Old Man Schrivers And Earl The Terrorist Flying Squirrel

Have you ever had a terrorist flying squirrel?
I did. The little fella’s name was Earl
Earl was gnarly and mean
And his eyes would turn green
But his lashes and fur were long and did curl

He was our pet but we were never secure
Due to his curly lashes and fur
If Earl was a gurl
Or just a terrorist churl
But his bite was severe, that’s for sure

Earl’s clan were all hard strivers
And hated American drivers
‘Cause cousin Kristine
When only sixteen
Was "glassed" by an old man named Schrivers

Earl lived in my little cage with no door
He’d lay in there for hours and snore
It was no prison
Because it was all his’n
He could stay home or go to the store

Earl would lie there and in terrorist dreams
Hatch up such malevolent schemes
Of revenge and spite
And terror and fright
To cause American drivers to scream horrible screams

Said he, "I know what I’ll do, I’m pretty sure that
This will make those American drivers say "Drat"
I’ll hide in the tree
They’ll never see me
Then I’ll fly in their face like a bat!

They’ll swerve and they’ll screech
On the road ‘til they reach
The edge
Of the ledge
Then they’ll sail into the breach!"

So Earl scurried up in the tree
He waited there patiently
Here comes a car
It isn’t too far
So Earl flies out, yelling triumphantly

"Hey, American driver, you wanna piece of me?
I’ll show you how bad a flying squirrel can be
You "glassed" our Kristine
She was only sixteen
Now do YOU know how to fly? I guess we’ll see!"

Yes, you already know how those American drivers
Are freaked out when squirrelly terrorist strivers
Fly out in their face
It’s such a disgrace
Unless the drivers are an old man named Schrivers

Old man Schrivers had seen this terrorist trick before
Others may have pushed the brakes to the floor
And skidded over the edge
Of the terrible ledge
But old man Schrivers knew all those squirrelly tricks, and more

So instead, he stomped on the gas and Earl was last
Seen on the windshield. You might say he was "glassed"
His curly fur and his lashes
Weren’t made for crashes
And Earl looked like he’d been through a hydrogen blast!

Now, all you terrorist flying squirrels, better listen to me
Those American drivers? Better just let them be!
‘Cause those, like old Schrivers
Deal with terrorist strivers
Who hide cowardly and then fly out from the tree!