Reminiscing...
A story for those who are in a difficult marriage...all is never lost if you can talk things over...
Shireen snuggled deep into the chair on the balcony with a cup of freshly brewed coffee. It was her 57th birthday, and their 30th wedding anniversary. She had sent her husband off to work. There was time before the household chores took her attention. She liked to finish her chores before she sat down at her laptop to do what she really, really loved. Writing. Reaching out into cyberspace. But for now - this was her sacred 'ME time'. Shireen was, as usual, comfortably clad in her favorite shorts and tee. Looking at the bustling scene in front of her, she was glad that the hustle and bustle of a working life was behind her. And then, slowly, as she unwound, those difficult years of long, long ago started to play out in her mind's eye.
She was 25. A working girl. Smart, efficient, with the world at her feet, and a career ladder she was swiftly climbing. Then along came Prince Charming. It did not matter that he was not the 'conventionally suitable boy.' He was all wrong for Shireen - Westernized, of a different caste and creed, very outspoken and well, totally alien from anything Shireen had ever known. But, his was a stimulating presence, and Shireen found to her amazement, that she had a lot in common with DJ (as he was known at work and by all his friends). Friendship changed into love and after 2 years, they decided to get married. Of course there was huge opposition. Shireen's parents tried every trick in the book, but she was adamant. DJ was hugely supportive through it all. They got married, and started life on their own.
One day when they were chatting, there was a difference in their opinion. 'Bitch,' screamed DJ. Shireen was stunned. The verbal abuse that followed shocked the wits out Shireen. She cowered in a corner of their bedroom. And then, as suddenly as it started, it ended and DJ came a picked her up gently. She started crying, and DJ held her close as she sobbed her heart out. They made up and things went on as usual. Shireen filed the incident away.
After a few months, there was a recurrence. Again, it happened when Shireen's viewpoint differed from DJ's. This time he hit her. However, when the terrible temper died down, making up was sweet and gentle, and loving. Once more, Shireen's mind blanked out the incident. A few peaceful months passed, and then the temper came over DJ again. Shireen realized that this was falling into a pattern. The aftermath of these tantrums was great suffering for Shireen. She took days to get over it. DJ would patiently and lovingly nurse her through. He was remorseful and would go out of his way to help get the home back to normal. Things would be fine till the next bout. She suffered greatly. Crying and vomiting and retching on the bathroom floor, Shireen realized that she had hit rock bottom. She would have to face this issue and think it through thoroughly.
By now there was a little baby on the scene. A darling little girl who was the apple of their eye. DJ loved his daughter blindly. But, did Shireen still love DJ? Love him enough to do something about his temper? Love him enough to carry on living with him? Shireen loved her home and family. Was she ready to sacrifice her home? The questions flew about in her mind driving her to distraction at times. The color left her face, there were deep lines on her forehead, and her eyes mirrored her terrible pain and confusion. There was no one she could either go to for help or comfort. Shireen realized that she would have to see this through on her own. It was time she faced up to what was happening. The temper bouts were becoming violent and more frequent. Their daughter would be terrified of the change in her father, and would see her mother collapse. It started affecting her badly.
Finally, Shireen decided to have a frank talk with DJ. So, one day after their daughter had gone to bed, she told DJ they had to talk. Shireen told DJ that she was not ready to go through his temper bouts anymore. Either he did something about it, or they go their separate ways. Confronted with this dilemma, DJ begged her to reconsider. Shireen was unflinching in her decision. It had to be either... or...He knew he could not live without either Shireen or his daughter. This home meant the world to him. So why was he letting his temper get the better of him.
That weekend, Shireen and DJ sat down to work things out. Out tumbled all that DJ had been keeping pent up. He told Shireen about how his father used to torment his mother; the dreadful scenes at home; his protective mechanisms. It was obvious that he had got his father's temper genes. All the dark past came out. For the first time in their lives, Shireen and DJ really talked. They opened up their hearts to each other. They actually felt each other's pain.
They both realized that what they had was something special, so were they willing to work towards keeping their happy home? It was clearly not going to be easy. He promised that he would work on himself and that in 5 years, he would turn the corner. Would she help him? Would she be there for him? DJ asked Shireen for her patience, and understanding and to help him through this. He begged her to stand by him, and help him. Shireen, on her part, examined her mind, and realized that while it was important for her to have a peaceful and happy home, it was important for her that her daughter have a complete home. And, DJ was important. He could be such fun. He always made little things special....So, after much deliberation, she gave him her hand in promise.
The next years were not easy, but because they were working towards resolving DJ's temper problem, they overcame all the obstacles that popped up. In the process, they found that they were growing closer to each other, their daughter got her emotionally stability back, and as a family they were becoming knitted into an inseparable threesome - a happy threesome. As they overcame one difficult period after another, they found themselves maturing into persons who were compassionate, understanding and emotionally very strong. This was, in turn, enriching their lives.
Now, Shireen and DJ were empty-nesters, but their nest was full of love and happiness, peace, solace and comfort, a refuge, and a lovely place for all who wished to come over. Shireen realized that marriage was not all dances and roses, it was hard work and commitment. The pledge of 'for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part,' were not empty words. 'And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness,' was the key to a happy marriage. You had to be faithful to those vows. Shireen and DJ chose to make their pledge real, and the result was that today, when Shireen looked back on all those years, she smiled with a deep, deep contentment.
She was 25. A working girl. Smart, efficient, with the world at her feet, and a career ladder she was swiftly climbing. Then along came Prince Charming. It did not matter that he was not the 'conventionally suitable boy.' He was all wrong for Shireen - Westernized, of a different caste and creed, very outspoken and well, totally alien from anything Shireen had ever known. But, his was a stimulating presence, and Shireen found to her amazement, that she had a lot in common with DJ (as he was known at work and by all his friends). Friendship changed into love and after 2 years, they decided to get married. Of course there was huge opposition. Shireen's parents tried every trick in the book, but she was adamant. DJ was hugely supportive through it all. They got married, and started life on their own.
One day when they were chatting, there was a difference in their opinion. 'Bitch,' screamed DJ. Shireen was stunned. The verbal abuse that followed shocked the wits out Shireen. She cowered in a corner of their bedroom. And then, as suddenly as it started, it ended and DJ came a picked her up gently. She started crying, and DJ held her close as she sobbed her heart out. They made up and things went on as usual. Shireen filed the incident away.
After a few months, there was a recurrence. Again, it happened when Shireen's viewpoint differed from DJ's. This time he hit her. However, when the terrible temper died down, making up was sweet and gentle, and loving. Once more, Shireen's mind blanked out the incident. A few peaceful months passed, and then the temper came over DJ again. Shireen realized that this was falling into a pattern. The aftermath of these tantrums was great suffering for Shireen. She took days to get over it. DJ would patiently and lovingly nurse her through. He was remorseful and would go out of his way to help get the home back to normal. Things would be fine till the next bout. She suffered greatly. Crying and vomiting and retching on the bathroom floor, Shireen realized that she had hit rock bottom. She would have to face this issue and think it through thoroughly.
By now there was a little baby on the scene. A darling little girl who was the apple of their eye. DJ loved his daughter blindly. But, did Shireen still love DJ? Love him enough to do something about his temper? Love him enough to carry on living with him? Shireen loved her home and family. Was she ready to sacrifice her home? The questions flew about in her mind driving her to distraction at times. The color left her face, there were deep lines on her forehead, and her eyes mirrored her terrible pain and confusion. There was no one she could either go to for help or comfort. Shireen realized that she would have to see this through on her own. It was time she faced up to what was happening. The temper bouts were becoming violent and more frequent. Their daughter would be terrified of the change in her father, and would see her mother collapse. It started affecting her badly.
Finally, Shireen decided to have a frank talk with DJ. So, one day after their daughter had gone to bed, she told DJ they had to talk. Shireen told DJ that she was not ready to go through his temper bouts anymore. Either he did something about it, or they go their separate ways. Confronted with this dilemma, DJ begged her to reconsider. Shireen was unflinching in her decision. It had to be either... or...He knew he could not live without either Shireen or his daughter. This home meant the world to him. So why was he letting his temper get the better of him.
That weekend, Shireen and DJ sat down to work things out. Out tumbled all that DJ had been keeping pent up. He told Shireen about how his father used to torment his mother; the dreadful scenes at home; his protective mechanisms. It was obvious that he had got his father's temper genes. All the dark past came out. For the first time in their lives, Shireen and DJ really talked. They opened up their hearts to each other. They actually felt each other's pain.
They both realized that what they had was something special, so were they willing to work towards keeping their happy home? It was clearly not going to be easy. He promised that he would work on himself and that in 5 years, he would turn the corner. Would she help him? Would she be there for him? DJ asked Shireen for her patience, and understanding and to help him through this. He begged her to stand by him, and help him. Shireen, on her part, examined her mind, and realized that while it was important for her to have a peaceful and happy home, it was important for her that her daughter have a complete home. And, DJ was important. He could be such fun. He always made little things special....So, after much deliberation, she gave him her hand in promise.
The next years were not easy, but because they were working towards resolving DJ's temper problem, they overcame all the obstacles that popped up. In the process, they found that they were growing closer to each other, their daughter got her emotionally stability back, and as a family they were becoming knitted into an inseparable threesome - a happy threesome. As they overcame one difficult period after another, they found themselves maturing into persons who were compassionate, understanding and emotionally very strong. This was, in turn, enriching their lives.
Now, Shireen and DJ were empty-nesters, but their nest was full of love and happiness, peace, solace and comfort, a refuge, and a lovely place for all who wished to come over. Shireen realized that marriage was not all dances and roses, it was hard work and commitment. The pledge of 'for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part,' were not empty words. 'And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness,' was the key to a happy marriage. You had to be faithful to those vows. Shireen and DJ chose to make their pledge real, and the result was that today, when Shireen looked back on all those years, she smiled with a deep, deep contentment.
Post Comment
