Problems in Getting the Sex Life You Want and Deserve - Launching a Series

All of us, heterosexual, homosexuals, and others want to improve our sex life. Almost all feel that we should be "doing" more, "doing" better, or both. If everyone wants more, what’s the problem? If you want to improve your sex life, you will have to work on it. There is no article, magic pill, perfume, potion, or pick-up line that will automatically send you and your intended partner to the bedroom. But I really do think that you perk up your sex life whoever you are. Getting what you want is partly common sense, partly putting yourself in the other person’s shoes before putting…, and just a bit more as explained in our articles.

We are writing a series of articles that focus on the problems and pitfalls that prevent you from improving your sex life. Another series focuses on what to do. Both "negative" and "positive" suggestions will help you get what you want.

A is for absence. (You may have noticed that our "negative" relationship articles started with absence as well.) Absence is so, so important. If you are only there for "that", you may soon have to look elsewhere for "that." Stick around if you can. Spend the night when possible. There is nothing like a morning-after breakfast, which sometimes leads to another round. But remember, there’s a lot more to sex than the act itself. Share a joke or a cute little story afterwards. You may be asked to return. If you don’t want to return, perhaps things didn’t go as well as they might. (A second round could help.) But if you never want to return, I think you may have some serious problems and I know you are missing out on an important part of sexual relationships.

A is for ashamed. This is a real no-no. Don’t be ashamed that you like sex. Don’t make your prospective partner ashamed that he or she likes sex. Don’t be ashamed of this person. If you feel that way, he or she is sure to catch on and then its no go. You don’t have to pretend that you’re dealing with an Einstein. (Are you one yourself?) And obviously nobody’s talking about Mother Theresa. But potential partners should know that there’s something you appreciate about them besides a roll in the hay. When you think about it, if you are ashamed about them perhaps you are ashamed about yourself. And that can’t be good.

A is for aggression. Now frankly, a bit of aggression is good. As a guy I was always happy when a woman started the conversation. To me this meant avoiding the unfortunate situation when my expression of interest was rebuffed with a statement meaning "I didn’t come here to meet anyone," or even worse, "I didn’t come here to meet you." So a bit of aggression is fine, it lets someone know that he or she may be in the game. When you think about it, what more do you want for starters? But too much aggression stinks. One may rightly assume that someone who starts out swinging will be very unpleasant, perhaps in quick order. Cool it. Show people that you have been socialized beyond the elementary-school level. Get out of the kiddy playground if you want to get into the adult playground.

Are you tired of all this negativity? Take a look at our companion series that accentuates the positive.