Overcoming Sex Addiction - where to begin

How and why sex addiction can be overcome.


Of all the addictions, sex addiction is the most difficult to overcome. It is not the most severe addiction. Addictive use of alcohol, drugs, and psychological medication are much more damaging. What makes overcoming sex addiction so difficult is that it is not just an addiction problem. It is also a symptom of intimacy issues involving one's most personal and complex feelings. Because the feelings are so personal and complex, overcoming it can bring a lifetime of reward, if it is approached correctly.

Sex addiction is unique


The three most prevalent sex addictions are masturbation addiction, pornography addiction and promiscuity. Each needs to be approached as a separate problem with its own unique nature. The most widely used approach to overcoming sex addiction, the 12-step program, fails miserably because it is a carbon copy of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). The AA program is what it says it is: a program for alcohol. From the perspective of addiction, all alcohol, whether it is beer, wine, or hard liquor is the same. All sex addictions are not the same. A masturbation pornography addiction is not the same as promiscuity. Developing a fetish is not the same as becoming a voyeur, although a person might have both problems. A man cheating on his wife does not have the same problem as the sexually addicted person who avoids relationships.

The first lesson to learn about overcoming sex addiction is that it requires an approach that addresses the misuse of one's natural sex drive, not the misuse of alcohol.

It's an adult problem


Sex addiction is a symptom of adult intimacy problems. Conventional licensed therapy, the other widely used approach, proposes that you focus on the traumas of childhood to overcome the problems you develop as an adult. One of the worst childhood traumas is being sexually abused. Does one's personality development come to a halt if as a child, he or she is molested? It is a fact as obvious as the changes in one's body from infancy to old age that people make new choices throughout life. Although the mainstream media ignores them, there are plenty of people sexually abused as children who did not become sexually addicted. Many of them went on to build excellent marriages. From my observations based on helping couples and individuals overcome sex addiction since 1983, most sexually addicted people were never sexually abused. Clearly, childhood trauma does not cause sex addiction.

Take a free will perspective


There are many forms of intimacy such as: intimacy between parent and child, between friends, neighbors, business associates, etc. Adult sexual intimacy is not about parenting or being a good friend or a trustworthy business associate. Adult intimacy is about romance. You don't romance your parents. But some people believe that their lousy parents caused their sex addiction. What about all the kids who come out of lousy homes and build good marriages anyway? If you want to argue that your parents caused you to become sexually addicted, you're also going to have to argue that lousy parents cause good marriages. Sex addiction, like a good marriage, is caused by one's own choices, not Mom and Dad.

Don't approach sex addiction as something Mom and Dad did to you. Approach it as a result of mistaken choices you're making that you can change.

Free will alone cannot overcome sex addiction. Free will, to be effective, must be guided by knowledge. The combination of free will and knowledge can accomplish almost anything. It can certainly overcome sexual addictions.

For more information on how to overcome sex addiction, visit, SexualControl.com

Author

Joe Zychik is the author of "The Most Personal Addiction, How I overcame sex addiction and how anyone can." He overcame sex addiction in 1982. Since 1983 he has been helping others break free of sexual addictions including masturbation addiction, pornography addiction, infidelity and promiscuity.

By Joe Zychik
Published: 5/23/2007

 
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