Office Politics

Chapter 1 – Welcome to Hell

The silence in the office stretched on and on apart from the buzz of the air-con which had been flicked to full speed. Karen held her breath listening to the wheezing breathing coming from over the partition which separated the main office from the reception area. Instantly the Darth Vader theme tune began to replay through her head, dum dum dum, dar dar dum, dar dar dum. She suppressed the urge to scream out loud ‘please stop breathing’ and curled her hands up into fists. As her nails dug into the center of her palms painfully she sighed deeply as she realized she would not be feeling the pain if this was after all a dream.

Karen’s eyes flickered Longley in the direction of the clock then fell away with disgust it was only 1.45pm 3hours and ten minutes before the monogamous boredom would end and she would be able to live again. She glanced at her empty tea mug and wondered if there was such a thing as to much tea.

The phone was ringing behind her and the familiar gruff voice off the receptionist murmured a polite greeting as she answered it. Karen gritted her teeth in anger.

Tanya had always been a two faced bitch since she had started in the job 4 months before. She was always sucking up to the manager who seemed to think the sun was shining out of the receptionist ass, but the rest of them knew better.

It was when the manager wasn’t around that Tanya’s true personality shone through. When the bullying personality would show its ugly head. It was only the day before that she had strutted about the office as if she owned it, clicking on lights and the air-con to full with complete disregarded to the other five people that sat in room. Many a time Karen and Sue who was the administrator who sat opposite her had looked at each other in dismay as Tanya had venomously dealt with a member of the public across the receptionist desk or made similar aggressive and unhelpful comments to a caller. None of them ever complained for the simply fact they feared her and so nothing was ever done.

Karen could hear Tanya’s quiet voice as she chatted to one of her friends on the office phone, one of the many personal calls she made each day. "Na the diets going really well, I’m gonna look after myself ya know".

Karen bit her lip to stop herself laughing out loud. The receptionist was built like a house, the clothes she wore tight and taught over mountains of rippling flesh and it was a formidable sight to behold. So far Tanya had been on the diet for six weeks and so far nothing in her appearance had changed one bit.

Karen knew that Tanya sneaked out in the afternoons to eat something more than the measly salad she bought in each day to impress her friends that she was being so good. She had heard the women’s hushed tones as she ordered a curry for her and a friend before vanishing for an hour on the excuse of filing. Seen her pawing the take-away menu of the chicken place just down the road, barely containing her drawling.

Karen wondered if Tanya was in some kind of denial, if that she didn’t realise that her friends would cotton on when she hadn’t lost any weight. She sighed but then again she doubted if anyone even Tanya’s friends would be brave enough to point this out to her.

The door to the main office swung open and Gary trotted in back from his lunch break, the permanent smell of cigarette smoke wafting about him like an unseen aura. The man was a walking ashtray unable to go without a fag for more than 30 minutes at a time. Some of the other smokers had began to cut back on there smoking breaks as Gary was always phoning them to ask if they were coming out and a few of them had got to the stage where they had decided to give up rather than carry on down the slippery path that Gary was leading them on.

"Alright?" Gary drawled as he slipped into his chair just behind where Karen worked. She pasted a fake smile on her face which didn’t reach her eyes "yeah". Gary reached out a hand and after a seconds hesitation patted Karen on the shoulder. For a moment her body went ridged and she fought back hard the urge to move away.

He didn’t seem to notice as he moved back to his desk and clicked on the computer screen.

Karen shuddered, Gary was a pervert. The man always found an excuse to touch the young female members of staff in the office and it never seemed to be a natural touch. It was always that moment of brief hesitation when you knew he had been thinking about it. Processing in his mind how far he could go that would seem natural. He had attempted to ask out every young female member of staff to but everyone had politely declined and Karen was certain that each one of them herself included would rather chew off there own arm than condemn themselves to an evening with Gary.

Karen shuddered again sensing his presents at the desk behind her. The man was a weirdo he had no people’s skills and when someone said something he didn’t understand or like he would become rude, cold and spiteful. This kind of behavior was also always directed at the women in the office when his offer was declined.

She wondered briefly if the offer had been extended to Tanya then shook her head. The women would have probably eaten Gary alive and she doubt even he was brave enough to conquer that mountain.

He seemed to be another one under a delusion of some kind seeming to think he was some kind of Brat Pitt able to pull anyone he chose.

Unfortunately the reality was slightly pitiful. Gary was only 5ft in height his limbs long and twig like, his small stature and frame allowing him only to fit in children’s clothing his mother bought for him .His face and skin aged and haggard by the excessive smoking and drinking he had done since the age of fifteen. His appearance was that of one who would guess by looking at him of a late forty something but the sad truth was he was only thirty seven.

Karen opened her desk draw and removed a tea bag and dropped in into her mug. Gathering it up she made her way past the cheerless pot plant down the drab corridor to tiny shabby kitchen which barely had enough room to swing a cat let alone accommodate the 26 people who worked in the building.

Flicking on the kettle she opened the fridge door and then swore softly under her breath. Some bastard or bastards had been taking her milk again. She picked up the container and stared at what was barely left inside. It was days like these that she wanted to bring in a shotgun and end the miserable existence of the people in the office. At the end of the day she would be doing them a favor after all.

Karen tipped the last of the milk into her cup. She had once put a note on her freshly bought container of milk. In neat black pen she had written ‘I have spat in this’ to deter anyone from using it. But still this had not helped and after little more than twenty four hours the milk had been gone.

She smiled to herself wondering perhaps if she put some kind of laxative in with the milk next time then perhaps the culprits would stop stealing it or at least she would be able to figure out who had been taking it.

As the kettle clicked off she poured the hot water into the cup and stirred vigorously with her spoon. The alien sound of a cheerful whistle made her look up from her task and she watched as Marshall passed the doorway of the kitchen. After a second he popped his head back round the door and beamed at her "ok?"

Karen smiled back; Marshall was the kind of guy who could always make you smile back. He never had a bad word about anyone and was always in a cheerful mood.

"Im bored" she sighed as she removed the teas bag from her cup.

"Come on cheer up its Thursday, soon be the weekend" Marshall gushed with a positive note. Karen nodded with a smile and watched his head disappear back round the door. She wondered how long it would take the work environment here to crush that positive ness out of him and leave him a broken man. She hoped that he would see sense and the warn signs before that time came and abandoned ship like any sane person. She was fond of Marshall and didn’t want him to end up like Brian.

Brian was 60 and had been here for 20 years now. His face furrowed with ever deepening lines of worry and concern. His hair white and his body hunched over with the many burdens and worries of the job he had accumulated throughout his work life at the office. He was never able to cope with the stress well and would sometimes be seen sitting at his desk with his face in his hands softly muttering "Oh god, oh god" to himself.

Karen like Brian to and was amazed how long he had lasted in the hell like environment of the office. Sometimes she wondered what kept him going that maybe he was one of these people who were dedicated to there job. He was always so polite and helpful and would never say no if you asked him to help out or take on more work. That was half the problem Brian didn’t seem to say no and so the work build and so did the stress levels. She had imagined once what it would be like the day Brian left. How he would bluntly tell each member of staff what he thought of them before telling the manager to stick the last of his work where the sun doesn’t shine.

Picking up the mug Karen made her way back towards the main office. She was greeted by a scowling Tanya. Karen ignored her and settled back at her desk. It was common knowledge that they didn’t get on. Tanya knew that Karen had complained about her behavior and rudeness towards the other members of staff and the receptionist had made it a vendetta to get Karen back in someway.

Karen bit her lip. Tanya was already making her life in the office a living hell and she she didn’t know how much more she could take. The secretaries who she had once gotten along with now gave her the barest of stiff greetings or ignored her completely if they could.

Karen signed deeply as depression settled over her like a well worn glove. They to were only seeing the face that Tanya showed to the manager. The poor bewildered victim who didn’t know why people had complained about her. It was so unfair but then life was unfair.

Taking a sip of tea she punched her password in unlocked her computer and looked at her emails. One new email, flashed up upon the screen and she clicked into it with no real interest.

"Almost the weekend, doing anything exciting?" Herbert’s message read. Herbert was an administrator who worked in one of the other offices and he was another cheerful soul. Although they had never met Karen was always glad of his emails that lightened an ever growing dull day or even week.

Karen envied him sometimes as the office he worked in sounded much nicer, even normal. No it was only where she worked that seemed to attract the insane, weird and down right sad like a magnet.

Cheryl one of the secretaries waddled past her desk without a backward glance. Karen made a face at her retreating back. "Tanya girl are you ok there?" Cheryl’s voice drifted from over the partition. Tanya giggled "Yes Aunty".

Karen rolled her eyes in disgust. Cheryl was indeed Tanya’s aunty and was also a walking mountain of a women. The day the receptionist had started Cheryl had let all and sundry know of there relationship. She was sure Cheryl was also one who had been gossiping about her because of the fact she had complained about her niece. They were always heard gossiping there hushed voices barely audible from the reception desk.

Karen stared at Herbert’s email and wondered briefly how to reply. "Not much and we still have one day to go" she typed. She could here the two women cackling behind her somewhere.

Grabbing the pile of papers from her in tray Karen wondered if this indeed was one of the tenth levels of hell resigned only for lawyers, ticket inspectors and office workers.

Chapter 2 – Careful what you wish for

The next morning as Karen entered the office she felt the familiar feeling of despair wash over her even though it was a Friday. The pile of fresh work awaiting her did nothing to help her already downward mood. Sitting back in her chair she chewed the end of her pencil as her computer started up and the password screen flashed up.

"Im going to put the kettle on if you’re interested alright?" Sue chirped from the other side of the desk. Karen smiled and watched as she made for the kitchen. Sue was a lovely woman who had been working at office for twenty eight years. She always tried to give a positive out look on any situation and the only thing which seemed to keep her going was the thought of retirement in 5 years time. Karen wish that escape was just as close for her.

Clicking into her emails she found the familiar ‘good morning’ greeting from Herbert and she settled back to reply. "I hate this office I wish all the people who were giving me trouble just would curl up and die!" she typed with the frustration which had been building for months and then pressed send. The moment the message vanished from her screen she regretted it. It wasn’t fair to moan and ruin poor Herbert’s day. "Don’t mind the rant I’m just tired" she typed quickly.

After about five minute with no reply she began to wonder if she had pissed him off. He probably already thought she was neurotic from the problems she had told him she was having. Karen felt a moment of disgust with herself.

Her email suddenly flashed up ‘one new email’ and quickly clicked into it. "What if I told you I could make your problems go away?" Karen frowned at Herbert’s message. What could he do? Complain to another manager for her?

"That would be fantastic, but I doubt even you complaining would make a difference" she replied.

Only after a moment the next email arrived "Which one first?" Karen frowned again. Did Herbert really think he could help her? Perhaps he was friendly with a very senior manager, as far as she was aware he was only an administrator himself but perhaps she had it wrong. She hesitated her fingers paused above the keyboard. Was he really serious? And if so how would she really feel if people got in trouble or even sacked.

Another emailed blinked up "Come on Karen humor me" Karen smiled. "Ok then Cheryl first".

Tanya’s gruff voice could be heard from behind the partition as she gave a member of the public a tongue lashing for asking directions. Karen looked through the papers on the desk as Sue came back to the desk and the boredom of the day began.

It was lunchtime that things began to happen. Tanya and Cheryl had both left for lunch there eyes glazed with the thought of the all you can eat buffet they had decided to visit. It was Karen’s turn to cover the reception desk for lunch and she sat huddled in the chair willing the phone not to ring. Clicking into the computer she idly surfed a few inter-net websites before checking her emails.

Herbert’s email was waiting for her and she opened it eagerly "One down" was all it read. Karen stared at it and wondered what it meant. Something seemed to jerk in the pit of her stomach but she ignored the sensation. "What does that mean?"

The next email blinked up "Wait and see". Karen frowned why was Herbert being so strange and why was she getting a very bad feeling.

It was twenty minutes late before the office seemed to loose its grip in reality. It was Tanya’s phone call that Karen knew something was wrong even before the women spoke.

"Put me through to the manager right" Tanya wailed in a high pitched voice. Karen was forced to hold the phone away from her ear incase her ear drum burst. Quickly she transferred the call and wondered what was going on.

It was only a five minute wait before she was to find out. The manager Marie emerged from her office her eyes rather large with what looked like shock.

"Tanya and..and Cheryl won’t be come back to work today I’m afraid, Karen your going to have to cover reception to the end of the day". Karen nodded.

"What’s happened Marie?" Sue asked in concern half rising from her chair.

"There’s been an incident at the Chinese Buffet restaurant….Cheryl collapsed while in the middle of her meal…..poor Tanya….its still quite unclear the girl was babbling" She trailed off.

It was only another fifteen minutes before they had the whole story, like every other office news and gossip travelled fast. It transpired that during the course of the meal, both women had been gorging themselves on everything they could lay there hands on. A waiter had bought over a plate of roast duck and Cheryl had eagerly ripped it off the plate before like an anaconda pretty much swallowing it whole.

It was here thing began to turn into something like out of a horror movie. Tanya had watched as her Aunt had made a strange gasping sound her face going from beetroot red to pale before her chest had exploded outwards and the women in front of her found herself covered in guts. Tanya had become hysterical and had had to be sedated when the paramedics arrived.

Karen went slowly back to the reception desk and sat down. She stared blankly at the computer screen. What had she done? She shook her head; this had to be a freak accident. Yes she felt guilty for saying what she did this morning but it wasn’t possible it was all linked was it?

She clicked into her email "Did you hear about Cheryl?" Herbert’s reply was immediate "Yes Karen I was there".

Karen re-read the message and paused, a joke was a joke but he was going too far. "Ok if you were there how did you do it?"

"Small explosive device in the roast duck, I hadn’t anticipated her to eat it as quickly as she did but it was effective".

Something in the pit of Karen’s stomach squirmed and she didn’t know what to do. As another of Herbert’s emails blinked up she hesitated for a moment with the thought of deleting it but with some kind of sick fascination she had to know what it said. " Don’t be upset with me Karen, these people are making your life a misery and making you head for a nervous breakdown I’m only doing what’s best for you these people don’t deserve to live".

Karen felt a moment of light headness as her mouth went dry, she bit her lip. She still couldn’t get around the fact that Herbert had some how killed Cheryl it was like some waking nightmare. But then again was it? There would be no more gossiping about her, no more stirring with Cheryl out of the way work life could be a whole lot better for her. "Will any of this lead back to you……or me".

"No" was Herbert’s reply " I’m very good at what I do Karen its my job to make problems go away". Karen wasn’t exactly going to miss Cheryl hell she wouldn’t miss Tanya or Gary if………

The next email was already waiting for her as her eyes focused back on the screen.

" Come on Karen lets finish this, let me make it all go away".

She didn’t know what to do. On one side she could be happy at work again, like it was before all difficult people began but then again it was peoples lives. But then none of them cared about what they did to her! How unhappy she was because of them how she felt stressed all the time.

Karen made a decision, a decision she found was surprisingly easy to live with once she had made it. " Ok Herbert finish it" she pressed send and then sat back. For five minutes she sat with bated breath waiting for something to happen. As if like some action film explosion would go off in the office and a Johnny Depp look alike would come to her rescue. But still nothing happened.

Karen shook herself mentally of course theses thing would take time, he would need to plan his next move to bide his time. Strangely she felt excited like a kid waiting for a surprise, there was no remorse, no regret just a rising of her spirits.

It was well into the end of two weeks when things began to happen again. Karen and Herbert had been exchanging brief emails about nothing in particular like it had been before the demise of Cheryl. Things in the office had quickly restored themselves to brain numbing normality. She was convinced by the end of two weeks that no one would remember who Cheryl had been if Tanya was not there to remind them. The receptionist had returned to work on Tuesday morning. Her eyes puffy and red her black her bedragled about her face. Occasionally she could be heard wailing from behind the partition muttering her auntys name. Karen had almost felt sorry for her until she had been on the receiving end of a very curt telling off regarding faxes and papers that were to do with her department.

It was Sue who had told her later on that Tanya hadn’t been happy when the Manager had asked her to return to work. Pleading that she hadn’t had enough time to mourn the death of her beloved Aunt. But it had been the manager who had seen the grieving Tanya during a lunch break clothes shopping as if there was no tomorrow. She had then been observed out in a local bar the same evening with a rowdy group of friends celebrating. She resented the fact she was back and she was determined that everyone except the manager was going to know it and so she was sulking.

It was an hour and half before home time and Tanya had informed Karen she was to cover reception. Karen knew Tanya was headed for the disabled toilets which was the only one big enough to accommodated her bulky frame comfortably. A glamour magazine tucked securely under her large sweaty arm pit ready to vanish for a good 45 minutes as she always did. Karen sat staring bleak out of the window wishing it was already five o’clock. Idly she clicked into her emails and saw one from Herbert

"Are you ready?".

Karen held her breath he was going to do it again! Nervously she glanced out off the window to where Gary was outside having a smoke and then quickly looked away. She had to act natural, keep her cool, looked surprised if something happened.

It was just as she was thinking this that a deep rumbled seemed to emanate deep from within the building and the reception desk shook briefly. For a moment she sat unmoving but as others in the office rushed in the direction of the rumble she could no longer contain her curiosity.

It didn’t take them long to find the cause of the disturbance mainly from the water which was gushing unchecked from the disabled toilets and down the main corridor. Karen pushed her way through the small crowd which had gathered in the dingy hall way and stopped dead as she couldn’t believe her eyes. The door to the toilets had been ripped from its hinges and lay disgarded and bent out of shape againsts the wall. Water was flowing from the doorway like a growing river, spewing the contents of pipes along the carpet. The odd pipe jutted outwards each one twisted and blackened.

Tanya’s feet could be seen dangling from the roof of the room her head had disappeared completely. The walls and what could be seen of Tanya were decorated with what had been ejected back up the toilet. The stench was over whelming but Karen wanted to see it all.

It was a shock to all when Tanya’s leg’s began to move weakly and her voice could be heard high pitch and squealing from the floorboards above. Karen felt a moment of disappointment. Herbert had failed.

It took the paramedics 45mins to maneuver the receptionist out of the situation she had found herself in. The Manager Marie had insisted that Sue and Karen stand and spray air fresher down the hallway more concerned with the state of the corridor than the unlucky receptionist. Finally the paramedics had managed to get Tanya into the ambulance having her walk rather than on the stretcher as her bulk had been too wide to fit safely on.

Karen got back to her desk "You failed she’s still alive" she typed disappointment rising to the surface again. "I hadn’t expected the final result, she’s obviously heavier than I anticipated but don’t worry she won’t get away next time".

Karen smiled to herself it was sick but she was actually enjoying seeing the bullies about her fall. As she remembered an image of Tanya dangling from the roof she giggled out loud.