No names here, but two people I know got divorced after a really long marriage. For the sake of convenience we shall call the husband Tarzan and the wife Jane (cheesy, I know! But that's me!). The reasons for the divorce were quite legit. Tarzan was gay. Sadly, Jane was still the same straight woman he married. So, with a heavy heart, they decided to call it quits. They have twins, a boy and a girl (my favorite kind). Giselle has always been a daddies girl, and Mateo really looks up to his dad. They were a happy family, and Tarzan was a wonderful and supportive father. How did they manage their relationships after the divorce took place? Since this article is inspired by this family, I will be using direct examples here.
Moving On After a Divorce
In Case of Men
Dealing with the divorce was not easy for Tarzan. He had known Jane since high school. They were madly in love. He still loved Jane with all his heart, but did not see sense in keeping her linked to a sexless marriage. After divorce, Tarzan moved into another house. It was a block away from Jane's. This way, he was close by when they needed. He loved his children and could not bear the thought of being away from them. He volunteered to pick them up from school, as that was their routine before the divorce. The children spend the weekends with him.
Even though the divorce was a mutual decision, Tarzan missed Jane. They were the best of friends. For a while after the divorce, they decided to keep distance, so that they can get over each other. This was a difficult phase for Tarzan. After around 2 months of the divorce, they started meeting up occasionally. They realized that even though their marriage didn't work out, they could still be friends. They now have dinner with the family every Wednesday night. It is time for all of them to bond and cherish.
In Case of Women
Jane was still completely in love with Tarzan. So, she suggested that she needed some time to cool off, and gather her thoughts about Tarzan. She spent time with her girlfriends. They talked, reasoned and even moped for her loss of love. A few of her friends tried to set her up. She went for a couple of dates too, and the attention helped in regaining her confidence. Jane allowed Tarzan to keep the routine of picking up the kids from school everyday. Seeing them happy, gave her a lot of strength.
About two months after the divorce, Jane was fine. When Tarzan invited her to catch up, she obliged. Initially it was odd. He was there, but not as her man anymore. But, facing this fact and getting through the evening, gave her a lot of internal strength. She made the decision that he could still be her friend, and kept the relationships that way. After all, he knew her well, and that is what a friend is all about, right? It is still a little difficult to deal with it, but it gets easier by the day!
How to Handle Children Following a Divorce
It is a well-known fact that the children are affected a lot when the parents get divorced. Even if both the reasons for the divorce may differ, the children need to know that their parents love them. That is exactly what Jane and Tarzan aimed at. Even though Jane was a little bit upset in the start, she know how much her children loved Tarzan. The love was mutual, and she did not want them to lose out. Tarzan had to work through a lot to ensure that he had time for the children, but he knew that is what he had to do, to give them a good life.
He also let Mateo join him to the office sometimes. This way, Mateo got to see his "hero" at work. Mateo had similar interests as his dad. By taking him to work, their father-son equation only got better. This way, even though Mateo knew his father was gay (which is normally difficult for kids to handle), his respect for him didn't waiver. Post-divorce, father-daughter relationships are mostly likely to take a hit. But, Tarzan made sure he was the same daddy to Giselle as he was before the marriage. He also treated Jane well when she was around (he did so anyway). This way Jane believed that he was a respectful man, which he was. As such, even after the divorce, she remained daddies little girl. This really worked at helping the children cope with divorce.
Getting into a New Relationship
Venturing into a new relationship after a divorce is the next step. One has to get over the past, and live in the present to get to the future, right? Rebound relationships are a big mistake. One can take help from friends in surviving the breakup. Your life does not end with the marriage. Both Jane and Tarzan realized that. They carried on with their professional lives in the same way. In fact, Tarzan actually started dating a colleague of Jane's, she hooked them up. (yes, this cannot happen very often, but it happened with them). Tarzan ensured that the new guy know all about the divorce. In fact Mogli (we'll call the new guy Mogli), adores the children. They get along famously with him as well.
Jane, on the other hand, warmed up to an old friend of hers who always had hidden feelings for her. She asked Tarzan for his inputs, considering he knows her so well. When he agreed, Jane started dating Austin (We'll call Jane's new guy, Austin). Austin is friends with Tarzan and is almost like a father figure to Giselle and Mateo. The secret to successful relationships if you are divorced is, transparency and acceptance. Because both, Tarzan and Jane, were open about their past and present, their new partners could accept them with open arms, thus, giving them an opportunity to have serious relationships.
While Tarzan and Jane's story is quite true, it is a very positive case; almost surreal. I decided to cite it because, even if one cannot adapt the entire philosophy of the story, they can benefit from a part of it. A divorce is not the end of the world. You can also take help from divorce recovery groups. Life after divorce may seem tough at first, but the ease comes in soon. This is where I sign off! All the best!