Opinion-itis: What do YOU think I should think?

Ever noticed how some people seem to be allergic to having their own opinion?
I call this condition Opinion-itis.

We see it in families, friendships, the work place, schools, the media, sporting clubs, political parties... pretty much everywhere.
Well maybe they do have an opinion, but for whatever reason... they don't or won't share it.

Sure, there are times to share and times not to share an opinion.
And yes, we need to exercise wisdom, timing and care with how and when we express our thoughts and ideas, but there comes a point (you've been there) when we have to speak our mind no matter how comfortable, easy, convenient or popular that opinion will be.
If we don't, we start to lose our identity, our individuality; us.
We continue to be a pawn in someone else's game.
A 'yes' man.
Woman.

They say it's nice to be nice... well sometimes it's stupid.
Sometimes it's destructive.
Sometimes it's better to be honest.
Not rude, argumentative, critical or offensive... just honest.
Constructive not destructive.
There are ways of sharing an opinion (even if it's not one the receiver wants to hear) without being insulting or creating World War 3.
A little short-term pain for some long-term gain.

So who are these seemingly opinion-less people?
1. People who want to keep the peace... "I don't wanna make waves"
2. People who are intimidated by someone else - parent, spouse, boss, coach and are too afraid to share their thoughts.
3. People who have 'learned' that having an opinion or independent thought is a waste of time - not something which will be respected or considered.
4. People whose desire to be liked and accepted is greater than their desire to be heard and respected.
5. People who feel it's not in their best short-term interest to tell the other person what they really think... telling your boss he's a tool (for example) may not always be a great strategy!

What are the long term consequences of not expressing your opinion?
1. Frustration, misery, sadness, resentment, anger.
2. A loss of identity.
3. An existence of compromise.
4. Unfulfilled potential.
5. Unhealthy relationships.
6. Constant mis-communication.

One of my biggest challenges as a speaker, writer and coach has been overcoming an inbuilt desire that I've had since I was a kid to 'please everyone' (an impossible notion).
I always knew that it was stupid but I tried nonetheless until I was nearly thirty.
Sad really.
Didn't work.
Please learn quicker than I did.

I realised pretty early in my speaking career (okay, coulda been earlier!) that I couldn't be true to myself (beliefs, values and philosophies) and keep everyone happy. So I had to accept that there would always be a percentage of people who would disagree with my thoughts and ideas and be critical of me. When I realised and truly accepted this fact, I became a better communicator and teacher because I wasn't constantly concerned about offending... I just knew I would!!
I still exercise wisdom and discernment but I won't compromise what I believe to be the truth.

Too many teachers, motivators and coaches tell people what they want to hear.
And while it might make some people feel better in the short term, it's actually a handicap in the long term because they avoid the truth.
Too many people who call themselves leaders aren't; they are insecure, attention-seeking, people pleasers.

When not to speak your mind:
When you're in the middle of an emotional, volatile situation (argument, confrontation) is not usually the best time to share your thoughts on certain matters. Sometimes good, often not. Expecting someone who's not in a place (mentally and emotionally) to listen to and genuinely consider your opinion (especially when it's something they don't wanna hear), is wishful thinking on your part.

Note: There are also situations and circumstances where it may never be 'the right time' to share your thoughts because it can only result in a negative outcome for you. Dealing with an individual who is completely unreasonable, irrational or potentially violent requires a whole different set of rules and quite often we are wise to remove ourselves from that situation or circumstance, rather than try and 'educate' someone who really doesn't care what we think.

When and how to speak your mind:
Assuming that the goal in sharing your opinion is to create positive change in a situation (not to offend someone or perpetuate an argument), it is often wise to be strategic (rather than reactive or impulsive) in terms of when, where and how you lay your cards on the table.
Blurting out something which has been bothering you for three years while you're at the family picnic may not be the wisest choice.
Planning, preparation and timing are crucial when it comes to the big stuff.

YOUR opinion is important.
If you've never been told, I'm telling you... your opinion is important.
If you don't know that, then learn it.
No, this is not feel-good, self-help fluff; this is truth.
Your opinion only becomes unimportant when you let others devalue it.
Don't let them.
This doesn't mean you'll always be right... but right or wrong, your are entitled to an opinion, just as you are entitled to apologise or change your mind when you 'learn' another truth.

Having an opinion is not necessarily about right or wrong, it's more about freedom of expression, individuality and being you... not a replica of someone else.
Too many of us live a life we didn't choose or desire because we are too afraid to speak up.

Stop being afraid.
Your opinion matters.