Obsessive Love Disorder

"Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do, will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, will never...never forget it." - Curtis Judalet

Love is an emotion that is probably the most talked about, thought about, written about and not to forget, fantasized about thing in the world. While some would describe love as a tender and deep affection, others would associate the feelings with sexual passion and desire. In the initial phase of a relationship, there is an overwhelming and instant attraction towards the love interest which slowly moves on to become a tender, beautiful relationship based on companionship and trust. So what is it that breaks this alluring spell of romance and twists it into feelings of fixation and the obsessive love disorder?

What is Obsessive Love Disorder?

Obsessive love disorder has its foundation in the insatiable fixation of wanting to possess the target of their obsession. This would include a painful and all-consuming obsession and preoccupation with an actual or wished-for lover. This insatiable longing either to possess or be possessed by the target of their obsession, rejection by physical or emotional unavailability of their target can result in the perpetual fixation and compulsion to obtain the person they desire. In fact this previously ignored obsessive compulsive disorder has recently been recognized as a serious mental illness. Here are some characteristics that indicate obsessive love.

Signs of Obsessive Love Disorder

There are several signs which indicate the obsessive love addiction. The signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder in love include:

• Fixation with a person who they believe hold the key to their happiness and fulfillment.
• The onset of "tunnel vision". This means that a person who is relationally dependent on other cannot stop thinking about a love interest and requires constant attention by them.
• Neurotic, compulsive behaviors for instance rapid telephone calls to your lover's place of residence or workplace.
• Unfounded accusations of "cheating".
• "Drive-bys" around a love interest's home or place of employment, with the goal of assuring that the person is at where he/she "said they would be".
• Physical monitoring of the activities of your love interest, by following them throughout the course of a day to discover daily activities.
• Controlling your lover. This includes questioning the commitment to the relationship so as to manipulate a love interest into providing more attention.
• Obsessive love stalking, rape, murder and other debilitating or destructive activities.
• With deterioration of a love relationship there may be stress related disorders.
• Overwhelming feelings of depression.
• A sudden loss of self-esteem or feelings of guilt and self-hatred.
• Anger, rage and a desire to seek revenge against a love interest.
• Denial that the relationship has ended. This is usually followed by attempts to "win a loved one back" by making promises to "change".
• The use of drugs, alcohol, food or sex to mute the emotional pain.

Causes of Obsessive Love Disorder

The obsessive love may have its roots in particular childhood experiences, such as deep feelings of unworthiness during childhood which leads to this need to find and love, someone to fill up the "void". Also the way a person learns to love is conditioned during his/her childhood. For example, a child who is not shown healthy love and affection during his formative years, may go on have dysfunctional relationships later in life just to gain attention. Psychiatrists also believe that children from alcoholic families may be at a greater risk of love disorders and addiction.

Other causes of people being affected by obsessive behavior in relationships would include:

• Leisure or boredom
• Feelings of vulnerability and a perceived failure. The insecurity is fueled by the feelings of not a recognized place in the world and/or those undergoing dramatic life changes and the associated fear and lack of self-confidence.
• Ego problems or an inflated opinion of oneself.
• Feelings of being special and/or different.
• Inequality either in a social class or the level of attractiveness.

To know more about obsessive compulsive disorders read more on:

• Obsessive Thinking Disorder
• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD): Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment

Obsessive Love Treatment

Cognitive therapy, which is a type of counseling approach focused on what is happening in the "here and now" along with psychotherapy is the considered an effective obsessive love cure. Challenging and seeking the pointlessness of fantasies and irrational thoughts, by concentrating on reality checks, is believed to be an important tool in the healing process. Sometimes support groups may also help in the healing process.

The best way to move on is to break this vicious cycle of obsession and fixation with a person and to discover and address the underlying causes and psychological beliefs that support the obsessive behavior and be willing to forget the past and move on.