Premarital Counseling

A stable marriage requires a healthy relationship between the husband and wife. However, maintaining a healthy relationship is not easy and calls for efforts from both partners. With the kind of lifestyle we are all leading, adjustment and cooperation seems to be a rare quality. The lack of commitment spearheads divorces. So what can be done to slow down the already dwindling marriage rates.

To help men and women with their marriages, various centers have opened up, wherein, counselors help couples identify the strengths and weaknesses of their relationship. During the session couples discuss issues such as social activities, financial management, beliefs, anger management, likes and dislikes, relationships, parenting, etc.

The counselor guides the couple regarding different ways to solve issues than can shake the foundation of marriage. Moreover, the counselor will explain how every person has certain values, beliefs and expectations and it's not necessary that your expectations and values match those of your partners. This difference may result in conflicts disturbing the relationship between a couple. Thus, counseling helps by making one understand the expectations of one's partner before marriage, thereby, minimizing the gaps in communication and understanding before marriage.

Often, people jump into marriage assuming that after marriage their emotional, sexual, social and sometimes financial needs will be taken care of. However, if the person does not get what he or she expects from his or her spouse, chaos is created in marriage. Conflicts arise, which lead to hatred and then divorce. This is why pre-marriage counseling is important. During these counseling sessions, couples are made aware of the probable causes of conflicts and their solutions.

Benefits of Premarital Counseling

One of the tools used by the counselors during counseling is called couples resource map, wherein the counselor identifies the degree of resources and support available to the couple. There are various categories included in the map, such as, information about partner, stress management skills, goals, values, relationship skills, etc. The couple fills individual maps, with details of different resources available and support system. On sharing the individual maps, it helps the couple evaluate their partner's viewpoint as well. This resource map serves as an excellent intervention tool. Once this is done, couples are encouraged to come up with a combined map, thus making them understand the significance of recognizing the resources helpful, in case any issues arise in future. This map helps the counselor identify the expectations of each partner from the available resources. Counselor identifies the areas where high degree of support is sought after, followed by identifying the support resources most helpful while finding a remedy to a particular problem.

Preparing for Counseling

Preparing for marriage involves much more than merely arranging for a wedding party or shopping for the wedding dress. It involves understanding the implications of entering a lifetime covenant. Couples need to look for a family therapist and schedule an appointment. It's always advised to get counseled by a licensed AAMFT or American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy counselor. Counselors usually hold a bachelor's or master's degree in counseling, coupled with experience. You may want to schedule an appointment with a therapist recommended by your friends and family, based on their positive feedback.

During pre-marriage counseling, a therapist may seek information regarding overall planning after marriage, relationships and financial information. To help you get a better idea, here are a few sample questions, that can be asked during a counseling session. The actual questionnaire contains more questions, related to the particular category, however, the gist of the questions will be similar to the list below.

Questions on Planning After Marriage

• How much time would you spend with your family daily?
• How do you plan to distribute domestic work between the two of you?
• Have you prepared a budget for after the marriage?

Questions on Relationship

• Do you feel happy when you spend time with your partner?
• Are you willing to sign a prenuptial agreement?
• Any behavioral change you expect from your partner?
• Do you think you can maintain a sound sexual and emotional relationship with your partner?

Questions on Financial Information

• Are you in any kind of debt? How have you planned to repay it?
• Are you medically insured?
• Have you made any investments?

This was just a snapshot of how a premarital counseling process is carried out and it's importance. I hope this article has helped understand what it is all about!