Romance and The Marriage Bailout Plan

Where I live, many people are afraid of losing their jobs as well-known companies are going out of business. Many of my girlfriends tell me their husbands’ stress levels are at an all-time high as they worry about job security and stability for their families.

Many friends have become expert coupon-clippers in an attempt to stretch their budget further. Others are cutting back on things like music lessons or sports for their kids because they feel a need to get back to basics and cut out anything that is non-essential. Wives are cutting out extras such as exercise classes, salon services, lunches out and luxury car washes. So in the spirit of "cutting out" and "tightening up", what do we do about our marriages?

Do we cut out our date nights to save some money?
Do we put our romancing on a strict budget?

A friend recently called me to say that her husband had been laid off. He had worked for the same company for 16 years, so looking for a new job was a scary and humbling experience for him. She complained that he was now around more during the day, even though he was getting as many interviews as he could. This was hard for her because he always seemed needy, wanted to be reassured all the time and didn’t feel confident. hmm! Do you want to know how I responded? "DUH!"

I explained, (with my most polite voice), that for sixteen years her husband had supported her and their children with that job, and had provided them a home and many opportunities. Now that he was in transition between jobs, it was hard for him to feel like her hero. Men don’t feel confident and capable unless they are taking care of things, so it was time for her to step up to the plate and give him some accolades.

We talked about how she could INCREASE the romance in their marriage during this critical and stressful time. At first, her attitude let me know that she didn’t intend to do anything for him, because she expected him to "be a man" and fix the situation. When she finally understood that she could help him to "feel like a man" so that he COULD fix the situation, then her attitude changed. Wives have so much power! When we invest a few moments of attention, our husbands feel validated. When we notice and show appreciation by thanking them, they feel fulfilled. When we admire them for their accomplishments, they feel valued. When we approach them for physical affection, they feel satisfied and loved.

So since the government isn’t stepping in to "bail out" your marriage, I will tell you how to do that yourself:

Keep your date nights! You may choose a thrifty-priced date, like the discount theater, try a matinee or use a coupon. Remember that dates don’t have to cost anything at all. It can be a tennis game at a public court, or a walk at the park. The games that you already own are free, and there’s no admission for the backseat of your car. It’s not about spending money – it’s about spending time.

Take turns planning inexpensive dates! That way you can each see how fun it is to plan something creative and inexpensive. I know some couples that actually set a price and make it a competition…who can plan the best date for under $10? Another couple really loves eating in an expensive restaurant, so their solution for cutting back is to do that once a month instead of each week. On the other weeks, they try budget-friendly takeout. My personal favorite is a local Mexican restaurant where my husband and I BOTH eat for $10. We leave a generous tip!

Party with other couples! Recently, we attended a party where the host couple had each guest couple submit "their song" a week before the get-together. One of the activities during the party was guessing the song title, the artist, and which couple it belonged to. It was difficult, funny, and we learned new things about the other couples. That kind of get together can be incredibly inexpensive and very fun.

Romancing your husband is usually inexpensive and often free. Admiring him, giving him attention and appreciation don’t cost anything and you’d better not be charging him for physical affection!

Any difficult time that you experience with your husband is an opportunity to grow closer together. If things were easy and smooth all the time, you would never learn to rely on each other and prove that you will be true to them.

Since our economic situation is uncertain, assure your husband that you are certain about your relationship.

If his job may not be there next week, assure him that you will be.
If your financial situation is difficult, let him know that YOU ARE EASY…you know what I mean!