Problems in Getting the Sex Life You Want and Deserve - Starting With C

Whether heterosexual, homosexual, or somewhere in the middle we all want to improve our sex life. Who wants to be alone? We can’t offer you an article, magic pill, perfume, potion, or pick-up line that will automatically send you and your intended partner to the bedroom. However, I really do believe that you can perk up your sex life whoever you are. We present a double series of articles for the letter C.

This article focuses on the problems and pitfalls that prevent you from improving your sex life. Another series focuses on what you should be doing. Both our "negative" and "positive" suggestions will help you get what you want.

C is for control. This is a big one. One of the worst things in a relationship is being a control freak. You know the kind, everything has to be done his or her way. If that’s your modus operandi, learn to cut a little slack. The world won’t collapse if dinner or even sex is ten minutes late. If you want to fill your stomach early what about taking a more active part in preparing the meal? Oh, you say that you just got home from work; in that case what about getting things started the night before? Needless to say, with control freaks the real issue is the act of being the boss, and the dinner or other bone of contention itself is quite secondary. Of course control freaks are a pain in bed, sometimes quite literally. Everything has to be done their way. So much for spontaneity. One the great aspects of sex is letting the activities take their course. Turn each other on, and see what happens. And don’t let control issues get in the way.

C is for capitulate. This is the flip side of control, and is also a no-no. Sure it’s good to compromise. But capitulation is not compromise. Totally giving in to your partner’s demands is no good for the relationship, or even the sex act itself. If you are doing something that’s really contrary to what pleases you, you’re unlikely to enjoy yourself. And unless your partner is a control freak or totally insensitive, he or she should pick up on the problem and also be unsatisfied. Stand your ground. It’s important.

C is for compete. Sex is supposed to be an example of cooperation, many would say the supreme example of cooperation between (occasionally among) consenting adults. Don’t compete with your partner in bed. Another form of competition best avoided is the locker-room conversation, with participants asserting that they are the greatest lover, often in numeric terms. Kiss and tell might not be so bad, but adult locker-room conversations rarely involve kissing.

Are you tired of all this negativity? Take a look at our companion series that accentuates the positive.