Passive-Aggressive Behavior

People with passive-aggressive behavior seem to agree with the needs of others, and may also appear excited to fulfill them, but while carrying out, they may work against it or not perform in a proper manner. Interactions with them can leave you emotionally drained, dejected and distressed. Their behavioral attributes are confusing, and can damage your confidence and self-esteem. They don't express their anger and resentment verbally and hence, have a non-verbal behavior. Sometimes, you won't realize; when passive-aggressive behavior has over-powdered you and altered your personality and actions. You might cry, feel depressed, lonely, yell and be out of control.

A person with this behavior may have excuses, justifications and reasons to explain why things are going wrong. Sometimes, they may be aware of what they are doing, and next time they may not be. Talking behind the back of a co-worker in a harmful way, like gossiping or exaggerating the flaws of your partner (behind his or her back) to your friends, while maintaining sweetness towards your partner are some examples of this behavior.

Signs and Symptoms
The common characteristics observed in people with passive-aggressive behavior are:

• Contradictory and inconsistent behavior
• Feeling of resentment towards others
• Intentional avoidance of responsibility like, procrastination, deliberate inefficiency, forgetfulness, etcStubbornness
• Argumentative, sulky, and hostile, especially towards authoritative figures
• Unexpressed anger or hostility
• Sullenness and irritability
• Chronically impatient

Characteristics of Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Passive-aggressive behavior is one of the most disturbing, distracting and unpleasant personality types. The only way to recognize a person having this behavior is to observe his/her attitude or actions. Such a person fears intimacy, and so will pick up fights with their loved ones for no obvious reasons just to maintain distance. The main aspects of passive aggressive behavior are, isolating or rejecting you without any valid reasons, forgetting deadlines and anniversaries, not letting you express your feelings, unexpected anger attacks, passing sarcastic comments, offer condescending opinions, blaming you for their own shortcomings, stopping you from getting your parents or friends support, being sensitive and caring one minute and hostile and resentful the next moment.

Causes of Passive-aggressive Behavior
Passive-aggressive behavior is a personality disorder and a combination of genetic and environmental factors. The main reason of passive-aggressive behavior is the inability of a person to express resentment in a healthy manner, which is acceptable by everyone. They believe that expressing their anger through this behavior is morally favorable than direct opposition. People may get annoyed with their inefficiency, forgetfulness and offensive behavior. It is observed that, passive-aggressive behavior develops during childhood. A child adopts this behavior especially, when parents exercise too much control on him and do not allow to express himself. For example, if a child disagrees with his parents and is punished severely for that, he will learn to substitute active resistance with passive resistance, and gradually become passively rebelling. When a child grows in a dogmatic and dominating atmosphere, he develops a poor self-esteem and losses his self-control. For him, growing in an emotional, encouraging and loving atmosphere seems impossible and this distorts his self-confidence.

Dealing with Passive-aggressive Behavior
Coping with passive-aggressive behavior, whether with a friend, spouse, colleague or employee, has its share of obstacles and frustration. While dealing with them, you shouldn't appear as an opponent, as it will lead to undesired results. Don't make them feel that they are mentally sick or abnormal; they are wounded and need some healing. Whenever you explain them about their behavior, be assertive and clear. Be a good listener and acknowledge their complaints and offenses that have merits. Never argue with them even if you have a different viewpoint, rather communicate with an attitude of finding a solution. If you are angry or upset with them, let them know and don't be vague or non assertive in your approach. Have a positive attitude and praise them whenever they perform well. Avoid anger and criticism, as it can be interpreted as a proof of your abuse towards them, and will justify their position of innocent scapegoat; so sometimes it's better to maintain distance. They can also be suggested to seek counseling or any therapeutic help for their behavior.

Individuals with passive-aggressive behavior suffer from insecurity, complacency, resentment and fear. To recognize and change their behavior is a personal challenge, which may take time, effort and patience.