No Texas Twang Allowed Here

If a cat may look at a queen George Bush may certainly have dinner with one. He needs to be prepped, though. Bush takes great pride in projecting himself as the peoples’ President – one of the boys. It usually works, because his down-home-at-the-ranch style is not cultivated; it’s just who he is. Most times, he gets away with it – even at White House State dinners. There was that incident last year when he was spotted at the diner table, talking to Tony Blair with half a dinner roll stuffed in his mouth – and the time he gave German Chancellor Uma Merkel a friendly shoulder rub. However, even the slightest hint of gauche behavior will be a strict no no at the forthcoming State Dinner for the Queen of England. You just cannot get away with addressing Her Majesty as ‘Hey, Queenie’.

According to White House sources, the upcoming royal bash is a very big deal. For one thing, this will be the first, and perhaps only, white tie and tails affair of the entire Bush Presidency. For another, the last time the British monarch graced the White House with her presence was way back in 1991, when Daddy was President. Daddy, incidentally, is not invited. Maybe Bush does not wish to draw unfavorable comparisons with 1991, when the United States actually won a war in Iraq. However, the elder Bush will be a guest at the return dinner hosted by the Queen at the British Embassy. Nothing George W. can do about that; except sulk.

One thing about Bush: he is not too proud to admit he perhaps does need some lessons in the finer graces. And – in an astute move – the President’s handlers have assigned that task to the one person in the world who will not take any lip from the Commander in-Chief: his wife, Laura. Of course, the First Lady has her moments of anxiety too. For example, she has to make sure her outfit does not clash with the Queen’s: no easy task since you cannot stroll into the Monarch’s room and ask her what she will be wearing.

So what pearls of etiquette wisdom are likely to be imparted? Elizabeth II is to be referred to as ‘Your Majesty’. Prince Phillip is ‘Your Royal Highness’. Definitely no first names are allowed. It is not known how the Queen will address Bush. Probably as ‘Mister President’; though I would not put it past him to give her a smirk and say, "call me George." I don’t think that will go down very well. After all, the Brits were the ones who invented protocol. Also, you do not presume to shake hands with the Monarch, unless she offers her hand first – and giving the royal personage a friendly pat on any part of her body would be the mother of all faux pas. Another lesson: when Her Majesty finishes her dinner, everybody finishes (and do not even think of asking for a doggy bag).

As for the select guest list; elegance trumps seniority or political standing. Hence, Nancy Pelosi made it; but Senate Democratic Leader, Harry Reid, did not. (He’s from Nevada: nuff said).

I can’t wait to watch the whole thing on YouTube.