A New Armoire Can Add a Touch of Class

Besides having the snootiest name in the furniture kingdom, the armoire is, in fact, a very useful and practical piece of furniture. Ideal for both the bedroom and living areas, armoires make great use of space as they are tall and narrow, as opposed to the square footage-hogging dresser or chest of drawers who have been plopping their wide bodies in bedrooms around the world for centuries. The armoire, literally and figuratively, looks down on these lesser, distant relatives with disdain and an air of superiority. The armoire is French, after all.

Armoires can be seductively beautiful on the outside. From the traditional old-timers with their carved accents and exquisite detailing, to the sleek new kids on the block, hangin’ tough with simple, square lines and a sophisticated modern aesthetic, armoires are renowned for their looks. But to dismiss the armoire as just another pretty piece of pine would be very presumptuous. The armoire has so much more to offer.

Many armoires can accommodate up to a 32" television. For those who are still living in the dark ages and haven’t made the jump to a plasma or LCD flat panel, this is a very appealing feature (seriously though, it’s time to upgrade). Also, there are still those out there who see the television as an eyesore, and the ability to hide it behind closed doors, only letting it out when you want to be entertained, like a clown or court jester, appeals to you (you selfish bastard). In addition to this large upper chamber, which can be used for the aforementioned TV storage or as extra closet space for your hanging frocks, armoires are often equipped with two or more good-sized drawers down below. These bottom drawers are ideal for everything from media storage to clothing, and everything in between. Just keep your Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme DVD’s elsewhere. Most armoires are way too highbrow for that filth.

One last thing. If you’re going to own an armoire, you need to know how to correctly pronounce it. The dictionary says to pronounce it thusly: ahrm-wahr. I say, go all out and be as hoity-toity and contemptuous as possible and avoid pronouncing the "r" altogether. More like aahm-waah. Go ahead and try it a few times, just let it roll right off your supercilious little tongue. Oh, and enjoy your new armoire.