Paranoid

I wonder if I left, would you have chased me?
I wonder if I never cut, would you have even cared?
No matter how much time has gone by,
I find myself looking at the back of every car to see if it's you.
To see that sticker.

I don't want to stare anymore.
I don't want to remember your look when you saw how deep I cut.
I don't want to remember your smell.
I want you to leave me alone, get out of my head.
You told my sister that you said hi.

Why would you say hi to me,
When all I did was "obsess" over you.
I admitted to having feelings for you,
But nothing more than a crush.
I find out I'm not one to break relationships.

I'm not worth anybody's time, stress, mind.
I don't need you.
It's been a whole year since I have seen you.
I got permission to send you an email thanking you.
I want to personally thank you for making me hate myself.

For making my life miserable.
And ruin every other relationship.
For making me a person I never wanted to be.
But I still wonder when you say I matter, were you lying?
Why can't you just be a man and say it was all a lie?

I'm sure it would make things easier.
I still cry.
I spent hours trying to explain why I'm so bothered,
But I can't seem to get them to understand exactly what I'm talking about.
I'm tired of this.
I'm ending this.