Seven Golden Rules for Overcoming Sex Addiction

Common sense rules for overcoming sex addiction from someone who has been through it.


Failure or success in overcoming sex addiction depends on one question: "Are you approaching your problem correctly?"

The heartbreaking fact is that most people who fail at overcoming sex addiction could have succeeded if they had been properly guided. For instance, most people haven't even been told the first golden rule for overcoming any addiction.

The first golden rule: There are two components to successfully overcoming any addiction. One is motivation - why you're trying to stop. The other is method - how you're trying to stop.

Turn past failures into success


If your motivation or your method is flawed, you will most likely fail. Because sexual addiction is the most complex and most personal addiction one can develop, if your motivation or method is flawed, failure is just about certain.

The next golden rule: You can learn from your mistakes.

And another golden rule: Quick fixes take longer.

If you've tried and failed, don't give up. You can overcome your addiction. First, inspect your motivation. The most difficult problems are usually in the motivational area.

Then, take a good close look at your method. Here's an example of one of the many mistakes associated with method: It's the belief that "If you really want to overcome your addiction, just do it."

The most common form of sexual addiction is masturbation with pornography. The sexually addicted person uses it the same way an alcoholic uses booze. When he's tired, lonely, bored, angry, depressed, whatever, he uses his addiction to alter his mood. Ask him why he did it; he'll tell you, "I just felt like doing it."

In the addicted person's mind, "just do it" means "Don't think. Just do it. Just get your quick fix." When he applies "Just do it" to stopping addiction he learns the hard way that there is no quick fix to addiction.

Ironically, "Just do it" wastes time. Addicted people lose years trying to "Just do it" until they realize there is no quick fix. Had they approached their addiction correctly, they could have overcome it in less time than they wasted on trying for the quick fix.

The Reward of Loving Sex


Another golden rule: Every addiction is unique.

For instance, 12-step programs fail at helping people overcome sex addiction because all 12-step programs are a carbon copy of the original Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step approach. Sex addiction is not alcoholism.

One trait that makes sexual addiction unique is that it stems from two separate causes. One cause is using sex as a crutch to escape reality. The other is trying to escape the demands and difficulties of intimacy.

Since sex addiction is used as a crutch to escape reality, here's another mistake to be aware of: turning your problem over to a Higher Power. Like it or not, the problem is yours. Don't try to use a Higher Power as your substitute crutch. As I tell all my devout clients, "God helps those who help themselves."

This brings us to the next golden rule: "Don't expect anyone to overcome your addiction for you. It's up to you."

Here's a motivational golden rule regarding intimacy: "Overcoming sex addiction correctly will bring you the most joyous intimacy you have ever experienced." It's a fact that I have been proving to my clients for decades. The best sex is genuine, loving sex. Addictive sex is not loving.

Be wise

Now let me give you a golden rule that can save you years of grief: Find a good counselor.

A good counselor is a good mirror. He mirrors you back to yourself. Then he mirrors reality back to you. A good counselor is a guide, not a boss. He doesn't tell you what to do. He helps you arrive at your own decisions. A good counselor is not a cheerleader. He doesn't support everything you do. He tells you when he thinks you're mistaken. A good counselor is not an adversary. He doesn't fight with you for the sake of fighting with you. He is impartial. His purpose is to help you achieve the best life possible.

I don't doubt that you might be able to overcome sexual addiction on your own. I overcame my own sex addiction in 1982 without the help of a counselor. If I had been able to get help, I could have overcome it at least 10 years earlier. Save yourself a decade. Get competent help. On my website is a guide on how to find a good counselor.

Author
For more information on how to overcome sex addiction correctly, visit Joe Zychik's site, SexualControl.com

He overcame sex addiction in 1982. Since 1983 he has been helping others break free of sexual addictions, including masturbation addiction, pornography addiction, infidelity and promiscuity.

Joe Zychik is the author of "The Most Personal Addiction, How I overcame sex addiction and how anyone can."


By Joe Zychik
Published: 6/19/2007
 
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