Rogue Life
I stared at the golden door handle for a time before I worked up the nerve to open the door. Testing is what this was. Very testing and very proving of what the future may hold. I wasn't a big fan of surprises and I felt like this was going to be a surprise I was going to remember for the rest of my wimpy ass life.
Perhaps it was intuition, or perhaps it was fate that led me here. Either way I was here, standing on the outside of some expensive hotel in the middle of Manhattan, New York, sucking on a cigarette that would most likely kill me in years to come. As I exhaled a large cloud of white, flavorful smoke, I couldn't help but think about Delores. I saw her in that smoke ; smelled the scent of her when she came in from parties that I wasn't invited to, drunk. I saw the outlines of those full lips and high, round cheekbones and deep blue eyes that seemed to be glazed over with guilt every time looked into them.
I sighed and waved the smoke away, taking another drag on death. Maybe I was paranoid, maybe Delores was just doing her hair or something in there. She wasn't with another man, she wouldn't do something like that to me. Or at least I hoped she wouldn't. Delores, the girl that had been there for me for so many years before. She wouldn't do this to me. I knew her. Sure Delores was a party animal and loved to stay out all night, but she wouldn't love me for five years then sneak off to a hotel with some random guy.
Curiosity got the best of me and I threw my anxiety onto the asphalt and burst through the hotel's doors, hurrying to the desk with a short woman with curly red hair standing behind it. At nearly two feet shorter than me, she craned her neck and looked up at me with sparkling green eyes and an inquisitive expression. " Hi, uh, did Delores Cruz come here? She's a foot shorter than me, brown hair and blue eyes, thin. Has a red purse?". I was awkward in my desperation to find her. So awkward that the woman looked at me sideways and then turned to the man behind her and said something quietly. I could have sworn she said something about security, but then again it's me. Who wouldn't have security around someone as awkward as me?
"Uh, yes sir, she's in room 209, would you like someone to escort you up there?" she asked. I shook my head as I looked back, already running to the elevators. I pressed the up button and one opened, greeting me with the soft typical elevator music. I stepped in and took a guess at which floor it was and pushed the button, all of my anxiety building up around my neck, burning my skin. " Oh shit, Oh shit," I gasped as I took my coat off and loosened my shirt. There were tears pouring down my face and my breath, as short as it was, was being pushed out of me. " Okay, okay, calm down. She's just with a friend, trying on clothes or something. She's not screwing some other guy. " I said loudly. That didn't help.
Ding! The doors opened and time seemed to slow and the air seemed really thin. I walked as if in slow motion until I cam across the room 209, staring at the golden numbers. The hall was silent and cold, the walls laughing at some poor wimp. Laughing at me. I balled my hand into a fist to knock before I realized the door wasn't locked. I stared at the golden door handle for a time before I worked up the nerve to open the door. Testing is what this was. Very testing and very proving of what the future may hold. I wasn't a big fan of surprises and I felt like this was going to be a surprise I was going to remember for the rest of my wimpy ass life.
So I just did it. I opened the damn door and walked in and stood still in time. I sucked in a breath as the one I had been holding was knocked out of me at what I saw. These things, this, wasn't meant to happen. Especially not to a guy like me. But they did. There were two people, both very naked. On the bed. Doing what I wished I could have been doing. Delores, the love of my life, the girl I had given my virginity to, my love, was one of them. I bit my lip as she moaned loudly. Then I exhaled. " I guess I deserved this" I said quietly, fighting to uphold my manhood by not crying like a little bitch because I caught my girl with some dude in an expensive ass hotel. Doing like dogs in heat. I was a mess.
"Oh shit!!" The guy said, covering himself with the soiled white sheet he was loving my girlfriend on. He turned over, leaving a very naked Delores exposed to me. She gasped, her blue eyes wide with surprise. She jumped behind him, covering herself from me. I just stared at both of them shaking, my head, squeezing my poor glasses to death in my pocket. " So, this is some party, huh? What happened to you staying with your parents for the holidays Delores?" I asked calmly. Tears filled her blue eyes and fell down her beautifully sculpted face. That face... " Now Noel, I ... you know I love you. I always did. Please, this is just ... it's just ...
"It's just screwing some idiot while I'm at home, thinking about how we were going to spent the holidays together. How I was going to be prefect for you when the new year rolled around. It's just me ... no, you know what, I'm mad as fuck right now. Do you know how it feels? Do you, Delores!?" The anger was controllable but I wonder what would happen if I were to just grab her by her pretty little neck and squeeze the life out of her. I loved her too much to do that though, so I cried. I cried like a woman. A woman who had just lost someone dear to her.
Wiping my eyes, I looked over at the guy who was now holding Delores as she wept openly. As if she was enduring the most pain here. Bitch. " I'm leaving." I said, and turned on my heels heading out into the cold hallway, wrapping my jacket tight around me. Then something unexpected happened. The guy came out of the room and stood by the door and yelled " You never loved her like I did."
I topped cold. I turned, oddly enough I was smiling. "Well I guess there ain't no loving a whore now is there?" I said in my best southern accent and turned on my heels and entered the elevator. I felt for my pack of cigarettes in my pocket and being careful not to crush them, I lifted one and put it into my mouth. I walked through the lobby, ignoring everyone who was looking at me. I know my eyes were still red and I was still crying, but I had to move on. It was a shame she couldn't find the words, the lie, to make it all better. But at least he was honest. I didn't love her like he did. I respected and loved her too much to want to spend just one night in some old hotel, not matter how expensive. But I was done with that. I went into the early morning air and lit the thing that was going to help me tonight. The only thing I regretted from this night was throwing that cigarette down. To cope, I lit up another one. At least a cigarette wouldn't stab me in my back. It would be up front about wanting to kill me.
I sighed and waved the smoke away, taking another drag on death. Maybe I was paranoid, maybe Delores was just doing her hair or something in there. She wasn't with another man, she wouldn't do something like that to me. Or at least I hoped she wouldn't. Delores, the girl that had been there for me for so many years before. She wouldn't do this to me. I knew her. Sure Delores was a party animal and loved to stay out all night, but she wouldn't love me for five years then sneak off to a hotel with some random guy.
Curiosity got the best of me and I threw my anxiety onto the asphalt and burst through the hotel's doors, hurrying to the desk with a short woman with curly red hair standing behind it. At nearly two feet shorter than me, she craned her neck and looked up at me with sparkling green eyes and an inquisitive expression. " Hi, uh, did Delores Cruz come here? She's a foot shorter than me, brown hair and blue eyes, thin. Has a red purse?". I was awkward in my desperation to find her. So awkward that the woman looked at me sideways and then turned to the man behind her and said something quietly. I could have sworn she said something about security, but then again it's me. Who wouldn't have security around someone as awkward as me?
"Uh, yes sir, she's in room 209, would you like someone to escort you up there?" she asked. I shook my head as I looked back, already running to the elevators. I pressed the up button and one opened, greeting me with the soft typical elevator music. I stepped in and took a guess at which floor it was and pushed the button, all of my anxiety building up around my neck, burning my skin. " Oh shit, Oh shit," I gasped as I took my coat off and loosened my shirt. There were tears pouring down my face and my breath, as short as it was, was being pushed out of me. " Okay, okay, calm down. She's just with a friend, trying on clothes or something. She's not screwing some other guy. " I said loudly. That didn't help.
Ding! The doors opened and time seemed to slow and the air seemed really thin. I walked as if in slow motion until I cam across the room 209, staring at the golden numbers. The hall was silent and cold, the walls laughing at some poor wimp. Laughing at me. I balled my hand into a fist to knock before I realized the door wasn't locked. I stared at the golden door handle for a time before I worked up the nerve to open the door. Testing is what this was. Very testing and very proving of what the future may hold. I wasn't a big fan of surprises and I felt like this was going to be a surprise I was going to remember for the rest of my wimpy ass life.
So I just did it. I opened the damn door and walked in and stood still in time. I sucked in a breath as the one I had been holding was knocked out of me at what I saw. These things, this, wasn't meant to happen. Especially not to a guy like me. But they did. There were two people, both very naked. On the bed. Doing what I wished I could have been doing. Delores, the love of my life, the girl I had given my virginity to, my love, was one of them. I bit my lip as she moaned loudly. Then I exhaled. " I guess I deserved this" I said quietly, fighting to uphold my manhood by not crying like a little bitch because I caught my girl with some dude in an expensive ass hotel. Doing like dogs in heat. I was a mess.
"Oh shit!!" The guy said, covering himself with the soiled white sheet he was loving my girlfriend on. He turned over, leaving a very naked Delores exposed to me. She gasped, her blue eyes wide with surprise. She jumped behind him, covering herself from me. I just stared at both of them shaking, my head, squeezing my poor glasses to death in my pocket. " So, this is some party, huh? What happened to you staying with your parents for the holidays Delores?" I asked calmly. Tears filled her blue eyes and fell down her beautifully sculpted face. That face... " Now Noel, I ... you know I love you. I always did. Please, this is just ... it's just ...
"It's just screwing some idiot while I'm at home, thinking about how we were going to spent the holidays together. How I was going to be prefect for you when the new year rolled around. It's just me ... no, you know what, I'm mad as fuck right now. Do you know how it feels? Do you, Delores!?" The anger was controllable but I wonder what would happen if I were to just grab her by her pretty little neck and squeeze the life out of her. I loved her too much to do that though, so I cried. I cried like a woman. A woman who had just lost someone dear to her.
Wiping my eyes, I looked over at the guy who was now holding Delores as she wept openly. As if she was enduring the most pain here. Bitch. " I'm leaving." I said, and turned on my heels heading out into the cold hallway, wrapping my jacket tight around me. Then something unexpected happened. The guy came out of the room and stood by the door and yelled " You never loved her like I did."
I topped cold. I turned, oddly enough I was smiling. "Well I guess there ain't no loving a whore now is there?" I said in my best southern accent and turned on my heels and entered the elevator. I felt for my pack of cigarettes in my pocket and being careful not to crush them, I lifted one and put it into my mouth. I walked through the lobby, ignoring everyone who was looking at me. I know my eyes were still red and I was still crying, but I had to move on. It was a shame she couldn't find the words, the lie, to make it all better. But at least he was honest. I didn't love her like he did. I respected and loved her too much to want to spend just one night in some old hotel, not matter how expensive. But I was done with that. I went into the early morning air and lit the thing that was going to help me tonight. The only thing I regretted from this night was throwing that cigarette down. To cope, I lit up another one. At least a cigarette wouldn't stab me in my back. It would be up front about wanting to kill me.
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