Not Again

I lay on my back biting hard on my lips,
Enduring the moment as my pants was ripped from my hips.
Trying hard to resist the pain by keeping my eyes tightly closed,
But I could still feel the pain from the crown of my head down to my toes.

I made my fists and started kicking with my feet,
Not wanting to scream I bit down hard on my tongue with my teeth.
"I should be used to this by now" I said to myself over and over,
What hurt me the most was to see that watching it all was my own brother.

Then another one came and the list went on and on,
I counted the minutes hoping that they all would soon be gone.
Then they laughed and made fun of me in my pain and distress,
Then they got up, packed their things and left.

Then the pain, the anger came all at the same time,
As I stood there with the blood dripping down my leg and the tears from my eyes.
My innocence, my youth, gone at just thirteen,
Then the door opened and my dad's best friend forced himself inside of me.

This time I was in too much pain, I couldn't take it so I started to scream,
But my dad walked into the room and started to beat and grabbed me.
Slapped me in my face "you're my daughter so what you have is mine,
Now stop screaming and give my best friend a good time."

So I stopped screaming and I bit my lips until they bleed,
Endure the pain while this stranger filled his needs.
Then when he was done "girl you actually seem to be good for something,
Now little slut come and suck me like if you have a care about nothing."

So I reluctantly did as he asked just wanting him to leave,
How useless I felt at the young age of 13.
No love, no care, no life of my own,
All I got is pain which hurt me to the bone.

As soon as they left I ran and locked myself in the bathroom,
Hoping that no one found me in there any time soon.
I needed to find a way to get rid of all of my pain,
I didn't have anything in mind, but I knew that I would never be raped again.

So I took a knife and did a quick slice across my wrist with it,
The pain didn't really hurt, but the sight of blood felt like bliss.
I did several bigger cuts all over my body until the blood poured,
Like if that wasn't enough, I flung open the cabinet door.

One by one I swallow the pills; it felt like so much fun,
I made sure the bottle was empty when I was done.
I was tired of my life, my dad, brother and their friends causing me so much pain,
I lay on the floor waiting for happiness, knowing that I would never b raped again.