Resentments

I got into a fight with a bully in high school, he and his cronies beat me up in front of the whole school. I was so ashamed to go to school that I bunked school for a whole week. At home I lied to my mother, I told her that the bruising I had was from a fall in school. That year I spent most of my days thinking of ways to hurt this guy and his friends. I fantasized, that I knew martial arts and I gave these guys a beating of their life in front of the whole school, just like the one they gave me or worse.

By grace of God my fantasies remained in my mind and I didn't put them in action. For several years I hated seeing these guys and every time I saw them all I wanted to do was hurt them. All this was a draining process and it took a toll on me. Almost 14 years after the incident I saw the guy who beat me in school, even after such a long time, the mere sight of this guy made my blood boil. I was driving at that time and I wanted to ram my car into this guy and hurt him very badly.

The incident was so profound that I started to think to my self, all these years I have carried this resentment at the back of my mind. It was very disturbing so I shared it with my mentor who just gave me a calm smile and narrated a story, which he heard when he went for a 'Vipasna' meditation course.

The story goes that some monks took a strict vow of celibacy, so strict that they did not even look at women. If a woman is passing by, they turn their eyes to the ground and walk past, not once glancing in the direction of the woman.

One day a couple of monks were walking through the village when one of them saw a young woman struggling to keep a stack of sticks over her head. She was having a difficult time doing this and was almost about to fall down when the monk rushed and helped her. While trying to help the monk had to hold her hands and this was something that troubled the other monk.

After the incident the monks started the long journey back to the monastery which took them almost 3 hours. Upon reaching the monastery the troubled monk could not hold his peace and asked the monk why he touched the woman.

The monk smiled and replied that he helped the woman to prevent her from falling and that he forgot about her immediately, while the troubled monk was still carrying her in his mind for over 3 hours. This taught me a valuable lesson that I carry inconsequential things in my mind and lose my serenity for no reason...