, that's the point. =)

Ayla- Oh hi! I am not!

Hay-You usually predict right on this things but nope this time.

Ant- So here it is!

Joy- That's the point!! =D

Zy- You're silly. Should I be offended cause I am guy and you were like, at the end of your comment, "MEN!"?? When I read the comment the first time, I didn't see the error until I looked at your second comment lol.

Andrea- Ah, welcome to my domain!

Bailey- Ha! This is only the beginning. You know me. I can't help but add twists!

Jalisa- I love your comment. Well here you go. I wrote you more!

Movie Spoiler- I read the book four times. The movie sucked. Nothing like the book. My girlfriend left right at the middle. lol. You didn't spoil anything for me. Alice Sebold actually inspired me to write love stories on here. After I read her book.
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-Chapter 8-

The news is depressing. They tell you about missing girls and boys. Murders and deaths. It's sad. Why do people watch the news if all it cause is terrible sadness? This same thought applies to my relationship with Graham. It's depressing because I feel like a burden. Something damaged that you can't replace. It's sad. Something is missing. A part of me dead. Even though, he never fully states those words, I can feel it. He lingers and holds back his wanting. I know he has a wanting for something major. That's why he left. I wonder what his wanting is. Is it something major or nothing crazy at all? He won't tell me just yet. But I will wait like he did for me. I won't hit with him with questions and give him my wondering looks. I am going to keep things in place.

When he lies next to me rubbing my cheek, I love to massage his hair. This moment is what I like to call my lusting time. My yearning to touch him. I don't know how to touch him. I don't like that part of me. The part of me that wants more but can't have it. I am afraid I'll cry or fight him. But I know it won't be like that with Graham. He would be so cute...No, those thoughts are vile.

"I can tell when you're thinking." He stared into my eyes. His eyes the best. I think they're blue. Some days they look green. I never know. Or is it a golden brown?

"What do you want the most in the entire world?" I whispered, biting my bottom in fright.

He turned away from me. Was he going to tell me?

"You don't want to know." His feet played with mine. It made me giggle. "It's very unpleasant. Something I rather not tell you."

"I think I have an idea of what you want." My hands traced his chest and his belly button. I don't think I have seen him shirtless yet. I bet he has a long trail of hair going all the way down...

"You do not." He laughed, shivering. "Your hand is cold."

I am still thinking about that trail of hair. He pushed my hand away but I just put it back.

"You're mean."

"I know I am." I stuffed my hands under his shirt.

"If you get touchies, I get touchies too." He traced my belly button and moved his hands up and tickled me. I laughed.

"How did I not see that coming?!" I laughed really hard. I felt hot and red. "Stop it!"

"No way. This is payback for-"

"Not giving you want?" I asked and he stopped tickling me.

"You don't have to because of me, Leslie." He whispered. He was pulling away again. I hated when he pulled away. "I don't want you to feel that you have to give me that because I am your boyfriend."

"Is that why you always leave me? Is that why whenever you touch me, you want to leave? Just because I was raped doesn't mean-"

"Don't say that!" He sighed. "Please don't? I don't like to hear it. How could she do that to you?"

"She wants my dad. If I get in the way, she won't have him. I told my mom but I didn't tell her about Blaire. Brett knows but I think he fears." I shivered. "Somedays, I think she stands in front of my door like she wants me dead."

"Don't say that." He bit his bottom lip. "My mom tried to kill Gracie."

"Why?"

"She was depressed. I was never coming home and Gracie was always smiling. She envied her. I don't hate my mother for trying to kill my little sister. I just don't like her choices."

"So, are we going to be some depressed couple? The girlfriend that was raped and the boyfriend who has a life all messed up with an ex-girlfriend still in the picture with a bad temper?" I laughed.

"Hey! I don't have bad temper!" He shoved me a little and laughed. "But we aren't going to be depressed forever. That's what we have each other for."

"True." I nodded. "Promise to never leave me?"

"I am going away to college remember? I am going to have to-"

"You said we have each other. So it's a forever bond. Do you promise not to leave me?"

"I promise." He kissed me, briefly.

"You called that a kiss?" I reached for his face. He pulled away and laughed.

"That's all you're getting for months." He joked.

"You wouldn't survive. Especially with your wanting."

"Don't remember me." He rolled his eyes and pulled me closer.

I was using the bathroom during fifth period just before lunch, when I ran into Brenda. She had no friends with her. She looked under all the stalls and pulled me into one. I was scared. I thought she was going to kill me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, pinning me against the toilet.

"You're hurting me." I said, weakly.

"I am your friend and you didn't even bother to tell me!"

"Correction, you were my friend." I struggled under her grip. "What are you talking about?"

"That Ricky is Blaire's son. If your dad and Blaire get married, Ricky becomes your brother. You guys dated and had sex. That would be weird. Plus you cheated on him-"

"I didn't cheat on him. I didn't do anything with him." I shoved her away. "You're crazy."

Graham was waiting for me at the end of the hall. He's going to get the wrong idea when he sees the bruises Brenda left on my wrists. Ugh, I hate her now.

My mother has been treating me nice. I can't believe I confused her for Ricky. All those words I thought she said was just my mind playing games on me. She actually opened her eyes and dumped Mike. I knew she wanted to do right by me even though I didn't tell her the whole story. I am enjoying the triple chocolaty chocolate fudge banana with whip cream pancakes. They are so going to make me fat but I don't mind. At least I am happy. I feel loved. Graham sometimes sits in on our breakfasts with Gracie. My mom likes Gracie. She loves braiding her hair and dressing her up. I don't think Graham's father minds either. Now he has someone to take of Gracie properly while he is at work. Brett loves this too. It's better than Blaire's home cooked meals. Graham's dad and his girlfriend are coming for dinner which excites me because I get to be in the decision making if this girl is the one for Graham's dad. Graham is not as excited as me but he's happy. I can tell since he holds my hand even though he wants more than just holding my hand. Little does he know how much I want.

"What are you guys doing here?" My mother sounded appalled as she answered the door. I looked up.

"We haven't seen the kids in weeks! We're just dropping by for some family time." My father boasted as he welcomed himself in.

"Restrain yourself from going crazy." I laughed in Graham's ear.

"I'll try." He joked, rolling his eyes.

"I brought some potato salad and roasted turkey with a honey glaze." Blaire was always a perfectionist. I wonder if anyone knows that she smokes when she cooks. That sometimes cigarrette droppings fall into the salad and she just spoons it out like it's natural. Her meals only taste good because they are gross and people are extremely polite.

"I don't want you here." I wanted to leave. I thought it was me that said it but it was Brett.

"What?" Everyone turned to look at him.

"I said, I want you and Blaire to leave. I don't want you here. I don't want your stupid turkey or your potato salad mixed with cigarette butts." Brett marched upstairs.

"Don't listen to him..."

I found myself going upstairs to comfort my brother. Graham followed me not knowing what else to do. Dinner was awful. Everyone kept to themselves. Conversation was barely made.

"When are we going to do your wanting?" I asked, leaning against a bookself in the school library. I never took Graham for a book person.

"Never." He whispered, lightly kissing me.

"But you want to-"

His hand covered my mouth. "I know what I want to do. You don't have to confess it to the whole world."

"Sorry." I mumbled, laughing at his sudden shyness. "What is there to be so ashamed of? Is it because I was-"

"Stop it!" He hissed. "Just stop it."

"Fine. And you say you don't have a bad temper." I pat him on his head. "But until you want to do something about that wanting, you are on your own, buddy."

"Hey Leslie, you know I can't do that!" I ran down the hall. He chased me.

I am happy. I know we will have a great summer together. Just a few more days until June 1st. I am so excited.

"Catch me if you can!" I giggled slipping into the girls' bathroom.

June 1st, please come soon. Green tall grass and the sun.