Procrastination - What Am I Avoiding

There are millions of people out there that are procrastinators. There are various degrees of this characteristic that range from the occasional procrastinator to the chronic or severe procrastinator.

Procrastination to some extent is a normal characteristic that most of us possess. We hate to do unpleasant tasks. Let's see, pay taxes would be one. I hate getting all my material together to take to the tax man. The days of my getting refunds is over. It used to be fun then. However, knowing that I must get everything in order and make a trip to simply drop all the documents, receipts, and so forth on his desk, is something that I totally detest. Every year I go through the very same steps. Before Christmas, while I'm all cozy and happy I tell myself that this year I will get my taxes done as soon as possible and get it over with. Then Christmas passes. The new year goes by. I rationalize that I must wait for all my documents to come in. All my documents come in. I still don't lift a finger. February goes by, March, and before I know it, April 15th is bearing down on me and I must focus on my taxes and get them done. This is a pretty common scenario for most of us. Of course, you do have those very few that never procrastinate and immediately get the job done, whatever it may be. My mother was one of those. She used to tell me, "Get the job done and you won't have to worry about it." Well, yes, this is true, but I just never did it.

However, procrastination can be so severe that it becomes a disorder, interfering with one's very own life. There are some who seem to procrastinate to the 'ength degree. Nothing ever gets accomplished. Either someone finally must step in and do the job for them or it will never get done. I submit when procrastination is carried to this degree, the procrastination becomes a disorder. This can get in the way of relationships, and even break up families. The condition is sometimes made worse by a family member not understanding and trying to motivate the person to accomplish the task in question. Sometimes that attempt to motivate someone can turn destructive. The family member may become angry, resentful, impatient, and the procrastinator feels nagged, demeaned and this can progress into loss of self esteem. What we deem as simple procrastination has broken families up and left the procrastinator in a state of despair with a loss of their self esteem.

Is this another modern disorder, or is it something that has come down through the ages?

When we look at the chronic procrastinator, we usually see someone who has other issues that need to be dealt with. Chronic procrastinators may be ill, not having the energy to accomplish a certain task or tasks, something that society would consider an ordinary thing. For some it can be a mountain too high to climb. These people are then given a stigma. That stigma may classify them as being sloppy, disorganized, uncaring, and so forth. The person in question takes this to heart and their self esteem plummets, thereby exacerbating this condition.

The illness that the person suffers may also be a disease that society does not widely accept. I will pick a few that I have had experience with, either personally, or have helped someone with. I will pick, fibromyalgia, anxiety and panic disorders, depression, and I am sure there are other conditions responsible for this characteristic that would further stigmatize this person, causing over time a feeling of worthlessness. This could snowball and cause depression to ensue, making the original condition worse, or even permanent.

Another reason for chronic procrastination is abuse, either mental, physical, or emotional. When one is abused, they lose all self worth. They may become angry or afraid. I will deal with the one that reacts in fear. This is true, especially with a child that is abused. This child who knows nothing about life except what is in front of them learns to live their life in fear, trying to avoid anything that will hurt them. Through the years this fear becomes magnified and they live their life with a handicap. Daily, they they try to avoid any possible hurt, physical, mental, and emotional. It is almost as they walk hiding behind a shield, never experiencing the fullness of life. Needless to say, they have no self esteem. They perceive themselves to be worthless. Normal every day tasks can be quite threatening. At this point they are not merely procrastinating, they are "avoiding" because of a perceived fear attached to that task. The fear may very well be in their subconscious and it may be very subtle.

However, somewhere along the line there is trauma associated with it. It may be such a simple task that family members cannot fathom what the problem would be. Yet, there is a problem. There is a reason, and I ask all family members and friends to take this under consideration. If there wasn't a reason, why, looking at normal human behavior, would someone work so hard at avoiding a task. Why would they put up with the pressure from others to finish this task? This avoidance and the repercussions therefrom take an enormous amount of energy. This pressure can turn into jokes, and the person being downright ridiculed. Of course, all this adds to their sense of worthlessness. Why would someone react in this way if there isn't something unpleasant or fearful attached to that task? The procrastinating condition can lead to other emotional conditions, such as panic/anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, eating disorders, and many other disorders that are out there. These all stem from the feelings of worthlessness. The above mentioned conditions are not mental diseases, they are emotional diseases. Many, with medication and therapy can overcome these illnesses. However, some overcome them to a point but still live in a handicapped fashion. They are able to go through life on their terms, never realizing their full potential. Some have understanding and supportive family members and partners. Unfortunately some do not. These are the ones that must take the bull by the horns and take the responsibility for getting well. These are the ones that must rise up and realize that within them is a child that hurts, a child suffering that they must care for. These are the ones that before getting better may lose everyone in their lives, sometimes including their families. And these are the ones that at the end will emerge victorious, being positive, compassionate people who now have new and wonderful positive relationships. They have created a new life. This is not an easy road. It is a very long, hard road, sometimes taking years. They are undergoing a new birth. Sometimes before reaching the light of day, we must undergo those labor pains.

I will give you an example of the height of procrastination. I write this article on March 4, 2007. My mother passed away on July 29, 2005. To date, I have not gone through her things. This is avoidance to the max. I think about it, shudder and go on. Of course, mom lived with me and I have all of her things in the guest room closet. And then, I was an only child, so I don't have any siblings down my back. One day I will accomplish this task, at the right time.

Now, to the ones who suffer from chronic procrastination, here are some guidelines for you.

So, some aren't the most organized, so what? Why this condition causes guilt, shame, and loss of our self esteem, stems from thought patterns of how everything should work in this society of ours. Those thoughts are the voices of our mothers, our fathers, and others telling us what is the right way and how we should do things. Try to catch yourself when feeling unworthy and realize this. Right now, take time out and love yourself. Accept yourself for exactly who you are. Nobody is perfect, and that includes those who perceive themselves to be perfect.

Because a person is disorganized and procrastinates does not make them bad. We are all different and it is this difference that makes the world go round.

I remember while my mom was living with me, one day she became angry because I wasn't doing something as she would do it. I merely looked at her and replied. Look Mom, you have tried to instill this in me since I was very little. I am now 54 years old. It did not work. Accept it and give it up. And then I was thinking to myself. Besides, you're in my house now. Tee hee.

I again say, chronic procrastination is some kind of a disorder, there is something behind it and I am not sure what, even for myself. It is something that we must work at but with love for ourselves. Our adult loves and protects that child. There is a reason our child is procrastinating to the 'ength degree, maybe won't face things, avoids things. Even if the matter may seem silly to someone else, there is something there. Our adult needs to love and protect that child. Ask the child what is the matter. And one day the child will give an answer.

When doing a task that you would normally avoid, see how you can get around the avoidance. Can you make the task into a game? Can you make it into a pleasant job? How about rewarding yourself? Getting a pretty plant, going out to eat with a friend, buying something or going somewhere special? However, never force yourself. If you need to force yourself, and it is causing great despair, see if you can get to the bottom of it, the why, and attempt the task when feeling better, such as when in a very good mood, feeling relaxed, something great happened, or it is just not a big deal today.

And don't ever let anyone brow beat you or talk down to you. That is just one person's opinion. It is not the truth. The truth is that we are all children of God living in this world, walking our own paths and learning our own lessons. Nicely and with love tell them that you are doing the best you can with what you have on your plate.

Chronic procrastination can be severe enough that one may need to see a doctor, or a counselor. Please do, as there is an underlying cause behind it. Once the cause is fixed, the condition will go away.

©Luella May 2007

Luella May and John Elliott owners of: http://thecorner4women.com, http://DipetaneSoutheast.com, http://health-center.thecorner4women.com