Self-Esteem: It's All About Me!

Self-esteem is one of the few things in life over which you have complete control. Others may influence your view of yourself, but you ultimately decide whether you are good/bad, competent/incompetent, attractive/homely. And as a bonus, you also get to decide the amount of influence others will have on you.

Actively developing healthy self-esteem or self-image is empowering. It is also the first major step in achieving greater success and happiness in the future. So make the most of the control you have.

Personal value, confidence and achievement are all crucial elements of self-esteem. The following sections provide an overview of these elements. Read though the information in terms of your current situation. Then create a customized plan for increasing your self-esteem.

PERSONAL VALUE and Self-esteem

My value as a human being is no different than the value of any other person. We all share the same basic rights. I deserve to be heard and participate in decisions that involve me. I will not deliberately do anything to demean or degrade myself.

Self-respect: Every human being is entitled to a basic level of respect. Every person has a right to exist and no one deserves to be abused. This fundamental belief is crucial to building personal value through self-respect. It also helps to establish appropriate boundaries within relationships.

Increasing self-respect can also increase the respect shown by others because it is the individual who sets the standards for how he or she wants to be treated.

Individuality: Beliefs, hopes, dreams, skills, likes and dislikes help define an individual. And taking ownership of these things not only builds personal value, but helps to create a sense of purpose.

Ironically, individuality is also an essential element in determining the strength of relationships. Positive relationships - child, parent, friend, co-worker, partner, spouse – can increase feelings of personal worth. Within every relationship, however, individuality is as important as commitment.

Without individuality, one person may become lost in the relationship or worse yet, be defined or controlled by the other person.

Beliefs and Character: Personal beliefs and character are also controlled by the individual. Outside information can certainly be used to form them, but the individual makes the final decision as to what his or her beliefs and character will be. List your current beliefs and values. Then decide what values should be developed.

In general, people are attracted to others with similar beliefs and character traits. So it is worthwhile to develop the beliefs and character that encourage positive relationships.

CONFIDENCE and Self-esteem

I have the power and ability to change myself and improve my future. I can be successful regardless of the actions of others. I do not believe success is based solely on luck.

Self-control: As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." In reality, any emotion can be substituted for "inferior." Individuals give up control when they let others push their buttons. Others may influence actions, reactions and emotions, but individuals decide what they do or feel in a given situation.

Exercising some control over emotions can be a powerful experience. What a great way to build self-confidence! This does not mean that individuals never get mad or feel bad. It simply means that putting some thought into the emotion, rather than just blindly giving in to it, will usually result in a better outcome.

Attitude: Staying positive may not be easy, but it is worth the effort. The outcome of situations, events or challenges is often determined by the attitude of those involved. Those who believe they can overcome obstacles usually do. And those who believe they will fail often don’t even try. Each is an individual choice. Attitude may not guarantee a particular outcome, but it can definitely influence the outcome.

No one is positive all the time. Negative thoughts and feelings from time to time are natural. It is the reaction to this negativity that makes the difference. A generally positive person will see negativity as temporary - an obstacle to be overcome with a positive "payoff" in the end. A generally negative person will see negativity as a reinforcement of their belief that life is basically bad.

Outward Appearance: Dressing appropriate to the situation can build confidence and increase chances for success. Not only does it affect individual self-image, it affects interaction with others. Little things that are done to build self-image can also result in more positive relationships and experiences.

Clean, neat and appropriate should be primary concerns when choosing what clothes to wear. Dress for the situation: Do not overdress or underdress; try to stand out, not stick out. An appropriate level of friendliness should also be determined. A simple smile can show openness and a positive attitude.

ACHIEVEMENT and Self-esteem

I know that just saying "I’m great" is not enough. I actually have to do something. And no matter how small, each accomplishment will build my confidence and motivate me to do more.

Goals: Setting goals will provide direction and increase a sense of purpose by giving new meaning to everyday tasks. Effort, however, will be needed to actually accomplish the goal. Without persistence and determination, a goal becomes nothing more than a daydream.

Establish long-term, intermediate and short-term goals and determine the priority of tasks based on how they fit into these goals. Then allow for the inevitable mistakes and setbacks – big and small. Learn from them, adjust the goal, if necessary, and move on.

Finally, be flexible. Since no plan is perfect, reassess and refine your goals from time to time.

Organization: Save time, energy and money by creating a system that keeps important items close and eliminates outdated or unusable items. Taking some control over your environment will make accomplishing tasks easier.

Problem-solving: Work through challenges as soon as possible. Delay can make problems worse. Develop options based on available information. Look at each option in terms of consequences, good and bad. Choose the option in which the benefit far exceeds the risk.

Self-esteem is truly "All about you." Yes, there are a great number of things in your life beyond your control. But try exercising the control you have over your beliefs, thoughts, actions, reactions, emotions, dreams, goals, appearance and attitude. You just might find that you have greatly increased your chances for personal success and happiness.

Skill Power LLC
Life Skills Development Resources.