Please Just Try

I sit here and I think of you
All I want to do is cry
But I can’t.
I don’t want people to know I’m sad
I’ll talk to you and pretend to be fine.
I know how you are when you know I’m sad.
I just want you to be happy.
So I will just hold it all in
Until I finally crack.
If I act like I’m fine
Then maybe I will be.
I don’t want you or anyone else to suffer because of my pain.
I want everyone to be happy.
Just like they think I always am.
Why let the ones I love know I have finally cracked?!
That nothing can bring me back,
It will never be okay again.
If only I wasn’t so scared to believe you or scared of getting closer
I want to believe you….
Sometimes I do
But it’s hard to believe or trust anyone when you have been hurt as many times as I have
I do love you
And I’m sorry for whatever I have done to make you doubt that.
I wish it was all okay.
I wish I didn’t have to hurt.
Please don’t let how I am or what I do affect you.
I don’t want you to be sad or mad because of me.
I don’t want you to hurt yourself because I did.
I just want you to be happy.
I realize that with everything going on in your life it’s hard…
But please just try.