Pre-Marriage Counseling

When starting out, most couples hope that their marriage will last a lifetime. However, a little into the marriage and the rose colored glasses come off, leaving them with the realization that they are not well suited or that they weren't ready to get married. Pre-marriage counseling can help bring a couple to these realizations before they take this life altering step. However, an equally important function of pre-marriage counseling is to prepare couples with how to deal with the changes their relationship might undergo as well as how to have a healthy long-lasting marriage.

It is mandatory for Christian couples to undergo counseling before marriage, sometimes called a marriage preparation course, conducted by Christian counselors before they get married. All non-Christian couples who want to go through counseling before getting married can approach licensed counselors. Couples often wonder if they need counseling, especially if they have a seemingly perfect relationship. The fact is, that pre-marriage counseling is good for every couple. Some, such as those having unresolved issues regarding money, parenting, household responsibilities, work or sex, need it more than others. Contrary to popular belief, both young couples who are getting married for the first time, as well as those who have had a previously failed marriage, will benefit from this counseling. Certain couples, where one person was a 'commitment phobic' or where either has suffered domestic or childhood abuse, especially need the extra help. Even the inability to resolve fights civilly needs to be addressed and solved before the wedding.

While a different approach is adopted by every counselor, there are some subjects they most are likely to touch upon. The two chief concerns that must be discussed are finances and children. Though it may come as a surprise, these obvious subjects are often not broached by the couple. Money and finances can easily become a sore point in a marriage, if issues arising from them are not continually addressed. It is one of the top reasons for divorces. In a majority of couples, the usual complaints range from one individuals irresponsible spending habits, to another person being tightfisted. Most councilors agree that the real issue here is control. During pre-marriage counseling, a counselor teaches a couple how to share finances and jointly take financial decisions.

The other important issue, is that of children. This concern is not restricted to 'how many', but includes when each person wants to have the first child, and how they perceive the ensuing responsibilities will be carried out. Most people raise their children the way they were raised, and fall into the roles their parents played. Pre-marriage counseling is the perfect time to clarify each persons views on raising a child as well as bringing the couple to a consensus. The couple need to discuss, how they will budget for this added expense, who will stay home and care for the kids, as well as how the disciplining will be done. Also, it is very important for each partner to understand what role and responsibility the other expects from them. If the marriage is a second one for either, and there are children from a previous marriage, then it is very important for them to understand how to properly entwine the new family with the old.

Apart from these concerns, there are a multitude of other aspects that go into a successful marriage. Pre-marriage counseling will address a couples relationship history and existing issues. It will also equip them with tools that will help them deal with challenges that marriage will bring. A marriage counselor will help a couple express the fears they have, as well as the dreams they have for their marriage and life. They should also talk about the changes they anticipate in each other and their relationship after the wedding. A counselor has an important role to play here, in clearing misconceptions and giving them an honest realistic point of view. They also need to discuss the involvement of extended family and in-laws in their lives. Issues likely to crop up after the marriage, such as household responsibility, time management, sex and monogamy need to be addressed. They need to understand the others temperament well. A counselor will also guide the couple on how to avoid pitfalls such as demeaning remarks, condescension and comparisons.

A marriage preparation course can equip a couple with tools, such as understanding, positive affirmation, building and nurturing fondness, communicating effectively, conflict-resolution, how to build trust and openness, and how to enhance emotional and physical intimacy, that will help them build a life together.