Putting Out ...the Welcome Mat of Romance

I was born into a family of six girls. My Dad left us before I reached adolescence, so our household, (of seven single women), was very gender specific. Because of the lack of a male influence, I didn’t understand the difference between boys and girls. Okay, I knew about the physical details, but imagine my surprise when I got married and discovered that boys think differently than girls…about everything!

My husband had to explain to me how he best expressed his love to me, (through physical intimacy). He further explained how he felt loved, (by being physically intimate). Then he explained how he felt emotionally connected to me, (you guessed it – through physical intimacy). Honestly, at first I thought my husband was a pervert! Fortunately for him, I wasn’t shy about asking other adult men for verification of my husband’s preoccupation. Shockingly – they backed him up. These weren’t strangers on the street I asked for a second opinion, they were men that I knew to be good fathers and husbands; men that I respected and whose wives I knew well.

Wow. What a revelation. I can’t say that physical affection is the only men feel and show love. My husband is aware of many things that are important to me, and he does them because he knows just what makes me feel loved. Left up to the male species though, they would explain that it’s just their favorite way of connecting. I have pondered that for years and can only conclude that maybe that’s because it’s the one thing that I do exclusively with and for him.

Over the last 24 years in my conversations with happily married men, I have been told over and over that it is critically important to their self-esteem that their wife approaches them for intimacy. Well, what about unhappy men? They say the same thing! Only in most of those cases, they just wish their wife would make the final approach. I have not conducted a scientific survey, but I have never met a man who does not agree with the following quote from one of my, (happily married) friends:

"Nothing else makes me feel more like a man, than my woman coming to me for love." He wasn’t actually beating his fists against his chest when he said this, but you can picture that easily!

Of course husbands appreciate other forms of love and affection. My husband loves that I actually make dinner for our family every night. I iron his shirts instead of taking them to the cleaners because he likes the way I do them better. Whenever I attend a meeting or party away from him and some kind of treat is served, I bring some home for him. None of these things are difficult for me, (I actually like doing them), and they have become things he can count on in our relationship. But what it really comes down to is this - when I approach my husband with that particular gleam in my eye, he not only feels loved, he feels like the most valiant knight in shining armor. Nothing else feeds his ego in the same way.

But what if you are one of those wives who have difficulty asking for physical attention? What if you are shy? What if you know that your husband would love it, but are embarrassed to make the first move? Many of us were brought up to be "good girls" and mistakenly equate seducing our husbands with "bad girl" behavior. Often, I have heard friends say that while they might be open to his advances, they don’t feel comfortable making a grand overture.

I have a solution for you! Think of it as putting out the welcome mat for him. What does a welcome mat do? It lets us know that we can go ahead and come in. Our company is desired, and we will be treated warmly and hospitably. It’s easy to come up with a way to let him know that you are open to his advances by simply choosing a particular thing that sends him that signal.

You can actually buy a welcome mat and set it outside your bedroom door! Bring it out whenever you feel like he needs a little attention. If he asks you why there is a welcome mat inside the house then respond, "I thought I’d let you know that it’s open season on me!" or "I’m just letting you know that you are welcome in my boudoir." Come up with your own cute and cheeky response. Store the mat somewhere he doesn’t see it so YOU are totally in control of when it is displayed. That way, YOU decide when you are ready, and he is given the "all clear" message, which means he won’t be rejected.

You will also find that you actually create some anticipation in yourself each time you set out that ordinary mat. It becomes fun to see how quickly he notices it is there. The idea is that the kids are clueless as to why there is a mat outside your bedroom door, but your man knows it is a signal that you are ready for his advances

Of course you can use anything else - burn a specific candle, play a particular song, or set the table with his plate upside down. Choose a signal, let him know what it means and viola, you have made his day. Believe me, he will quickly catch on and look forward to your signal.

Well, I’m headed down to Target to pick out a new mat. When I see you there agonizing over which one to get, I’ll just give you the thumbs up!

Romantic Marriages
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