Reconciliation after Divorce

Divorce can never be a permanent state. Many couples are tempted to get back together after the divorce. But, reconciliation has its own difficulties. If you genuinely feel you should give your relationship a second chance, consider reconciliation.

It is easy to forgive and forget the past and look towards a better future. But reconciliation is a long and difficult process. When you and your ex decide to get back together, be sure to consult your counselor. You should also seek an advice from your family and friends. When everybody agrees with your decision, you may take the second step towards reconciliation.

Try reconciliation for yourself, not for your spouse's sake. Get over all the emotional baggage that you may be carrying, like shame, guilt and self-worthlessness. Think and clear out all the doubts in your mind. Seek counseling and speak to someone who will guide you emotionally. Even after the guilt ride, the constant 'to do' or 'not to do' fight within yourself, if you feel like going ahead, seek reconciliation.

You and your spouse should visit a marriage and family therapist. Try visiting one who has a license, along with good references. Be open during your sessions. Admit what went wrong and accept the changes. If you were the dominating partner before divorce, try give in now. As I have mentioned earlier, reconciliation will be very difficult. Put in all the hard work to make it work this time.

Take each step towards reconciliation slowly and cautiously. Do not rush into things or give up hope easily. The emotional turmoil in your mind may be experienced by your ex too. Try to be patient with your ex. Do not jump into conclusions, which may result in another failure. Do not give into pressure or pressurize your spouse into reconciliation.

Stay focused and be positive. Try to remember the love and affection you once shared with your ex. Do all the things that made you feel special and wanted. Go ahead and plan a date, go for a dance, surprise each other and get engaged again. Concentrate on the strengths of your ex and try to overlook the weaknesses.

Communication plays a major role during reconciliation. Most marriages breakdown because couples stop communicating. Be honest with your feelings and share them with your partner. Do not let your anger get the better of you. Be loving and caring and LISTEN!

Before beginning your relationship afresh, forgive and forget all the ill feelings and grudges you held against your ex. Do not hold on to past mistakes and pains. Do not take your partner for granted. This is your opportunity to rebuild the beautiful relationship that you and your partner dreamed about.

When you and your partner are fully confident and doubly-sure about reconciliation, speak to your family. Do not inform the children before any concrete decisions are made. It may raise their hopes of seeing mom and dad together again. It will be very painful for them if you do not get back together. When you plan to re-unite, let the children know of your decision.

Plan a marriage again, let your son be the best man and your daughter the maid of honor, exchange rings. Make sure this time you do not commit the same mistakes that ended your marriage the first time. Do not have any doubt or second thoughts before going through reconciliation.

Marriage is a beautiful relationship that unites two people for life. It should be nurtured with care and attention. Enjoy and cherish the togetherness. Divorce should be the last resort only when nothing works out or when you are in an abusive relationship.

When you reach a rough patch, silently whisper the Oath of Marriage to calm yourself - "I, take you, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live".