Parenting: How to Stop your Children (teenagers) from Doing What You Did

"But mom, you smoked when you were my age, how come I can't?" "You and Dad had sex before you got married, why can't I?" We all know that the whole "do as I say and not as I do thing doesn't work." What about "don't start doing what I used to do?" There is a bit of a difference between being a hypocrite and trying to protect your children from a poor or regrettable experience from your own childhood or teenage years. Can you really be considered a hypocrite if you have learned from your past and are no longer doing what you used to do?

By definition, hypocrisy is the practice of claiming to have moral standards of beliefs to which one's own behavior does not conform. You cannot be accurately labeled a hypocrite if the following is true:

You are honest about your actions in the past, and no longer act against the standard that you set. Even if you once committed a terrible sin, or did something foolish that you wish you could take back, you cannot be labeled a hypocrite because you are not trying to claim that you are perfect and have never been there.

Honesty can truly go a long way. If you don't lie about who you are and what you have done, your credibility will be much higher than if you try to conceal what you once did or pass judgment on others as if you are better than them. Your openness about your experience with your children can bring you closer together. They will be more likely to hear you out if you talk to them on their level instead of just forbidding them to do what you once did.

Tell your children what you learned from the experience. Be honest about your regrets, and lovingly explain to them your fears about them following in those particular footsteps of yours. Discuss what your alternatives where, and give them the opportunity to see for themselves that copying your course of action is not necessarily the best decision for them. You might be surprised, some teenagers will consider your regrets and decide on a course of action that puts them in a better position than you put yourself in back in the day.

If you find yourself in a spot and are still doing things that you don't want your kids to do, there is a big decision to make. Are you going to set the example and quit doing what you are doing? Will you just keep warning about how terrible it is and try to get your teenager to believe you? Pretending to quit and hiding it will come back to haunt you, so don't do that.

The best thing to do is obviously correct your actions and set the example. If you really love your kids and you think that they would be making a huge mistake in copying what you are doing, cut it out! Of course, these things are easier said than done, but if you both have the same habits, you can agree to work together on improving. Hold each other accountable and it will bring you closer. You can better yourself and your children at the same time.

No, "do as I say and not as I do" won't work, but "don't do what I used to do," just might work.