Reactive Attachment Disorder in Adults

When two people have a bond between them, they tend to become affectionate towards each other. We are affectionate towards many people in our lives. The first relationship that teaches one to become affectionate is the bond between a mother and her child. Soon, the child begins to develop bonds with the father, grandparents, siblings, friends and many other people he/ she will meet in a lifetime. However, when a child cannot create the bonds or ties with its parents and family, it leads to attachment disorder. As the child ages, this attachment disorder turns into reactive attachment disorder in adults.

What is Reactive Attachment Disorder in Adults

Reactive attachment disorder in adults is a conditions in which an individual has difficulty in forming loving, lasting intimate relationships. These people believe that they are capable enough of providing for their own needs as well as safety. Individuals with reactive attachment disorder fail to develop a conscience. They fail to show empathy and lack genuine affection for any person or even a pet.

These individuals lack the element of trust and therefore do not allow anyone to control them. This behavior disorder is generally developed when the primary caregiver that is either of the parents gets physically or emotionally separated or abuses the individual during the first 3 years of their life. According to Magid & McKelvey 1988, if a child cannot develop a bond of love with their mother, he will not be able to get attached to any person or thing throughout his/ her life. These people do not think like a normal person and they remain unattached from within. They are burning with anger deep within their mental psyche.

This disorder is seen in those individuals who have a rage similar to that of psychopaths. These people are angry because of their unfulfilled needs as an infant. They have a feeling of abandonment in their minds forever. They find it extremely difficult to get into a relationship and this makes their treatment even more difficult.

Symptoms

Most of the time, people with reactive attachment disorder often complain of problems fitting in. For a long time, this disorder in children was never thought to be a major problem in adults. However, as an adult many issues came into picture like relationship troubles, workplace issues, and problems with social life. As an adult, the individual with reactive attachment disorder may show problems like clinging on to something for a long time, co-dependency, neediness, etc. These individual's show a high level of anger and hostility towards others that prevents them from making strong, intimate relationships. A few live superficial lives, never begin able to show their true emotions and living an almost isolated life. The symptoms depend on the individual's genetic personality make up. The symptoms are divided into two categories, avoidant attachment and ambivalent attachment. Let us have a look at the symptoms according to the categories.

Avoidant Reactive Attachment Disorder Symptoms

• They avoid intimacy
• They show compulsive self-reliance
• They have difficulty in getting along with co-workers and often prefer working alone rather than begin a team player
• They fear closeness in relationships
• Hostile
• Lack of empathy
• They have very low levels of perceived support
• They tend to be overly critical of others
• Passive withdrawal
• They find relationships as a threat to their sense of control and feel the relation is not worth the effort
• They are very sensitive to blame
• They have a tendency towards self-criticism
• They do believe in idealizing the love relationship
• They often have the mindset that others are untrustworthy or undependable
• They think of themselves as a unlovable person or too good for others
• They tend to become intensely self-critical
• They avoid personal relationships by citing work reasons
• They show intense anger

Ambivalent Reactive Attachment Disorder Symptoms

• They show compulsive care giving nature
• They desire for intimate contact and declarations of affections at all times from their partners
• They are a bit uncomfortable with anger
• They show extreme emotions
• They can either feel over involved and under appreciated with their work or relationships
• They tend to idealize others
• They are very jealous
• Mood swings
• They never have long-term relationships
• They tend to over indulge with their emotions in a relationship
• They also feel others are very difficult to understand
• They find relationships imbalanced
• Possessive
• They tend to be preoccupied or show dependence on relationship
• Relationship becomes the primary mode through which they can experience a sense of security
• They are very sensitive to 'NO' or any form of rejection
• They have very strong feelings of reciprocation from their partner in a relationship
• They may carry out suicide attempts
• They have a tendency of dependent depression
• They never find anyone to be altruistic
• They feel their partner is unpredictable
• They feel they are unlovable or undesired by others

Reactive attachment disorder in adults may also make individuals feel empty or sad from within. They are in constant need for love and affection, but their untrustworthy outlook towards others, does not allow them to seek love. They hold on to the negative feelings and problems of the past. These negative feelings make them even more fearful, aloof and less affectionate towards others.

These people require therapy to re-nurture the feelings of emotions that helps them over come their rage and trapped emotions. If you know someone with such a disorder, you need to shower them with love and care. Give them all your support while they are undergoing therapy. It is not easy to find changes within an individual soon after beginning a therapy. This a very long process that may take years. The success of an intervention depends on the individual and the degree of disorder manifested within the individual. One of the famous personalities is Helen Keller who was diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder. With early therapy, she too overcame her attachment disorder and went on to become a fore bearer of the cause for the deaf and blind. Thus, you too can hope to see such a miracle in a loved one and overcome the attachment disorder problems.