New Trend at Job Fairs: "Helicopter Parenting"

By Carol Johnson

Jobs counselors at universities across the United States are becoming quite familiar with "helicopter parents." The term was coined several years ago for parents who have hovered over every moment of their children’s lives and development, from kindergarten through college. Helicopter parents used to be limited to grade school, but more and more, they are making themselves known on college campuses and at job fairs.

School officials and employers say that parents inserting themselves into their children’s lives this forcefully may be hampering some young people’s careers. "It has now reached epidemic proportions," says Michael Ellis, director of career and life education at Delaware Valley College in Doylestown, PA. Some parents are not only writing resumes for their college-age children, they are also acting as their child’s "representative," soliciting headhunters, bugging career counselors, attending job fairs, and even calling employers to ask why their son or daughter didn’t get a job.

Ellis tells of one father who accompanied his daughter to the school’s annual job fair last year. The man handed out his daughter’s resume, answered most of the questions recruiters asked her, and totally overshadowed her. Ellis says he often receives calls from parents wanting to discuss their children’s careers, only to learn later that their son or daughter was sitting right there listening as the parent asked questions that they themselves should have been asking.

Barbara Dwyer, a Sacramento career coach, spoke at a Future Farmers of America meeting. Afterward she met a mother who said her son wanted to raise sheep as a career. The mother described to Dwyer how she had done exhaustive research to learn exactly what her son needed to do to get started in the business. "I asked, ‘Why did YOU do it?’" Dwyer said. "And she looked shocked."

Kate Brooks, director of the Liberal Arts Career Center at the University of Texas, believes the trend is a dangerous one. "My main concern is the obvious need of the students to develop their independence and confidence," said Brooks. "I think it’s great that parents want to share their advice—and even better that students of this age are willing to listen—but I think the boundaries get crossed sometimes."

Many helicopter parents are offended when they discover that they are perceived that way. One mother who attended a job fair to get information from employers for her recently-graduated son brought copies of his resume to hand out. When someone referred to her as a helicopter parent, she bristled and said, "Believe me, I’m just going to hand him the bag. The rest is up to him." But with previous generations, everything was up to the graduate, with no help from parents—and sons and daughters were all the better for having to make their own way.

In today’s society parents worry that young people aren’t as motivated to work as previous generations were, so they have no choice but to go beyond just offering support and encouragement. Although some students use their parents primarily as sounding boards and ask for their advice, others become too dependent, to the point that they don’t make decisions for themselves.

"They’ve become so accustomed to having their parents take care of every aspect of their lives—and not assuming any responsibility or taking any initiative for themselves—that they expect their parents to continue to take care of things for them," said Ellis.

Eileen Tarjan, an HR specialist at NCH Marketing Services, said that she has often had the experience of making an offer to a student, only to get the reply, "Can I have the weekend to talk about it with my parents?" Tarjan wonders, "Why can’t they just say, ‘Let me think about it?’" Several of Tarjan’s colleagues have told her that parents are even calling now to discuss their children’s performance reviews. "It’s unbelievable," she said, shaking her head.