"Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods."Okay firstly, pets r-u-l-e. Not dogs. Not cats. Or hamsters. Or parakeets. Or even angelfish. Pets are the best thing to have happened to humans, and there's no debating that. The bond we share with our pets surpasses that of any human relationship―only those who have surrendered themselves to the genteel love of their pet can understand what I'm saying here.
― Christopher Hitchens
But last night, having watched Cats & Dogs for the umpteenth time, I just thought of making a textual version of that insanely stupid but hilarious movie, where the dogs are pitted against the cats in a show of superiority.
So dogs get a go at it first, because, well, dogs RULE. And here's why.
While they're constantly keeping an eye on you, dogs never give you the metaphorical thumbs-down with their behavior. To them, you're the one and only, the center of their universe until ... hey is that bacon I smell?
Cats are the supreme champions of the resting bitchface, and make you feel as if they're constantly judging you (they so are). Whereas dogs ... well they're just too content handling their butt-sniffing business.
Those quiet, adoring eyes. Those happy little tail wags. The steely companionship. That dogs are great stress-busters is now scientifically proven. But regardless of that, dogs manage to bring about a sense of happiness wherever they go, and their unbridled enthusiasm can lift the dullest of spirits.
A hike in the mountains?
A day at the beach?
Tail-can't-stop-waggin' woof, woof!!!
Playing fetch at the park?
Stop-asking-me-and-take-me-out woof, woof!!!
Even humans can learn a thing or two from dogs when it comes to nature worship. Cats aren't even in the picture. Unless when you say 'nature', you actually mean 'catnip'.
Now, I wouldn't go as far as saying that dogs love intermittent changes in their lifestyle, it's just that they're able to deal with it way better than cats. So if you're a dog parent, you won't break into sweat if your job involves a lot of relocation, or even fun things like holidays and picnics. Of course, your dog will take time getting into its groove every time you change homes, but the cat―oh, the cat has something of a panic attack every time you so much as move the couch to vacuum under it.
The next time you're at a shelter, waiting to adopt a pooch (because it's always better to adopt, rather than shop!), you'll go crazy with the sheer variety of dog breeds available. They're big, small, or even in-between. They're bald, hairy, not-so-hairy, shedding, non-shedding, apartment-sized, big backyard-sized ... the choices just leave you overwhelmed. And the bottom line remains that they all have that one quality in common―a heart of gold.
With cats, you've got to go for whichever ignores you the least.
Cats bring in their special brand of iffiness at mealtimes. They will want to eat something, but want you to coax and cajole them enough to eat it. With a dog in the house, you'd bet on never letting a morsel of food go waste. Which is excellent for the food crisis that's threatening our planet.
But it's really, really bad if you own a pair of Louboutins or an LV handbag. And god help you if you leave it out in the open...
Yes, dogs can be anything they wish―from adorable goof balls to SAR veterans, to guide dogs, to companion dogs, to therapy dogs ... to surgeons, fighter pilots, crime-fighting ninjas.
Okay, we leave the ninja business to the cats, for they're freakishly agile.
Dogs are suckers for attention, and enjoy all the love that comes their way. They let you scratch behind their ears (watch out for ticks if they're enjoying that a little too much), tickle their belly, and engage in all kinds of dumbass behavior we ask them to. Cats, being in a perpetual state of unagi, will rip you to shreds even if you so much as think of getting them a Halloween costume.
Dogs make no bones about the fact that they are pack animals, and if you manage to become the alpha, they pretty much surrender themselves to you. They may be the biggest mischief mongers, but they also possess an innate sense of shame, and the puppy eyes are proof of that.
Cats will push your precious iPhone off the table with a simple tail swish and expect you to apologize for putting it in their tail's way. Been there and done that. Apologize, I mean.
I know, I know, Breed Specific Legislation isn't really a valid point here―but it has to be raised as much as possible, because the sole purpose of this post is to sing glories of our blessed dogs. Here's a quote by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle that will drive the point home:
"A dog reflects the family life. Whoever saw a frisky dog in a gloomy family, or a sad dog in a happy one? Snarling people have snarling dogs, dangerous people have dangerous ones."
And despite the BSL bull****, our dogs love us all the same.
As I said at the beginning―this is just a lighthearted banter about the whole cats-versus-dogs brouhaha. The canines have had their say, and now it's over to the felines. Claws out, darlings...