Of Stars, Fortresses and You

I have caught a thousand stars
And I've built a fortress
Around me; Indeed, I have.

I have passed through hell,
And I've known heaven --
I survived both; I am here.
I have seen too much; loved
Too deeply; Probably, I won't be free.

Yet I knew you, so there's more.
More stars. More fortresses.
More hell. More heaven.
Probably.

How can I be free?
From your touch, from your smile,
From the bittersweet awareness
Of having you near me.
You haunt my dreams,
Invade my thoughts,
Pierce my sanctuary.

You taught me fear --
Fear of me. Of the emptiness
Of the warmth from my stars.
The weakness of the fortress
I've trusted to keep me safe.

Yes, I fear you.

You have freed the stars
From my grasp and bore
A hole through my fortress --
Shall I let you in?
You can give me hell
Or heaven -- I do not know.
You can be loved by me,
I can be loved by you,
And that scares me so.

A thousand stars, a fortress
Of unknown dreams,
Of broken promises.
Wine for a drunk, bittersweet.
You for me, oblivious slip.

It is all a game,
And I have lost --
To gain victory?

Probably. Probably not.
I could ask my stars,
Or look out from my fortress.
If only, they were still here.