Of Curious Thoughts and Wonderful, Wonderful Words
Open your eyes. Open your heart. To the words, oh the words, of the one who likes thoughts put to words.
A friend of a friend once told me that a person is just an accumulation of the norm and all that goes with it. From the second he said it, my mind was shouting loud protestations. Though it is true that we have shared and/or derived characteristics, it is how we look at everything that separates us from each other. Like fingerprints of every person to ever live on this earth, our point of views differ from one another. We may interpret things differently, rely on intuition, be the casual observer, or the one observed. Ah, I hit one of the most curious things I have ever encountered. If the world is really just and fair, why is it that the genetic pool bestow looks good to only a handful of people? Though it is true that it is the personality dictates who you are, it is the looks that draw you in. It is that or the world has become as shallow as a mud puddle after a rainy day.
Exhaustion strikes me whenever I think of this rhetorical question. What is it really that defines us? And here goes my mind again. One thought leads to the other, the first easier than the second, then comes the third, the fourth... until it, I eventually give up because these are dark thoughts, the type of thoughts that are not supposed to be thought of. What is it that I find myself thinking of again, you may wonder. Aging, my friends, and the never-ending process of finding the solution to that which they call a "disease".
Alchemy is one dark thing to study, a study that is based on the same sciences that I am currently studying right now. The reason why not many delve into the study is because they are incapable of coinciding science with philosophy, which when you think about it is one and the same thing. The sciences that we know today arose from the Philosophy. It is only that the scientific method answered more facts than Philosophy ever did, it bore many fruits that made those who specifically study them became cocky and sure of themselves, rendering philosophy almost useless and made as the critique of the sciences. Now what does this history of the brutal and tragic relationship of the two have to do with anything? Well, nothing when you think about it. I just want to point out to you the unfairness of it all.
Now back to aging.
Philosophers then devised a way to make a person invulnerable to aging. Some call it simply as E stone of immortality but a more appropriate term would be the "Philosopher's Stone". Some of you might have heard this as a Harry Potter book as the sorcerer's stone, or in the anime Full Metal Alchemist, or like me you just like to read random stuff on the Internet. What do you guys think? If this stone can really make someone immortal, would you bite? Would you want to live forever without dying? Do you really want to cheat time and love life that much? If you ask me, because I always have an answer for everything as you might have noticed, I am not even compelled by that fact. Personally I find the concept of forever distasteful.
Let me walk you to the wayward way I look at aging.
Aging, for me, is a process of finding, not the who but the whats and the hows. Not the who because no one really discovers who they really are. Try the example of someone creeping up on you, you get scared and ask who they are and they tell you a name - a name that is an answer to a what question. Answering the question of who is double-edged and misleading, something I am scared to ask. So the whats and the hows. Basic questions like, "What do I want? What do I do? What am I? What is the meaning of this and that? What is love?" And their follow-up questions, "How do I get what I want? How do I do it? How do I know me? How do I know the meaning of this and that? How does love feel like?"
The answer for me was silence, the comfortable one where I am in a steady companionship with myself simply because I know me. When I was more naive than I am now, I open my mouth without thinking, letting the noise fill out the awkward silences that comes to me during the most unexpected times. I used to crave for attention, acceptance from the people who were not, kind enough to give it to me, and I thank them for it because that pushed me into the direction of finding about the whats and the hows and led me to be comfortable with my own skin. I realized that the bigger problem was not with me, it was with them. I only had to make a few adjustments and be more enthusiastic about the idea of change and solitariness and I am fixed, from the insecurity of not belonging with anybody. And now, no matter how misogynistic (because they are women) this might sound, I find it amusing that they still cannot differentiate right from wrong. And being comforted by the thought of an impossibly skewed way to look at things is the best revenge I can think of.
Exhaustion strikes me whenever I think of this rhetorical question. What is it really that defines us? And here goes my mind again. One thought leads to the other, the first easier than the second, then comes the third, the fourth... until it, I eventually give up because these are dark thoughts, the type of thoughts that are not supposed to be thought of. What is it that I find myself thinking of again, you may wonder. Aging, my friends, and the never-ending process of finding the solution to that which they call a "disease".
Alchemy is one dark thing to study, a study that is based on the same sciences that I am currently studying right now. The reason why not many delve into the study is because they are incapable of coinciding science with philosophy, which when you think about it is one and the same thing. The sciences that we know today arose from the Philosophy. It is only that the scientific method answered more facts than Philosophy ever did, it bore many fruits that made those who specifically study them became cocky and sure of themselves, rendering philosophy almost useless and made as the critique of the sciences. Now what does this history of the brutal and tragic relationship of the two have to do with anything? Well, nothing when you think about it. I just want to point out to you the unfairness of it all.
Now back to aging.
Philosophers then devised a way to make a person invulnerable to aging. Some call it simply as E stone of immortality but a more appropriate term would be the "Philosopher's Stone". Some of you might have heard this as a Harry Potter book as the sorcerer's stone, or in the anime Full Metal Alchemist, or like me you just like to read random stuff on the Internet. What do you guys think? If this stone can really make someone immortal, would you bite? Would you want to live forever without dying? Do you really want to cheat time and love life that much? If you ask me, because I always have an answer for everything as you might have noticed, I am not even compelled by that fact. Personally I find the concept of forever distasteful.
Let me walk you to the wayward way I look at aging.
Aging, for me, is a process of finding, not the who but the whats and the hows. Not the who because no one really discovers who they really are. Try the example of someone creeping up on you, you get scared and ask who they are and they tell you a name - a name that is an answer to a what question. Answering the question of who is double-edged and misleading, something I am scared to ask. So the whats and the hows. Basic questions like, "What do I want? What do I do? What am I? What is the meaning of this and that? What is love?" And their follow-up questions, "How do I get what I want? How do I do it? How do I know me? How do I know the meaning of this and that? How does love feel like?"
The answer for me was silence, the comfortable one where I am in a steady companionship with myself simply because I know me. When I was more naive than I am now, I open my mouth without thinking, letting the noise fill out the awkward silences that comes to me during the most unexpected times. I used to crave for attention, acceptance from the people who were not, kind enough to give it to me, and I thank them for it because that pushed me into the direction of finding about the whats and the hows and led me to be comfortable with my own skin. I realized that the bigger problem was not with me, it was with them. I only had to make a few adjustments and be more enthusiastic about the idea of change and solitariness and I am fixed, from the insecurity of not belonging with anybody. And now, no matter how misogynistic (because they are women) this might sound, I find it amusing that they still cannot differentiate right from wrong. And being comforted by the thought of an impossibly skewed way to look at things is the best revenge I can think of.
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