Real, Healthy Relationships aren't found, you Must Create Them!

It takes a firm foundation to build a solid house. We all dream of trustworthy and reliable relationships and know the meaning of the old proverb "a friend in need is a friend indeed". However, the stability we look for in a relationship seems to vanish rapidly with all the pressures of the nowadays ever fluctuating society.

What would you answer if someone asked you the following question: "How can I build a dependable relationship?"

I took the ideas from Dr. H. Norman Wrights book where he sums up the four main pillars of a relationship: love, trust, respect and understanding. If one of the pillars is not solid enough, the whole construction is threatened and will eventually collapse. What’s more, you can’t build upon one of the pillars to compensate the lack of another! For instance, you can’t compensate the lack of trust with a double portion of love; it takes more time for trust and reciprocal understanding to be built when compared to other qualities of your relationship.

Let’s see the four main bases of the house of love:

1. The pillar of love

This pillar consists of more elements necessary for a relation to function: a) safety and security, b) support, c) the "feeling you belong", d) the care.

a) To be yourself is a great privilege and there are certain people in your life that you can be yourself with because you trust them, you can give up the "safety armor" and simply enjoy their presence. What a relief!

b) To know that you have people to encourage and support you trough the good and the bad times is a need we all have. A person who gives you support is with you determining you to bring out the best in you, encouraging you, help you dream to a higher level that even transcends your own level, this is a true supporter. It is not easy to encourage someone to achieve higher goals then your own it takes a lot of character but you’ll surely be rewarded for it!

c) The "feeling you belong"
We are social beings and we all know the pain of being rejected versus the joy of being accepted /needed and valued within a community. That’s why it is important for us to belong with someone respectively in a group that best represents your values and interests.

d) To care for someone means to give that person a special place in your heart and to be willing to give up some of your own comfort in order to show that your care is true. It is not always convenient to sacrifice your time for someone else but it is impossible to say you care, without any sacrifice whatsoever.

2. The second main pillar is trust

Trusting others comes easy to some people but for others this can be extremely difficult especially when their experiences pushed them to believe that people are not to be easily trusted, that’s why you should handle your partner with extreme care when it comes to this chapter.

Can you rely on your partner? Does he do what he says he'll do? When two people trust each other they transmit the following message:" I trust you, I will be with you when all forsake you; you can rely on me with big and small things; I tell the truth, I will not change and I won't be impulsive". As it takes two to have a relationship, you have to be trustworthy if that’s what you want from the other. Are you a dependable person?

3. The third pillar, respect

This is by far the most neglected aspect of a relationship. Respect is a must in a lifelong relationship and it means to acknowledge the value of the other person. An essential aspect is that in order to respect others you have to respect yourself first.

If you don’t respect yourself how can you respect others?

This "ingredient" can be seen, shown, but how?

You can welcome the other giving him/her the attention he needs, it is like saying: "I am happy you are in my life!" it means to show a high level of appreciation to the point where you feel free to tell your friend that you wish you had his abilities/qualities.

4. The fourth pillar- the understanding

The first three elements depend on this last pillar, understanding the other. This pillar needs time to grow as it can only be built on knowing your partner, it requires an intense communication; you must know what the other feels and how he/she thinks to be able to understand him/her.

Your friend can’t understand you if you are not open, if you don’t reveal yourself. Your partner has to do the same, you can’t tell your deepest heart of hearts unless you know and trust the person, that’s why this pillar is built in time.

Now even if all four pillars are solid in your relationship - which means the chances to have a beautiful long-term relationship are real and in fact, great there is a common element involved here: the risk.

If you are not willing to be vulnerable and assume the risk of a relationship, you can’t dream of a perfect relationship. This is the bottom line: Are you willing to risk?

It is not easy to choose the right person for you and these consequences will last a lifetime, it is after all one of the most important decisions you’ll make. Decide wisely!